Hi ETO,
Thankyou for your encouraging words! I'm feeling a little better than I was.... The glass feeling has eased and the hell stinging/burning. I am back on the Rectogesic, doing more baths with salts added and back on 4 magnesium a day. Maybe you're right, I am doing everything right, and the fact I have high resting pressure is the main issue. It's 2 years in September since this crap started.... I'm exhausted! As you know I just want my life back. I'm not too sure about the Valium! I came off all the Ads etc... So I am a little apprehensive about taking something else.... My doc did say last time I saw her that ampytripaline may help, it's an AD that's also prescribed to help pain.... The Sertraline was giving me side effects, so I'm not sure how I'd cope on stronger drugs!?? Maybe it might be a good thing though, as I could be put in a temporary coma, and just wake back up on the day of my surgery! Lol. Yes, I need that intervention, and unfortunately I'm never going to heal naturally. The mental anguish is just as bad. I can't relax as I know eventually I'm going to have another tear. This recent one has been particularly bad. I'm not sure if stress plays a part too... Because my muscle is already tight when I'm stressed things go into overdrive.

I need to go and live on a desert island where I can live a stress free, fissure free life.....

Rachael, I've heard that the ampytripolene is good for 'what we have' and it is only given in small doses. I would like to try it too, as the sensations just won't be gone, and think it would help with my IBS too. So tired of it all, but aren't we all.

Rachel, so sorry that you keep having the setbacks. Hang in there, you are almost there. Stay positive.

Hi Rach,
I think you've done brilliantly to cope with everything you have so far and I do genuinely believe that you have not done or are not doing anything wrong at all....if you're doing great without meds, fabulous! but sometimes, it just gets too much, too tiring, too overwhelming and there is no weakness in taking something that will help (only temporarily of course) This was a lesson I had to learn - the girl who wouldn't even take a painkiller at one point in her life because of her stubborn beliefs, but there came a time when I thought "Stuff this, I need something to help!!" and it never did me any harm either. I think ADs when used for the right reasons are actually an amazing support. I know they helped get me out of many a rut in my past....Diazepam is not prescribed lightly by GPs but I can see why it's addictive because it makes you feel "normal" and good in yourself again. The pain is no longer the focus in your life, you feel you can cope again and I was prescribed the mildest dose you can possibly get and I can't begin to tell you how much it helped me through! It is nothing to fear and will remove all your anxiety for many hours.....but of course, that is totally your choice my lovely......Hopefully, you will start to feel more comfortable again very soon though.......The count-down continues for you until you get this resolved!! Take care of yourself in the meantime and yes, try to stay calm....Stress stinks!!! It wreaks havoc on your body & mind, so keep visualising that calm, beautiful, solitary desert island of yours!!! xxxxxxxxxx

Thankyou everyone.......

Today has been a better day. Didn't seem to have as much pain on BM, and I've managed okay today. But.... I won't speak too soon as tomorrow could be a nightmare again, we all know how unpredictable Fissures are. Last night I had a weird dream.... Someone was telling me to keep going, it was one of those dreams when you can hear everything but can't see who's talking to you. I'm seeing this as a sign that people are watching over me and willing me to carry on, even through the hell days. I can't thank everyone enough on this forum for your ongoing support and kind words. Xxxxx

Hi!.....Glad today has been better for you....and that voice in your weird dream was more than likely you and your inner self reassuring you that you are doing all the right things! You have such strength, which makes me think of an affirmation someone sent me recently....."Hey, little fighter, things will soon be much brighter!" (love it!) xx

Love that ETO!!

It's not long Rachael until your surgery.... You will be free of this nightmare once and for all then.
As ETO says though, there is no shame in taking prescribed meds to get you through these difficult times.... And boy, you've had your fair share of those this last year! You are a tough cookie, and you will get through this!!
I think your dream speaks volumes..... It's your loved ones reassuring you and watching over you... And it's just what you need right now!

Hi all,
Thankyou, I break up from work next Thursday, so I'm hoping the 2 week break will do me good.... Just some time to chill and relax. Can't face going away, I'll just be miserable if I'm in pain.

Rachael,

I'm a little confused...I was reading your botox diary and it stated that you had normal resting pressure when you had the test done, did you have another test done to determine the high resting pressure? Did they make a mistake the first time?

Hi all,
Still in pain, but the annoying sore uncomfortable pain.... Ugh. The hospital have changed my appointment too to six days later...
Hi A, no my pressure is definitely high. When I had the tests done the nurse said everything looked normal, which I took as normal pressure. When I got to see my CRs he said its high, which is why I get the re-tears and pain. I thought I was doomed as they don't normally do LIS if the pressure is normal. I see they say you have a tight muscle... Did they mention doing the pressure test?