Hi all. I have been lingering on the board here for a few days and decided to join since you all seem so kind and understanding. I could really use some support in dealing with this pain in the tush.
I will try to keep it short but it's complicated so..here we go. I have had IBS and pelvic floor dysfunction much of my adult life but I managed without ever suffering from more than hemmies. Had a hemorrhoid surgery many years back (that was hell) and a few banded since. Never thought I would ever have ongoing pain like this in my backside. It's even worse than the burn I used to get from pelvic floor muscle spasms (and that was bad), which I have been treating with botox injections for 6 years now.
Anyway, my muscles back there were starting to tighten up and I was coming due for another round of botox but for some reason my Doctor declined my request. At this time I went in for a routine banding procedure and warned the Doctor to be very careful as I tear very easily (ironically, I never tore before getting botox injections but since then I have from time to time during even soft BMs but they always healed up within a week) but alas he tore me. That was December 2014 and I have had it since. I got a botox injection into the internal anal spincter (25 units, he wanted to do 50 but I asked for less as I have a weak pelvic floor from many years of botox injections) shortly after as I could not bear the pain. Shortly after, I was having urgent BMs at any time of the day. Could no longer leave my house as I felt like my bottom was going to fall out and needed to stay near the toilet and bathtub. The botox helped with the pain and the fissure healed some but the part that is not visable from the outside persists. I had a second round of botox as I felt it was wearing off in March (this time only 12.5 units) and the urgency returned not as bad and some more pain relief came. Things were feeling like they may be healed back there but then I couldn't get in to see the doc soon enough and I retore and was having urgent loose spastic BMs throughout the day again. I finally found another doc that would treat my pelvic floor with botox, thinking that if I could get the muscles to relax during a BM I could heal. Well, she got the wrong place and it made things so much worse. I now have a second fissure and can hardly have a BM. I wind up with very solid and wide BMs (for me) and have to take so much stool softener/laxatives I am doubled over in pain much of the day, between running to the bathroom. It seems to be the only way to go. I cannot sleep much (this is badly affecting my IBS) as I have to wake up and have a BM very early and often just laying down and relaxing gives me this awful urge to go but I can't move any muscles to do anything (including pass gas). I don't know if this is due to spasm or if my pelvic floor is super messed up. This has me so beaten down I have considered committing suicide. I just don't see how this is possible going to get better. Everything I try seems to make me worse and my anxiety about it all is killing me and my marriage. Anyway, that feels better. Thanks for listening :)