First time I'm telling anyone

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First time I'm telling anyone

Postby letitbesecret » 27 Apr 2013, 11:23

You know how you always read these weird stories on the internet about incredible situations but you never really share yours?
Well, I have an extremely personal story that I'll be sharing, I am wearing the mask of anonimty which allows me to post all the truth, just truth, truth fully. Please respect how hard this is for me. I'll skim fast through the personal details and try to keep it all around the "pooping problems". It is so sad that poop is one of those taboo subjects that people rarely talk about, it results in so much disinformation.
I grew up pretty poor, this meant pretty bad food, I have grown my whole life since I was a little kid, since I know I exist being constipated, for me, that was what defined life. Now here comes the "sadder" part, I didn't get along well with my parents and they somehow didn't pay much attention to my problems or this problem whenever I talked about it. I grew up being terrified of pooping, being that thing which must be postponed for as much as possible because of the pain. I went on until the 3'rd grade with very few incidents (there were a few periods longer than 1 month when I held it in).
In september 13 (I still remember the exact date) just before I started 3'rd grade, I pooped a very big and hard one, it has hurt me tromendously, It has scared me of pooping so much that I have spent the next FIVE years avoiding poop at ALL COSTS, I will later find out that I had an anal fissure, but I couldn't talk about it to my parents and I was very shy, I didn't have any friends and didn't trust any adults, I was extremely embarassed of this.
The next five years would define my entire childhood (up until 8'th grade) I wouldn't poop, at all. I would just sit down and hold it in for as much as possible, I would have bowl movement at least 5 times/hour. And every time, as much as I would try to hold it in, a little bit of it would slip by and end up in my underwear. Every single morning I would clean up my underwear and use a new one, I still couldn't poop.I would have to walk off from school and stop every 5 minutes, sit down on my leg and pretend to tie my shoes for 1-2 minutes. I could not emphasize how bad this has affected my childhood, how I went through school, gym classes, events, sleeping with having 5-10 bowl movements per hour. Every hour. How feeling so fat and uncomfortable every living second for five years straight. To be frank I cannot explain to myself how I even survived that. I spent those 5 years expecting and hoping that I would die, I didn't care about school or anything like that I knew that I'll probably die young and soon.
Through a few supernatural experiences I got to meet God(If you're an atheist, I accept and respect that,I have plenty of atheist friends, I'm just telling my story through my point of view). God apparently didn't like the situation I was in, He had a plan of solving my problems and forcing me to get proper knowledge and information to maintain myself (contrary to popular belief, God values knowledge and wisdom higher than yelling at people to accept Christ, and anyone who spends their life being stupid have most certainly not met Christ, I'll step down the God part for now.
Little time later something incredible happened, as much as I held it in, as much as I struggled and tried, somehow, when I was having a shower my muscles just went numb instantly and I was right above the toilet so I had no choice but to sit down (remember, I had still no idea what's happening with me, I was a lonely kid) and after five years I pooped directly for the first time and it didn't hurt, if I were to estimate I've let out a mass that could fill a cube 20 cm wide, I had a lot held up in my and to my surprise it was all soft. I still didn't trust pooping and after three days the very same thing happened again, no pain, about the same quantity. And since then I started learning more and more about this, I've started using the internet, it's been a few years since then and I am back in a tight spot.
My current situation is like it goes: I have been using dulcolax for the last 11-12 months. Every single time there would be blood in my stool, but I would only use 2 pills before I went to sleep (I would do this weekly or at least once every two weeks). Now after a year I'm using 3/BM. Every week or two. (I have about 95 kg's and I'm 1,92 meters tall).
My problem is that I don't know for sure what to do nor am I aware of my full problem. I do not have BM's naturally, I could go on for 4-5 days until my very first BM would come. That's why I always use dulcolax, before discovering dulcolax I was forcing myself every week and it would hurt a lot. Now it still hurts a lot but I can poop fast and effortless. Today I had a stool which was very hard at first and followed a bit soft, I felt like they were big balls, my anus repeteadly closing and opening 3-4 times and that has most likely caused me an anal fissure, it has been at least 8 hours and it still hurts an awful lot. I still feel congested but I cannot poop because of the anal pain.
How should I get my BM's to normal? I intend to be extremely careful with what I eat now, eating only fiber-rich food and drinking hot coffee on an empty stomach every morning. The problem is even if I get a soft stool I don't have a BM, and by the time I have a BM the first stool is already hard which causes my anal fissure to open again, if you get my dilemma.
Right now I'm on extreme dietary watch and using Procto-Glyvenol gel to ease the pain and the fissure and probably the hemoroids. Looking forward to your advices, and I know I should've probably seen a doctor by now but they cost a lot of money around here and I don't have money. I barely started working and I'm very glad I can afford to buy fruits and vegetables and healthy food!
Let me know if you have any questions on my experience, I can give more details on those 5 terrible years, on the meeting God part (it's just one of the moments, I have many other reasons and actual supernatural experiences, because the ones I talked here are mostly poop-related and could also be exaplained through luck and chance)
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Re: First time I'm telling anyone

Postby Guest » 27 Apr 2013, 11:58

letitbesecret
we welcome and thank you for sharing your story. It takes a brave person to relate these things and we are here to comfort you. You can remain totally anonymous here. Your story is just like many others here in that they were afraid to tell anyone else so they also came here, so you can feel at home here.
What you described in your past sure does set the stage for fissures. Many people continue to have a fear of pooping especially in public.
I would ask you how is this fear of yours today as that may be the reason your BM is not more regular. Also I would ask do you regularly eat a breakfast lunch and dinner.
Your shower encounter was a learning experience as this is what gives us fissure sufferers our greatest relief from fissure pain and burning. The warm water naturally relaxes the muscles down there, thats why it was easy for you to go.
You may want to ditch the coffee every morning as its a diuretic (causing urination) and you want that water for your bowels.
Please, what you really want to avoid nowadays is holding in your stools as any BM left in will just become dryer and harder.

The more you get into a set routine of eating and exercizing regularly the more your BM will become regular. many mornings when I do not particularly feel like a BM is coming I just sit on the toilet and wait a while without straining.
Then after a while the urge is there and i will have an easy BM. That is how kids are potty trained, something you may have missed. Mothers just tell us to go and sit on the toilet even when we say we did not need to go, and guess what, it worked and we had a BM. You may want to try something like this.
You will get plenty more info from others soon so stick around as i'm sure more question will come for you to answer and you will receive more advice.
Good luck & Hope this helps
P.S.
Glad you found God, he helps in everything, even this situation.
Last edited by Guest on 27 Apr 2013, 12:20, edited 3 times in total.
Reason: add
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Re: First time I'm telling anyone

Postby Guest » 29 Apr 2013, 18:29

Dont worry letitbesecret
More reponses will come. meanwhile I'll put your post back up top. weekend entries fall fast.
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Re: First time I'm telling anyone

Postby delasama » 29 Apr 2013, 21:14

I take miralax cap full every night with a hearty dinner like chicken, potatoes, green beans... This makes me have to poop as soon as I get up and it's soft. Been doing this for a couple months and I'm finally healing with no spasms.
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Re: First time I'm telling anyone

Postby Rachael 1984 » 30 Apr 2013, 02:33

Letitbesecret. Thank you for sharing your story. You have come to the right place for support. It sounds like you are having Fissure issues. Fruit and veggies will help, and using stool softener. Is there any way you could see a doctor? I think it would be good to get checked over. Image
Hem Banding sept 2012
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April 2013-Botox-Effective short term
Diltazem-No effect, developed Rash
July 2014-Diagnosed High Resting Pressure
LIS performed on 17.9.14
Ongoing pain/re-tears. Awaiting pressure test results.
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Re: First time I'm telling anyone

Postby Anne37 » 30 Apr 2013, 10:12

A couple other diet tips: not only will coffee dehydrate you, but if you're suffering from spasms post-poop coffee could be making the spasms worse since it will stimulate the muscles down there to contract. I can tell a huge difference in my stools if I haven't had enough water - BE SURE TO DRINK AT LEAST 64 OZ OF WATER PER DAY! Also, if you're struggling to fit enough fiber in your diet, or to be able to afford fresh fruits, Fiber One cereal (the original) has 14 grams of fiber per half cup.
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Re: First time I'm telling anyone

Postby Savaici » 30 Apr 2013, 11:10

Image to the Forum letitbesecret,
Lots of information for you here, and we are here too.
Would add that I drink coffee, in moderation, every day, and have no problem whatsoever. I mix it with milk, and love it.
However, would agree with the 64ozs of water a day. Essential. And to eat enough fibre for your weight.
Good luck! Image
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Re: First time I'm telling anyone

Postby letitbesecret » 03 May 2013, 12:43

First off I really wish to thank you guys for all the encouragement and the messages, I am really glad that I have discovered this forum! Thank you for all the advices!
@Buttastic; I'm really trying to do everything that is within my power. I now have a regular breakfast but that's pretty much it, lunch & dinner are chaotic or maybe not at all and there's nothing I can do about it.I usually try to go for cereals (99% of the times), something with almonds and nuts and all sorts of grainy foods, but this is recent, I did not even have a regular breakfast before and the other things I would eat during the day were mostly non-fiber foods (such as cheap pasta, cheap pork, etc.)
I have quit all dairy products from my diet except the morning milk in the cereals. My plan is to eat cereals every morning, eat only Fruits + maybe 1-2 fiber bars for lunch and have a vegetable-rich dinner with no meat or maybe little chicken. Drink only water and natural juice (no coffee). Also Exercise at least 2 hours/day @ the Gym.
For a while I really manged to set myself a routine like described above and it made my life a loooot easier. The only problem was that I ran out of money and I can't afford a gym subscription nor fruits for lunch and I also cannot choose what to eat for dinner, I can only eat what is offered or not eat at all :(
Now the good part is that I will start working again in exactly one week, I have been blessed with a job that makes me three times the average salary in my Eastern European country but I can only work 6 months/year but I only got to work 1 month in the last year, so I didn't have the chance to save up much money, on top of that I have 2-3 freelancing projects every month which help me even more. It feels quite awesome to finally afford a healthy lifestyle.
Right now I wish to search for an equivalent to Miralax in my country and use it with the healthy lifestyle in order to have BM regularly.
Also, after reading a lot more on Anal Fissure and Hemorhoids I have concluded that I have all the symptoms for hemorhoids and not for anal fissure (Which is a huge relief to me).
Having an active lifestyle with a good diet and the gel should heal it and keep me on the right track + considerably improve the quality of my life.
For now I have not had any BM in 7 days, I plan on using Dulcolax tonight 4 pills and will continue with a very STRICT and rich in fiber diet and hopefully on Monday I will be able to have a natural BM with little pain. Wish me luck and God bless!
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Re: First time I'm telling anyone

Postby Guest » 04 May 2013, 09:35

Sound like overall good news.
I sensed you were from perhaps a third world type living situation, and that is a real struggle dealing with any type of ailment.
Good you have internet access which is a Godsend of info from that part of the world.
I like you for many years relied upon "soup kitchens" if you will for my main meals. This made it terribly hard for me too to fight off my AF's.
Hope like you say it is Hems and not AF's. But as you may know, hems are no joke either and where there are hems AF can sure follow.
Your diet plan sounds pretty good. I do wonder what kind of cereal that your eating. I'm glad to hear that Breakfast, the most important meal of the day is your main meal.
Also on the stool, do you still have a tendency to hold it in, or ae you ok now.
Now that your going to be working maybe you can incorporate a few items for evening meals. And good luck on your search for a miralax =.
Good luck and we wish you the best on your next bile movement, keep us posted.
God bless you.....
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