Long post so I apologize.....
I deal with generalized anxiety disorder and while in grad
school I developed panic attacks as there were health concerns that occurred suddenly in my family. My balance was out of whack in this intense health program.
I'm now on a few week break before moving for clinicals which is a 6 month process, I'll graduate and then take the boards.
I have just learned since going on break that I may have an anal fistula. I didn't even know what this was really.... I honestly thought I was dealing with hemorrhoids, but found it odd that I have always ate well with fiber, am at an excellent weight and so on. I even posted last year my fear and worries about going in for a rectal exam. I was blown off then and told it was basic hemorrhoids and given cream. No improvements and by March I had my normal pelvic exam, mentioned it to the PA again... She looked at me and said "you're still dealing with them... eat more fiber". Ugh!
I see a doctor (this is all at a university health center) for my anxiety who is very nice. I emailed him with my worries and newer symptoms, he agreed to refer me to a colorectal surgeon.
The surgeon also seemed to think it was basically anxiety (causing IBS) and that being so anxious that I am over cleaning so to speak causing an abrasion to my skin. I left so depleted that my GAD and panic was to blame, I even told him my issues with this and increased health anxiety. He said he saw a small spot by a tag, and stated "It looks like what he we call a fistula but is NOT one".... I asked for any holistic ideas and he had none.
My fiancé has been amazing and decided to call back to tell the doctor what he had seen, as he has been applying my creams (seriously, I feel I have lost all dignity.. even though I have no issue with him doing it, I'm just over being in the spot to have this happen and feel depleted!).... Doctor then stated based on this he believes too it is a fistula. Although I have a classic triad of enlarged papillae, tags and so on... I think the "spot" or hole (hard to tell) is below the tag on the posterior end and isn't on the anal sphincter.
I have doctor friends who I have confided in, they have panicked me over Crohns and so on.... So we asked the doctor about this on the phone conversation and he stated it was a very low probability.
I suppose getting to the point here... I start clinicals in another state June 30th. I have a 2nd opinion or rather a better opinion/clearer answers appointment in a major city on Monday. I am terrified of this
surgery if this is what it is due to the complications. I'm feeling so anxious and panicked over if it will affect my clinicals, pushing back my boards and if the complications will affect my choice down the line in choosing how I wish to have children (I know thats not always a choice.. but I'd like to be whole and have options).
I had
acupuncture yesterday for the 1st time... the woman said I was extremely anxious, had been depleted for many years, and in deep grief... It made me more anxious! I basically emotionally shut down there.
I'm 35, I feel like I finally am getting married next year, finally in a field I love (though this anxiety has depleted me of caring about anything!)... I'm just worried non stop about everything. I feel like its spiraled.
Anyways, I know this was a long post. But any support or advice of those who have gone through something similar or not would be appreciated.
Thanks guys, honestly. This was such a hard post for me to share these details. I am terrified of what else it could be, why my body has turned on me... is it more and more health issues??? ...My mind is out of control...