Fissures, HPV, and Hopelessness

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Fissures, HPV, and Hopelessness

Postby Moonchild » 20 Apr 2015, 11:04

First of all, let me start by saying thank-you to you all for sharing your stories and experiences. I have been frequenting this forum for months now trying to gain advice and emotional support. It has been so helpful, especially on my worst days and now it's time to share my story, my advice, and hopefully, a bit more insight to my issues once you read the (very personal) details.

I am a 27-yr old female who has been suffering for 8 months now. Suffering with what? Well... In September It began with a vacation I took. I did a lot of walking in very hot, sweaty temperatures and also had a hook-up with someone I had met on my travels. A week after I had returned, the pain of sitting, walking, peeing, bm's was so great I went to the hospital out of fear of an STI and speculation of an abscess. The doctor gave me a pap smear, drained fluid for testing, took out my IUD because of what looked like to be an infection, gave me pills for STI's, Percocet for pain, ordered a ultra-sound to make sure I had no abscesses on my uterus or ovaries, prescription for the possible infection, and an injection for healing the infection as well. Ultra-sound showed my lady parts were in perfect working order :pray: . Because of the pain, I ate almost nothing out of fear of a BM. Percocet also helped with this as it constipates you. 6 days later with no movement, I took 2 stool softener to help with this process. It worked, and my test results showed a strep infection where penicillin prescribed. I was on my road to recovery.

Things felt fine, except for my daily BM that was bloody. Not really painful, but there was always blood. After Christmas I went to a walk-in clinic to get it checked out. She said ok, so there is an anal fissure at 6 o'clock and bit of what I think is peri-anal warts. ANAL WHATS?! But I don't and never had anal sex, how can this be?! As a carrier of HPV that my body git used to fighting off I had a mere wart here and there for a month or 2 and then it would go away naturally. But where there was a fissure involved, a warm, damp opening for bacteria to live and grow, my body had a breakout in that area. I was referred to a dermetologist for wart treatment and given suppositories to the fissure. Well as I'm sure you all know, the suppositories did not help. Undergoing cryotherapy for the warts, and then using Imiquimod (an immune response modifier that basically makes you breakout in the worst possible painful pussy, bloody sores wherever you put it so your immune system will respond to that area) was a low point in the healing process. Basically, healing the fissure was put on hold to deal with the warts. Once I got the green light from the dermitologist I went to the hospital again on a day of severe pressure after my morning BM. This doctor finally put his finger inside and felt around where he reported a "mass" and referred me to a GI surgeon and also prescribed me a suppository. He offered pain relief which I refused out of fear of constipation again. Two months later I get my appointment with the GI surgeon. He was extremely sympathetic which was comforting, and took a look. He stated that I had a chronic anal fissure with a skin tag and that him looking was making me bleed all ready so he was not going to insert his finger. He then prescribed me with a calcium channel blocker cream to relax the muscle, increase blood flow to the area, and promote healing. That has been four weeks ago and my fissure has gone through a roller coaster since then.

I've tried adding more fibre to my diet which I found unnecessary for me as my BMs are very regular. This just added bulk and made my stool thicker. Once I started taking two stool softener everyday, my stool was much thinner and easier to pass. The spasms afterward are easier to manage with a sitz bath and ibuprofin. I put the cream on morning and night, coconut oil mid-day, eat regular things with daily fruit, yogurt, and meal replacement. I have adjusted my diet a bit but not to an extreme. Like I said, daily fruit, yogurt, a meal replacement, pureed soup, and lots of water. I won't deny myself a beer or chips if I want it.

Right now there is not many bloody stools. However, I'm finding it difficult to deal with the psychological aspect of it. I cry daily wether it's out of pain, discomfort, shame, embarrassment, or hopelessness. There is barely anyone I can talk to because if you haven't experienced this, it is extremely hard to be sympathetic to it. On the outside, I don't look sick. When I have to call in sick for work it's hard to go back the next day and have my co-workers ask how I feel when they're looking at me thinking "Well, she looks fine today!" It's hard to be away for the weekend or even home with my boyfriend and have things to do but really, the fissure is so present in every daily activity that I just want to lay in bed! It is so debilitating. If I was sick with the flu my body would just naturally want to be in bed resting. With the fissure, you have a sickness that doesn't show to the outside world. It's like a mental illness; you still have a life and a job and responsibilities that need tending to and people just don't understand when you need time to lay down, or need to run home between errands for a sitz bath...

I am still not healed and am at the point where a I wonder if I ever will be. Is this just my life now? Stool softner, invalid rings, and sitz baths at 27?! I hate to say that I am depressed over this whole situation but... That's truly how I feel. Especially with the HPV warts that use to go away but now are definitely compromised because of the fissure.

Thank-you for reading this long story! Any advice, questions, or similar experiences are welcome. I have yet to find someone dealing with both HPV and the fissure.. Feeling quite alone in this battle.
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Re: Fissures, HPV, and Hopelessness

Postby Scientist2516 » 20 Apr 2015, 14:15

Dear Moonchild, you've really been through the mill, and all your feelings are totally totally natural and normal. So many of us have been through that hopelessness, embarrassment, feeling of isolation, everything you mentioned. Including of course more or less constant pain, which would be enough to make you despair all by itself.

You've been using your calcium channel blocker for four weeks, and it's still early days. Please don't be discouraged if I tell you that it may take a few months. It should get gradually better during this time. You may have set backs, where one hard stool or a few hours of doing too much physical activity irritates your anus hurt again. But the set backs should get further apart, and should get less painful as time goes on.

It took me a while to get meds and diet sorted out, but once I found the right ointment, and figured out how to get soft stools, it took a few more weeks for me to "get my life back". Even a painful day was better than when the fissure was at its worst, so it was bearable. Then it was a long road of gradual improvement.

I'm sorry I don't know how the HPV factors in. I was going to suggest Gardasil, but then read it doesn't help if you are already infected.

But I think you can and will heal. I did, and I'm nearly twice your age. You can read my thread a-one-person-experiment-on-af-drugs-t7231.html. But I think you've got it all sorted - diet, sitz baths, etc. Now it's a matter of looking after yourself, and time time time. I'd advise finding one person you can talk to about it. Even one person knowing can make all the difference. In the meantime, come here, ask questions, vent, tell us about your good days and bad days.

Welcome and good luck!
Nifedipine/lidocaine, no help
Diltiazem, effective, but caused major rash
Nitroglycerine, effective.
Topical estrogen for final healing.
Gentle heat to bottom - pain relief, muscle relaxant
Kondremul mineral oil
Time - lots of time.
Status - Healed!
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Re: Fissures, HPV, and Hopelessness

Postby Canadabum » 24 Apr 2015, 16:28

Moonchild -- reading your post i feel like you took a page or two out of my life...i am not 100% yet by any stretch but on my way hopefully.
That said -- I was on Nitro ointment for about 8-10 weeks and have now been on Diltiazem for about 12 (!!!) weeks. So for the past 5 months I have been sticking ointments up my butt and like you at times was very depressed anxious, feeling hopeless and scared...truly the one thing that helped me the most was talking with my wife about it...having a supportive outlet was what kept me sane (relatively of course). I still cried more in the past 5 months that my first 42 years combines, was still anxious and scared S&%tless....but being able to talk about it made all the difference for me...i hope you can find a way to open up to a friend or family member...if not, find yourself a good therapist who will listen.
You are early in this experience so try not to get too down and discouraged...keep taking care of yourself, make sure to keep your stool soft whether with softeners or other methods (i use magnesium citrate and probiotic foods and it works for me). Having been through the ringer myself and now feeling somewhat better (I never thought i would make it here!) i too would encourage you to stay positive and believe that you will be able to heal...
You are right that this is a condition that is hidden...much like many conditions. The problem is that it is embarrassing to tell someone that you have an ANAL fissure...just doesnt sound polite, right. The truth is that we all have bums...even the Queen....so we should all just lighten up a bit when it comes to talking about this stuff. While totally different it is like a mental illness...outsiders cant see it but they can be very debilitating to the person who is suffering with it...and the person suffering usually is not comfortable talking about it because of the stigma. Well...the more I talk about my fissure the more I have realized that many many many people have gone through the same...and if they haven't...good chance they will at some point and will be calling you for advice. I firmly believe that most people are dealing with something...amy not be a fissure, but we have ALL got out own baggage...wouldnt it be nice if we could all just let down our guards and just talk about what is really going on. I have found that it is possible -- and i would suspect that if you try it out with some friends you will find out that you really are not alone in this and that your friends have their own issues they will share with you.

I too have no experience with HPV...in Canada we have sexual health clinics that are great...do you have same? If so, go there and ask...ask someone who has lots of experience in that specific area.
So advice i can give for fissures -- keep your stool soft, eat healthy but dont worry about bulking up fibre (did not wrk for me), use some sort of heat on your bum when sitting for comfort...try and stay as positive as you can and speak with people....and, give yourself a good 12 weeks on the cream.
All best,
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Re: Fissures, HPV, and Hopelessness

Postby Moonchild » 29 Apr 2015, 11:25

Thank-you both so much for your words of encouragement.

I think my problem also came from the fact that I treated the HPV first. Using nitroglycerine freezing treatments around the area of the fissure couldn't have been good for it.

I was unaware that the cream takes so long. Very good to know. It also doesn't help that I don't have a family doctor where I currently live.

Does anyone have any suggestions for pain management? What have you tried? What have you had the best results with? Anything. Thanks again.
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Re: Fissures, HPV, and Hopelessness

Postby Scientist2516 » 29 Apr 2015, 14:20

Hi Moonchild, you are so welcome. This is a great place for support, sympathy and encouragement.

For pain relief I used Ibuprofen and gentle heat. Ibuprofen really just took the edge off and made it possible to function. A not-too-hot water bottle saved my sanity. So soothing and healing. I would sit on it all day long, and reheat in the microwave oven as necessary.
I really hope you can get some relief soon.
Nifedipine/lidocaine, no help
Diltiazem, effective, but caused major rash
Nitroglycerine, effective.
Topical estrogen for final healing.
Gentle heat to bottom - pain relief, muscle relaxant
Kondremul mineral oil
Time - lots of time.
Status - Healed!
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Re: Fissures, HPV, and Hopelessness

Postby svet » 30 Apr 2015, 22:43

Hi Moonchild. I totally feel your pain. I am also feeling the same as you, but I keep hoping that this will get better soon. I am terrified of going to the bathroom. Glad that you got your stools sortes out. I have also been told it takes time ao we just have to be patient. My CRS just prescribed my the calcium channel blocker for 8 weeks. He also said I has to pick it up at a compounding pharmacy and that typical pharmacies mix the stuff in galaxal base and Vaseline wholixjndoeant produce the same effects
Keep strong, and think positive and I hope you star to feel some relief soon.
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