New to the forum, hope I can get some much needed help!

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New to the forum, hope I can get some much needed help!

Postby AnxietyGrl » 07 May 2013, 14:40

Hi everyone. I am so glad I found this forum! I have been dealing with a fissue since mid-late January of this year. I will try to make a long story short. In early January I was put on antibiotics for a sinus infection. Shortly after completing the 10 days of antibiotics, I became extremely constipated. Instead of using my head and getting a stool softner, I forced myself to go. I know, what was I thinking, right? I wish I could turn back time now. Anyway, after I passed a very hard stool I then began to notice blood on my stool and on the toilet paper. Naturally, this freaked me out. The pain with every BM started shortly thereafter. I had a trip planned so I waited until I got back to go see a doctor. Dumb, I know. I guess I was really hoping it would just go away. I had done a ton of internet research and was pretty sure I was dealing with a fissure. I saw my gyno on Feb. 28th. She did an exam and confirmed that I had a fissure. She then referred me to a gastroenterologist. Here is where the next chapter of my ordeal started. Almost immediately after she referred me, I began to experience extreme anxiety. I saw the GI doctor on March 12th. She also did an exam and confirmed that I had a little skin tag commonly associated with a fissure. She prescribed Nifedipine, and told me to follow up in 6 weeks to schedule a colonoscopy. Yikes! My anxiety then went from a 10 to a 1000!!! I was totally freaked out and convinced I had some horrible disease. Fast forward. I had my colonoscopy on April 8th and other than confirming the fissure and small internal hemmorhoids, the rest of the exam was normal. Phew! But my anxiety was not. My digestive system was a complete mess and is still not back to normal. Anxiety related? The fissure has still not healed. I have been using the ointment and trying to eat the best I can, drinking lots of water, etc. Needless to say, and you can all relate, I am so frustrated and borderline depressed about this whole thing! At this point, the pain has decreased and I am not seeing blood with every BM, but at times I will still see a light pinkish spot on the toilet paper. Of course when this happens, it sets me back and makes me upset and sad again. The pain also comes and goes. It was almost all gone and then came back again and has now gotten better. Could this all mean the fissure may be in its healing stages? Thanks in advance for your responses. I'm not sure how much longer I can deal with this. It has really affected the quality of my life. I just want it to be over and done with.
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Re: New to the forum, hope I can get some much needed help!

Postby marg6043 » 07 May 2013, 17:44

AnxietyGrl,sorry to hear that you are dealing with a fissure, but this is what got most of us here in these forums.
Sadly, when fissures gets chronic, (more than 4 weeks) is harder to treat it, but not impossible, some heal faster than others.
Most of us have been dealing with fissures for months and some for years and even decades.
My last fissure is been going for 11 months and like you, after the terrifying pain, spams and bloody stools and toilet water, it settle down into more easy to deal irritation and once in a while a set back of some pink in the toilet paper after a BM, that is life living with a fissure.
Most of us had also the feeling of anxiety, that is understandable when you are not familiar with this affliction.
As you read into some post of members experiences with this problem you see that everything you are feeling is normal when dealing with fissures.
Diet is very important and also keeping the tools soft to avoid irritation and painful retears.
Once you get a routine that you feel comfortable with you can have back your life.
Still sometimes this fissure do not go away no matter what we do and surgery is the last choice.
I hipe you find some asnwers in the forums.
I wish you the best.
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Re: New to the forum, hope I can get some much needed help!

Postby AnxietyGrl » 08 May 2013, 08:54

Thank you for your response. It does help to know there are others out there that have gone through or are going through this same horrible experience. At least you know you are not alone. At this point, I just feel hopeless and terrified of the notion that my fissure may never heal! I'm not sure if I can handle this stress for several more months, etc. I'm already depressed and am having a really hard time eating. I have lost a lot of weight. I am thinking about going to talk to a therapist to help me geth through this. The doctors all feel that my stress and anxiety is preventing me from getting better and also contributing to my digestive issues. I believe they are right because before all of this started I never had issues eating or going normal to the restroom. Now, everything seems like it's CRAZY! I started taking probiotics a couple of weeks ago. Not sure if they are helping yet or not. I'm trying to eat as best I can, but it's hard when your mood is killing your appetite. I am working with a nutritionist also and I started taking multi vitamins to make sure my body is getting enough nutrients. So I feel like I'm doing all I can, but just wish this fissure would heal so I can move on with my life. Oh well, one day at a time I guess. Wishing you the best as well! I haven't seen the bright red blood in a long time (only light pink from time to time) and the pain is less, so I am keeping my fingers crossed that this means the fissure may be starting to heal!!!
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Re: New to the forum, hope I can get some much needed help!

Postby marg6043 » 08 May 2013, 13:49

AncietyGrl, I know exactly how you feel with the anxiety and depression, many of us has been there and feel that, what we have is unique and that we will have to live with it for the rest of our lives, some people are sympathetic but others can not imagine how it feels when they never have fissures before.
My fissure was misdiagnosed as hems when I first went to the doctor to find out what the pain was and that was 29 years ago, after the birth of my first child.
It wasn't until a bad flare up of what I believe to be hems last year turn out to be a fissure.
Diet, relaxation and the proper medical treatment will help in your healing.
I can only tell you that once you have fissures your eating habits have to change.
A bit of pink after a BM is sign that you are healing, perhaps slowly but surely, after 11 months I am on that stage, never back to the way it used to be with the incredible pain and spams but more manageable.
You can work with your mind and body to make things better and is nice that you are getting help.
But fissures can flare up again when we do not follow routine, It happens to me before.
Remember to lubricate the area before a BM with vaseline or any other oils, to avoid a retear.
Give some time to your body to heal on its own, remember that you still have the choice of surgery if nothing works.
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Re: New to the forum, hope I can get some much needed help!

Postby bgd » 08 May 2013, 13:53

Be more optimistic, it sounds like you're not doing that bad after all, if pain is improving. Other than the unpleasantry of the blood, how bad is the pain? Does it interfere with your daily activities?
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Re: New to the forum, hope I can get some much needed help!

Postby Ever the Optimist » 08 May 2013, 13:53

AnxietyGrl,
You are so not alone in your intensity of stress that accompanies a fissure but in order to start the healing process, you do have to relieve yourself of some of that major anxiety going on. You are completely correct in saying that it's probably affecting your digestive system and you only have to read some of the other posts to see how much weight people lose, either because of trying to adjust their diets to being fissure friendly or because there is no urge and a fear to eat for fear of what comes out the other end! I ended up on anti-depressants to get me through the worse because I was scared, anxious, depressed and I simply couldn't see a way out and I have to say, they played a huge role in getting my poor obsessed brain back on track....I was also offered counselling, I started using relaxation CDs at night to encourage positive thinking, I kept a diary to plot my diet and moods and to see what helped & when. I hit rock bottom but after a while genuinely realised I had to pull myself together to get through it all. I accepted the situation, stopped blaming myself and adopted a lot of positive affirmations that I would constantly use to reinforce positive thinking and healing. I started to experiment with foods and get pleasure from creating fissure friendly meals, I became more open about my condition, I forced myself into distraction if I felt overwhelmed by negative thinking, I threw myself into new hobbies and became more mindful, dwelling on the good moments and dismissing the bad days by telling myself they were just bad days and it was just part of the healing process. I immersed myself in meditation at night time. Slowly but slowly, things got better and today, I'm nearly healed of my chronic fissure (but not quite!) I continue to "convince" myself daily that I am healing and I am nearly there. You are probably doing everything you already can and it really is day by day. There will be set backs ( I know, I just had one but it's not as bad as I thought it was!) but this is part of the learning and healing process. If you are not bleeding quite so much and your pain is lessening, these are good signs and convince yourself of that!!
If you are not using vaseline to pre lubricate the area before a BM, start doing so - this really helps and my final tip, would be Coconut Oil post BM - just smear over your anal opening and maybe a little internally to provide you with relief as it is naturally incredibly soothing and moisturising.
Truly wishing you all the very best but do work on your anxiety levels and eliminating that stress because you will feel so much stronger and so much more able to mentally deal with the whole issue x
Chronic Fissure diagnosed December 2011
Healed by Diltiazem around Feb 2013
Anal Fistula followed burst abscess in June 2012
2 internal troublesome piles remain & suspected, but undiagnosed, ongoing Levator Ani type symptoms & flare-ups
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Re: New to the forum, hope I can get some much needed help!

Postby bgd » 08 May 2013, 14:05

I'd just like to reinforce what Optimist said, vaseline before BM is one of the best tips I got, thanks board. What a difference! Why my doctor didn't say anything about this??
An equally good tip I received here is hot bath before BM. Boy what a difference it makes in relaxing and opening the sphincter! But getting the right temp is also crucial. I was doing baths at about 30C for weeks and they did NOTHING to me. It's basic physics, you have to give an object more heat than it currently has in order to dilate. So temp should be somewhat above body temperature. Watch out though, too much heat causes inflammation.
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Re: New to the forum, hope I can get some much needed help!

Postby AnxietyGrl » 08 May 2013, 14:17

Wow, you guys are amazing!!! Thank you so much! Your kind words of encouragment and tips really help ....... more than you know. I will do the vaseline thing before a BM from now on. Well, when I'm not at work anyway. Haha. I actually just had a BM at work, no blood on the toilet paper but I could swear there was a streak on the stool. Pain was managable. I was really bummed out about the blood and then read your replies and they made me feel better. So thanks again! Ever the Optimist, you hit many nails on the head. I think I am right now where you were. I am trying so hard every day to not let it beat me down, some days are better than others. My doc told me to STOP examining my every stool and STOP looking at the toilet paper every time. At this point, I guess she is right. What's the point, I am only tormenting myself with EVERY bm. I just need to learn to flush the darn toilet when I'm done. Gee, can't remember what it feels like to just be able to do that. It's the little things we take for granted, huh? Now I just need to really work on my stress level which in turn I'm hoping will help my appetite. And I guess one positive is that I lost a MUCH needed 20 pounds. I will take your tips to heart. You guys rule!
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Re: New to the forum, hope I can get some much needed help!

Postby bgd » 08 May 2013, 14:54

BM at work, what a walk in park :D You're fine, believe me. Read some of the horror stories here about people crawling on the floor in tears, missing months from work and you'll feel better in an instant :)
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Re: New to the forum, hope I can get some much needed help!

Postby Ever the Optimist » 08 May 2013, 15:03

LOL AnxietyGrl,
I can so relate to that stool checking/ bottom checking - well, obsession actually!
Guess that's why they gave me Sertraline as an AD (it's targeted at OCD!!!)....
BGD is spot on!
I'm still not brave enough to have a BM at work because it's too far away from the comforts of my vaseline, shower head & Coconut Oil!!! Luckily, my movements seem to fall first thing in the morning and just after I finish work, so it's not been an issue !
Chronic Fissure diagnosed December 2011
Healed by Diltiazem around Feb 2013
Anal Fistula followed burst abscess in June 2012
2 internal troublesome piles remain & suspected, but undiagnosed, ongoing Levator Ani type symptoms & flare-ups
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