Hello everyone,
I have been following this forum since I was diagnosed in February but this is my first post. Please let me simply explain my situation:
I have had anal bleeding on and off for years and always assumed it was hemmorhoids and did not seek help. I saw several GPs over the first few months as the bleeding, though intermittent was still occuring, and though the pain was nowhere near as intense as most of the stories I have read here, there was discomfort.
This problem started taking over my life. I changed my diet, my daily habits, I drink less alcohol and go out less. I became very well aquainted with my anus - I discovered that the lump I always though was a pile was probably a skin tag from a previous or the current fissure. It is a small lump of skin about the size of my little finger nail, at the anterior midline (towards my scrotum).
Over the months I was prescribed various things. With GTN cream I was healed for 6 weeks. Only to experience more bleeding when I stopped using it. I must point out - I don't think I've ever had spasms, my pain is usually limited to a tearing sensation when I have a bowel movement, although I often feel a certain amount of discomfort throughout the day.
Fed up with not being properly healed, I asked the GP to refer me to a specialist at the hospital. Just so I could get someone to do a proper examination and give me a proper diagnosis - the doctor agreed and said that he was also worried that I had lost a lot of weight - which I told them was because I was so worried about eating because of the fissure. A couple of months ago - when I was going through a seemingly good phase - I saw a CRS at the hospital. He inspected me with an anuscope and said that although he could see some scar tissue where the skin tag was he could see no fissure. He said he wanted me to have a colonoscopy because of the weight loss and to check everything was ok. I didn't really want to have it done, as I knew the reason for the weight loss was due to eating less because of the fissure.
Anyway, I had the colonoscopy last Friday. The actual procedure and prep weren't too bad as I'd fasted sufficiently and used plenty of vaseline for prep day. In the weeks leading up to it I'd only been having very mild, intermittent bleeding and discomfort.
Unfortunately, I asked the endoscopist to check for the fissure just before the procedure. I assumed he would use the scope, but he did a rather rough digital exam, which hurt a lot, before informing me that, yes, I had a fissure in the middle of the skin tag.
3 days after that, I'm now bleeding every day. My skin tag seems more swollen than usual, and I feel I am back where I was 8 months ago. The colonscopy didn't find anything wrong, as I knew it wouldn't, and I just feel utterly depressed.
What do I do now? Go back to the GP? Go back to the hospital? I feel pathetic that I cannot cope anymore, even though my fissure is nowhere near as bad as most of the people on here. I honestly have started feeling like giving up. This has taken over 8 months of my life and I can't go through another 8 months.
Is it just something I should learn to live with? Should I just get used to bleeding intermittently for the rest of my life? I have a history of obsessive thoughts and anxiety - should I just assume it is this taking over?
One of my biggest concerns: Left untreated, will my fissure become an abcess because it is tucked behind the skin tag? I have a little trouble keeping the area clean because of the small flap skin. Does this mean that it could get infected.
Sorry for the long post, but I just needed to get it all out. I've missed a lot of things out here. My head is just jumbled up with thinking about this every minute of the day for 8 months.