I think I feel a bit guilty going in and asking about surgery considering I was running away from it two months ago when I was in a 10 for pain most of the time.
I have come so far yet I feel like I have reached a wall. No more feelings of knives shooting through me, spasms are more tollerable yet still exist.
Burning is very slight compared to what I was experiencing.
YET, I would not venture out on a car ride longer than 20 minutes, go to the movies,the mall, plays, make plans for vacation etc.
Missed my daughters tournement this weekend two hours away.
So is this how I want to be left? Tolerable is where I am right now.
I guess I feel guilty that I didn't seek more help when my condition was at its worse stage.
Like I'm asking for something that is a drastic measure...when I'm not in a drastic condition.
I would love relief for this muscle (sphincter sp?)that keeps tightening up every day. Doesn't really make you feel happy to do things anymore.
I feel trapped. Yet two months ago I would of been so happy for the rate of disscomfort I'm living with now. Anyone know what I mean????
Marie

I used to feel ungrateful (and sometimes I still do) when I complain about things when overall I am doing better. Like I had no right to expect to be healed completely or that to live pain free was more than I deserved.
A grateful heart is important but so is the will to get better and the hope to hang on and the courage to do what you need to do. I think maybe now that you aren't in so much pain it would be a great time to see the doctor. Pain makes it difficult for us to make decisions sometimes because we can be so wrapped up and consumed by it.
You need to tell yourself that you are deserving of living a life without this type of pain. You owe it to yourself and to your family. It sounds like you are improving overall and just need to remind yourself of your progress but you are right, you don't want to be left like this even though it is "tolerable.'
I lived with and still battle chronic pain. It was very debilitating. Sometimes I would just feel like this is the way my life is going to be and I will never see the old girl I used to be. But things did improve. I had to make some tough decisions about surgery, treatments and try some things new, try medications and not let it control me anymore. Even though it limits some things in my life I am trying with God's help not to let it get the best of me.
Are you being treated for any other type of condition at all?
What does your husband say about things?
Lecia

Pillow,
I don't know if this helps or not, but for me the decision came down to the CRS diagnosis of whether I had a realistic chance to heal on my own. He has told me he feels that I could heal it on it's own. I guess what really helped me accept this route, for now, is my sphincter tightness. I have seen 2 CRS and both felt that my sphincter tightness was not a real issue at this time. If it were an issue, I would not hesitate for the surgery. It's my opinion, after reading this board, researching AFs on the internet, and seeing these two CRSs, that sphincter tightness/pressure is the main cause of the AFs persistent nature. So for me, if this becomes an issue, or the CRS feels it's necessary, I'm going to have surgery as soon as possible.
That being said, this is just my opinion. Everyone is different, but I am not going to put my life on hold indefinitely in pain and suffering. I feel like I've missed out on the last 3 months of my life with this and still feel like I have another 3 months lined up....atleast.
I hope this doesn't come across wrong or depressing. In a nut shell, again for me, if my resting sphincter pressure was an issue, I would have the surgery as soon as possible.

Lecia,
You are so strong and faithful. As you can see I am tormenting myself over this...which way should I go. Continue AF healing or just go get it cut.
I have actually tried to agrivate it ( I KNOW STUPID) this weekend by sitting on hard surfaces, bending, housework and it's I'm not getting sharp pains. Yes, I would like them before my appointment. Because I'm a big baby and that would help me and my decision I would think.
Lecia, have you stopped taking your precription treatment? What stage are you at, completely pain free, no tightness etc.? You are a light if I decide to wait longer.
How do you know if you retear the fissure?
My husband is a has been wonderful and has carried my share of the weight. He trys to give me his full support but the poor guy watches me change my mind with arguments for each side of the coin.
He listens to my fears and more than anything wants me to find peace in what ever decision I make.
No I don't have any other medical conditions, which I should be very grateful for.
Sending continued healing thougths and prayers out to you and our AF family.
Chris,
Thank you for your thoughtful reply. It helps so much to hear from other suffers of AF. I wish this could go away for all of us like a bad dream.
It's been about three months for me too. Is their a loose time table of healing. You mentioned three more months. I was wondering if it's from talking with the Dr. or how you feel your body has been healing. Maybe I can't get in my head this is a SLOW process.
Wishing you the best... Marie
Gosh I'm so sorry I must be giving this board a headache.
Embarassed me...Marie

Hey, Marie, just wanted to say that I think most of the people on this forum can relate to the mental anguish you're experiencing. So don't be embarassed. I was diagnosed with AF 6 weeks ago (although I've actually had it for 2 years), and there have been times during this period when I've been more depressed than almost any other time in my life. Which is kinda crazy because I wouldn't even categorize my physical pain as excruciating. It's just completely prevented me from living my normal carefree life.
Two things have helped me mentally to get through this experience. First, getting as much information as possible about AF, which it looks like you're doing. Second, finding some sort of positive result from this otherwise negative experience. For me, that meant seriously re-thinking my diet, which I believe is the root cause of AF for me (all my life my diet has been very heavy on meat/dairy products, and I am learning that that's not very healthy and may have caused chronic constipation and eventually the AF). I'm in the process of learning more about nutrition and changing my diet, which will maybe prevent much bigger problems down the line. So at least that's positive.
Since you're very much on the fence about LIS, I would suggest possibly getting a second opinion before you choose to do the surgery (so that you can feel confident in your decision). I don't know where you live, or how many CRSs you have around you, but if you can find another one (one with a lot of experience), it might help give you another perspective and make the decision easier.
Hope you feel better (and please don't intentionally try to re-injure yourself).
steve

Yeah when I was told by the surgeon to do the surgery-I asked the schedulers if my insurance would even pay for this?? She said of course it's medically necessary-and I said it is? I was shocked-I mean I thought it would be a luxury and wasn't sure if I deserved it. The surgery cost about $7000 in total-but I didn't even need it pre approved..So I think we underestimate how debilitating this is-I know I did. An after the surgeon told me he couldn't find anything and almost didn't do anything-I almost cried and asked one of the nurses if I wasted their time! Obviously I was drugged but we shouldnt let ourselves suffer we deserve better

Lecia,
You are so strong and faithful. As you can see I am tormenting myself over this...which way should I go. Continue AF healing or just go get it cut.
I have actually tried to agrivate it ( I KNOW STUPID) this weekend by sitting on hard surfaces, bending, housework and it's I'm not getting sharp pains. Yes, I would like them before my appointment. Because I'm a big baby and that would help me and my decision I would think.
Lecia, have you stopped taking your precription treatment? What stage are you at, completely pain free, no tightness etc.? You are a light if I decide to wait longer.
Well I have many moments when I don't feel so strong and faithful! Pain can really wear you down.
I understand that having more definite pain would make your decision easier but I hope you won't try to aggravate things again-that worries me!
I have pretty much stopped the treatment-diltiazem and baths. It took 4 months for the fissure to heal with this. However, for the pain to go away it took more like 5 months. I have an underlying medical condition that makes that area more suceptible to pain though so I would not be a typical patient. But it can be done. Honestly, if I had been a good candidate for the surgery I would have probably just done it.
Gosh I'm so sorry I must be giving this board a headache.
Embarassed me...Marie
No headaches here-we are happy to help!