...Is that normal? I had LIS three weeks ago (almost four), and I'd say that in general I'm on an upward trajectory. The spasms have been virtually nonexistent, my BMs are no longer super painful, I haven't had any rectal bleeding. But the fissure discomfort is very much still there. In fact, I was photographing a wedding today and felt shooting pain- almost as if it re-tore (I was gingery squatting). I guess I thought at this point I would be feeling better than this. I have a follow up with my CRS on 6/11, but my spirits are so low and I'm afraid the LIS didn't work. At what point do I know that? Gosh, I'm scared. And so depressed. I don't even feel like living anymore. What's the point if it's always going to be something like this?

Well, just a word of encouragement. This is a long-term healing project for most of us, surgery or no surgery. There is no super easy fix for most of us. From my understanding (no surgery yet) the LIS gives you the best chance of healing but it can take time. And your best self-care will give you the best chance. Keep on keeping on with diet and so-forth and check-ups. And one day I hope this will be a distant memory for you! :)

my doctor told me about surgery that don't think about it that if u feel no pain of fissure after surgery or without surgery it requires at least 6 months to completely heal a fissure but still after it u need to take gud care of diet u should never get constipated, no physical extensions of that area beyond normal limit. etc. I re tore my healed fissure once due to quite awkward sitting posture on hard floor. wishing that ur fissure will b on healing path n no retearing.

Thanks for the moral support, guys! I'm really struggling... I'm a wedding photographer, and I have seven weddings booked through the end of the year. The wedding I shot yesterday was tiny... Short, small. Not even a three hour commitment. And just the act of taking a picture was excruciating. Today, I found evidence of a retear (light pink/red spotting on a witch hazel pad). I feel useless enough as it is! Now I feel like I'm going to have to retire at the age of 32 and give up what I love. I'm really not good for much. It's so hard watching your family make vacation plans without you because you know you couldn't make the trip. Life is just passing me by. I'd get on anti-depressants, but they're not going to take this problem away. I feel like a helpless little baby!
I can't thank you enough for being there. I don't know you, will never meet you. But you are truly a friend.

I have a sedentary occupation, which I believe is one of the aggravating factors leading to my recurrent AF problem. I've also had two retears after walking (and a very small BM before or after!) I may still be headed for surgery, I'm in a holding pattern at the moment. Anyhow, I've done everything I can think of to lessen the amount of time I sit. Any computer or phone tasks I perform standing. I'm just wondering if there are any changes you can make to your photography so you don't have to 'squat gingerly.' Could you perch on a stool or kneel on a pad, for example? When my AF has been worse I avoided picking things up off the floor or otherwise bending or squatting too far. You're right this is no way to live in the long-term, but these sacrifices and trials are very likely temporary. My mindset is to take this seriously, do what I can to help my body along, and to be thankful it's not cancer or something even worse. It wouldn't be the worse thing if you needed anti-depressant medication for a while (as long as it's not constipating!!!!!). I'm sure that many or most of us have had very low periods; I have and thought about medication as well. I'm glad you're on this site because people here understand your pain and challenges so much better than our non-AF affected friends and family.

no doubt that's sad it's a retear but after LIS at least it's easy for a fissure to heal. get back to ur pre op routine so that u heal it ASAP .
don't get depressed stay relaxed as it will healing n moreover getting depressed is no help so y to go in to depression though I do get worry when I feel anything like that cz that's very much natural but I try to divert my attention n engage myself. people who retear after LIS usually heal in a week so stick to pre op routine religiously n u will heal soon.

CTF, as you'd remember I went through LIS a day after you did and if I was to describe how Im feeling it would be exactly what you wrote! Word to word!!
I have been off work and have a sitting job, Im required to sit for 9-10 hours a day and Im so scared to go back because I still have the usual knife edge/burning kind of pain almost all day but at its worse 2 hours after BM and for a period of 2-3 hours.
My doctor and my surgeon had both told me that you will get immediate relief but maybe our definitions of relief differs quite a bit because Im just sick and tired of this life! I was using nitro and a dialator before the LIS and doing much better, the nitro used to give me instant relief for atleast 4 hours and then Id use it again, some days I find myself thinking why did I even go through LIS??
But just trying to be positive as much as I can, but its bloody tough, especially staying home I have all the time in this world to think about stupid negative things which doesnt help. Also I dont know if youve noticed this but for me everytime Im with friends or family and having fun it seems a bit better so theres definitely a psychological aspect to this but only a little.
Also, if it makes you feel any better, im only 30....
What part of world are you in?

You guys are really the best. I'm so thankful for this board and for you!
I'm trying to stay positive... Resting as much as I can, meditating, deep breathing, all that good stuff (yay for acupuncture!). But you know how hard it is. When you can't get moving, have to pass on all the things you used to enjoy, sit (or lay) around all day, it gets easy to slip into depression.
Photography has been a real challenge through all this. I get into this crazy zone on a shoot, adrenaline pumping, and I often don't realize what I'm doing or how badly I'm hurting until later. When you're shooting a wedding, the pressure is on to get the shot no matter what. That involves climbing, crawling, squatting, lunging. It's like P90X! There's a lot of desk work, too, but I find myself slipping into the grass-is-greener mentality of wishing I only had a desk job. When in reality it has to be so impossibly hard for you guys! :(
I haven't been able to really go out and hang with my friends like I used to... It's ridiculous. If they're going out to a restaurant that has wooden benches or metal chairs, I don't go. Or if they're going to a popular movie where I know I won't be able to curl my feet up on the chair next to me, I don't go. So I'm usually not going these days.
Howtobe: what are your spasms feeling like these days? Are they reduced in intensity? Have you noticed any changes BM-wise/gas-wise? I'm wondering if our muscle tone is a little tighter than most! I've heard that's common in women of our age. Not that that helps us!
I'm in the Washington, DC area. How about you?

My heart goes out to all you guys.........I am with you and going through the same pain but haven't had the LIS surgery, trying to avoid it if at all possible. But don't know what happened but normally have a BM every day or the odd time every second day but today was day 3 and I was so scared going.......it actually wasn't so bad but now I know the area has been traumatised again and we are back to square 1 I could cry !! I got the offer of a ticket to go see tennis at the French Open, my dream and had to turn it down because of my AF, how could I go ? trying to pull a suitcase & sitting around airports....so disappointed, once again my life is on hold and I do get angry when I see friends/ family taking off on holidays and I can't what is the point going somewhere and being miserable. I do agree with one of the comments that you do feel better when you are distracted so I try to get out and meet friends and family, I am off work at the moment on sick leave with this and thyroid probs, couldn't consider sitting for 8 hours straight. Sorry for the moan just having a low day Good luck to you all and wishing you HEALING !

Sometimes you just have to have a wallow! If it's any consolation, the LIS wasn't so bad at all. It also wasn't the magic bullet I'd been expecting. And here I am today... took a sitz bath, and something about the water made me go into spasms. Lovely, eh?
I'm so sorry about the French Open. I know how bad it hurts to have to pass on something you wanted so badly! My husband is going to Tokyo at the end of July. I'd been planning to go with him. I figured that three+ months post-op I'd be good to go. Here I am one month post-op feeling no better, so I see that dream slipping through my fingers. It hurts (in more ways than one).
Someone on the boards pointed out that our affliction could be worse... it could be cancer or a degenerative neurological condition. True true. But dang if it isn't miserable!