I am sooooooooooooooo upset and now nervous again:( . This morning I had my usual morning BM and I felt a tiny pinch and I had a drop of blood in the toilet :( :( :( . I am sooooooo upset now. I am terrified for the next BM because I don't know what is going to happen. If I didn't have to work today I would have stayed in bed crying all day. I just don't want this to start all over again

Fire,
Do you have some ointment you can use??
I know how upsetting even a TINY bit of blood used to be for me. :roll: Just try to remind yourself that anxiety and nervousness will not help your situation, but I know that it's not easy to relax when one is mad and upset!!!!!

I have my diltiazem that I picked up on Friday, which I did make sure to use it today, but it's my last prescription. I think that I am more sad then anything. I just want this to be over. I guess I will be eating extra fruit tonight.

Hey there, I had a few times where I saw blood in the toilet or on the TP even when I had no fissure pain whatsoever. So don't worry about it being a harbinger of worst pain to come. But it does probably mean your fissure is still open. Did you have any changes in diet recently?
I don't recall if you considered Botox before, but it's something I'd suggest looking into if the creams aren't working. None of the creams completely resolved my fissure but Botox gave me months of nearly 100% normal life. In the long run I re-tore the fissure, but a lot of that is probably because I was feeling so good after Botox that I got careless with my fissure care.

I know how d#$#@#$ (bad word) frustrating these AF's can be!! Maybe NG's suggestion of Botox might be a good choice for you. I was ready to try that if the ointment didn't do the trick.

I think that the "harbinger of worst pain to come" is what really scares me. I don't mind so much a spot of blood here and there....although it freaks me out and of course I would rather there not be any at all, but the thought of getting the pain back that I had for almost 2 months scares me to death. I seriously missed more work in that 2 months then I did in the whole 9 yrs. of working at my present job...or close to it. There were times that I could not walk, stand, sit...I couldn't do anything but lay in bed and cry, and I wasn't even comfortable in bed either.
I would love to know if my fissure has healed at least partially, but my CRS said that I didn't need to go back to see him unless I was having problems...meaning severe pain. And...I would rather not see him about this because he is just toooooooo focused on surgery.
As for my diet....nothing has changed. But Sunday I did eat more solid foods like chicken, mashed potatoes and cooked celery...instead of eating my million bowls of soup.
I also noticed that the "tip" of the BM was a little more solid, but the rest was very soft. Maybe that's what caused the blood. It happened again this evening, but the spot of blood showed up in the beginning and when I cleaned myself there was no blood spots on the wipes.
What exactly can a Botox injection do for this???? Does it help it heal...or does it just numb that area????

Not all doctors believe in the same treatments, so if your doc is hell bent on surgery, and you're not ready for surgery, then I'd see someone else for another opinion. I think (correct me if I'm wrong) I recall you being somewhere in the Philly area, hopefully you're near a big city where you can find plenty of docs.
Botox paralyzes the sphincter muscle so it can't spasm. The current belief is that fissures are a self-reinforcing entity: the fissure causes a spasm, which makes the fissure worse, which makes the spasm worse, and so on. So the idea is that paralyzing the sphincter using Botox gives it time to heal without spasms. Localized Botox injections are used in a number of other neuromuscular disorders involving muscle hypertonicity.
Personally I loved my few months after Botox. The injection itself hurt but only very momentarily and the few months afterward were pure bliss. In studies fissures treated with Botox have a much higher long term recurrence rate than surgery but it's also much less invasive.
Truthfully a lot of people who have had Botox ultimately went on to have LIS later, but still, I don't see what there is to lose by trying it. Personally I wish I'd just tried Botox again instead of getting LIS.

NG,
I just want to commend you for giving such lengthy, good advice to so many people in spite of your own problems. You always seem to have researched everything to the "nth" degree!!
Fire,
I used the Diltiazem on and off for a couple of years, and as Kim says, the trajectory of healing an AF is not always in a straight line--there are dips of regression and then spurts of going fast forward to healing. I'll say a prayer for you tonight because I know that you are very anxious about your situation right now.

Neuro....I live in the Pittsburgh area.
A few weeks ago I looked into the CRS's that are around. There aren't many to choose from...at least any good ones from the reviews that I have read about them. Some sound pretty scary and don't care too much about the patient's discomfort and like to poke at patients...if you KWIM. I did call one but I was told it would be at least 1 month before getting in to see him because he is the only CRS at the present time in that office. I also called a GI MD and the lady I spoke with said that he would want to do an internal....not going to let that happen....I have a rip/ulcer whatever inside...why would I let someone do an internal and risk them scraping it and/or making it worse:face: .
I am not having the spasms/pain that I used to have....so would I need or should I consider Botox????? I just had some pinching today during the beginning of the BM and then the spot of blood.
WOW....I work in the medical field and have worked in a hospital...and I HATE the medical field. Some of it scares me, but then I also see how some MD's recommend things for patients just for the money. I'm not saying that all MD's are that way, but I have been in the med. field for 11 yrs. and I have seen alot of that. I'm not too trusting of a person obviously when it comes to MD's. So when my CRS suggested surgery after 3 weeks of dilt. it got me wondering is it just a money thing. After explaining to him that I was not having the pain/spasms with my BM that is when he had me use dilt. another 5-6 weeks...so this will be my last week of that.
I have a doc. appt. with my PCP tomorrow...I was thinking about explaining the situation of how the CRS wants to rush into surgery...and how I have actually been feeling better...not 100%, but better....maybe he will prescribe the dilt. to me for another month. I figured it's worth a try.
cherlyk....Thanks for the prayer!!!!! I really could use it!!!
Thanks so much, to both of you for you input and advice, and thanks for just being here!!!!!!!!!

Fire,
I'll share your situation with my friend Dwight tomorrow when I speak with him. He's kind of a member in absentia here because I have shared news of various boardies with him in the past. He's a hospice chaplain and also a part-time minister (he has a church, but he is still a part-time minister).
Feel free to send me a PM if you ever want to do that!!