Long post so I apologize.....

I deal with generalized anxiety disorder and while in grad
school I developed panic attacks as there were health concerns that occurred suddenly in my family. My balance was out of whack in this intense health program.
I'm now on a few week break before moving for clinicals which is a 6 month process, I'll graduate and then take the boards.
I have just learned since going on break that I may have an anal fistula. I didn't even know what this was really.... I honestly thought I was dealing with hemorrhoids, but found it odd that I have always ate well with fiber, am at an excellent weight and so on. I even posted last year my fear and worries about going in for a rectal exam. I was blown off then and told it was basic hemorrhoids and given cream. No improvements and by March I had my normal pelvic exam, mentioned it to the PA again... She looked at me and said "you're still dealing with them... eat more fiber". Ugh!
I see a doctor (this is all at a university health center) for my anxiety who is very nice. I emailed him with my worries and newer symptoms, he agreed to refer me to a colorectal surgeon.
The surgeon also seemed to think it was basically anxiety (causing IBS) and that being so anxious that I am over cleaning so to speak causing an abrasion to my skin. I left so depleted that my GAD and panic was to blame, I even told him my issues with this and increased health anxiety. He said he saw a small spot by a tag, and stated "It looks like what he we call a fistula but is NOT one".... I asked for any holistic ideas and he had none.
My fiancé has been amazing and decided to call back to tell the doctor what he had seen, as he has been applying my creams (seriously, I feel I have lost all dignity.. even though I have no issue with him doing it, I'm just over being in the spot to have this happen and feel depleted!).... Doctor then stated based on this he believes too it is a fistula. Although I have a classic triad of enlarged papillae, tags and so on... I think the "spot" or hole (hard to tell) is below the tag on the posterior end and isn't on the anal sphincter.
I have doctor friends who I have confided in, they have panicked me over Crohns and so on.... So we asked the doctor about this on the phone conversation and he stated it was a very low probability.
I suppose getting to the point here... I start clinicals in another state June 30th. I have a 2nd opinion or rather a better opinion/clearer answers appointment in a major city on Monday. I am terrified of this
surgery if this is what it is due to the complications. I'm feeling so anxious and panicked over if it will affect my clinicals, pushing back my boards and if the complications will affect my choice down the line in choosing how I wish to have children (I know thats not always a choice.. but I'd like to be whole and have options).
I had
acupuncture yesterday for the 1st time... the woman said I was extremely anxious, had been depleted for many years, and in deep grief... It made me more anxious! I basically emotionally shut down there.
I'm 35, I feel like I finally am getting married next year, finally in a field I love (though this anxiety has depleted me of caring about anything!)... I'm just worried non stop about everything. I feel like its spiraled.
Anyways, I know this was a long post. But any support or advice of those who have gone through something similar or not would be appreciated.
Thanks guys, honestly. This was such a hard post for me to share these details. I am terrified of what else it could be, why my body has turned on me... is it more and more health issues??? ...My mind is out of control...

Sorry, I should clarify... I posted on a board last year called Dailystrength about my worries about a rectal exam. Secondly, I mention where things are because that is what makes me assume its not a fissure. Excuse the errors, I'm pretty tired as I haven't been able to sleep much and am simply burned out beyond belief and preparing for clinicals.

Deleted user,

You are not alone in experiencing the feeling of being out of control and helpless; we are here to vent and support each other. I've found a great support system on this website and have learned a lot; hopefully others can chime in about their experience with this surgery on look into different forums.

Sorry to hear you are going through this unwelcome problem also, I am scheduled for LIS surgery on the 18th for an anal fissure, CRS assures me all will be better, I will have been dealing with this 6 months at time of surgery, and it got old some time ago. Tried creams suppositories, acupuncture, sitz baths, nitro glycerin cream, herbal pills to increase blood flow in lower part of body, and a treatment using mission figs, and all the relief I have had was for like two 5 day stretches, where pain subsided, as tear had healed, only to tear again. and start over. I too was told a couple times that stress could cause this; but when I met with CRS last Monday, he explained that the spasms are caused by the inner sphincter which is the involuntary muscle, having a tear even through normal bowel movements can cause a tear, and sometimes causes the muscle to lock up, and sometimes it will release, but he said it is a pretty good bet that if it hasn't released in 3 months it probably isn't going to, and surgery is the best option. He said relief would be felt soon afterwards, looking forward to that, Any chance you have a fissure, and not a fistula? Tired of living my life around my butthole, I take courage from reading about others here, and know I will get through this awful time. Wishing you a speedy answer.

Thanks everyone for your support. I resigned up (was a bit confused initially by the settings) and am Manitourose. You are all so helpful!! Had my surgery last Thursday. Recovering slowly but well, created a diary which has been really cathartic.