Ok-- hi! I just joined yesterday and felt like I should finally tell you all what's been going on. I've struggled w on and off fissures I want to say for 10 years but didn't know that's what it was. I thought it was hemorrhoids! Since I was 19 I realized lol specs of blood would be on my toilet paper every now and then. I had no pain. It was until one day actually last year that I encountered the worst pain of my entire life after trying to pass a hard, dry, big stool. At the time I wasn't taking care of my body and I wasn't drinking water or eating healthy.

I couldn't pass the stool and pushed so hard w no evail. Later that night I tried again because the pressure to go was still there. It wasn't til then I started to feel the pain and started to cry. My husband heard me and held my hand. I could barely get a drop out the pain was so bad. In the morning I called into work because something was seriously wrong. I tried to go again and the pain felt like I was pooping out glass. I screamed so loud and felt like passing out from the pain. I ended up going to the emergency room and the nurse stuck her finger up me (I have NO IDEA why!!) but it hurt more than you could ever imagine. I screamed like hell. She told me it was a tear..& to take miralax and to do an enema. I thought I would get some relief and they would relieve me of my stool that was still in there but I was terrified to let out.

I went to CVS and got the enema package. When I got home I sat in a sitz bath and all of the sudden it was time.... I used barely anything of the enema and it started to come. I screamed. For 2-3 days I screamed in pain and was in tears due to my tear. It was the most painful thing I could have ever experienced. My husband didn't understand. I was so depressed and I took a week off of work because of it and had to tell my male boss what was going on which was so embarrassing!

I finally got relieve after a few days and the miralax really helped. I tried to ween off of the miralax and I relapse. I went to a gastroenterologist and they said I re tore again. They gave me nifedipine cream and told me to use it 2x a day and after BMs for 2 weeks. I tried my best. I still relapse to this day. I have relapsed even on my honeymoon and it ruined my honeymoon trip. It's literally all you think about and if I have too many BMs it will re tear. I'm tired of feeling this way. I'm a 27 yr old that just got married and thank god my husband understand now bc this has really taken a toll on our sex life. Which sucks. I try to drink as much water as I can and eat better. But I have had a skin tag that makes me feel like I can't get my stool out 8/10 of the time. I have to twist my body a certain way and push to get it out. Sometimes holding on to a railing will get it out. I try not to strain but it's the only way I'm relieved. I am visiting a colorectal surgeon in feb and I hope she can help me w a dif alternative than surgery.

I would appreciAte any words of wisdom. Thank you for listening. It feels so good to have people that feel the same way as you.

Hi cjoy, so sorry to hear you have been having such a terrible time of it. There are many people here who can relate to the pain you have been going through, and thanks for sharing your story.

A big part of this problem is the mental trauma it causes people. The fact it's difficult to share with friends makes it so much worse for people.

Take heart however, most people get through this, and there are lots of options to try before surgery. Even if you do have surgery 99.5% of people have no further continence problems. Your age is also on your side, the younger you are the better and faster your body will heal. Things can take time though, but I'm sure you will get there.

Everyone hear understands what you are going through. Good luck and let us know how things progress.

Best, LemonMan

Thank you so much! It really can make you feel like your life just will forever be this and you will never get better. I just want to be normal again sooooo bad!!! I'm really hoping to try all the options I can before surgery. This has been very hard your right to explain to people and have them understand. I hope to have a cure soon so I can share.

Any update after this ... i hope you have recovered.