Hi Msimon,
I can get a finger in - is it safe to put barrier cream inside?
I think I can hold in gas. It seems that I have more muscle strength higher up, and it is at the opening where is lacks strength - although this is just a guess.
Obviously I am only guessing about the external sphincter defect. But I am convinced that mine was a low pressure fissure. Since I never had the excruciating pain associated with most fissures who experience painful spasms. The most pain I ever felt was when being examined - and it was this that lead to my surgeon saying that the pain was caused by the spasm and that pressure tests were not necessary.
I can't help thinking that LIS was the wrong op for me. I've been reading about "subcutaneous fissurotomy" -
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17712594 - and that sounds like it would have been a better option. They treat the fissure almost like a fistula, and deroof it, excising the skin tag, which essentially widens that part of the anus and allows it to heal on its own without the need for LIS. I wish I could go back and suggest this.
The people who did that study say that a fissure is like a small blind fistula tract - and I've often thought that mine is like that - I can almost feel/see the fissure going under the skin tag and up towards the pernieum. Since LIS, the fissure looks exactly the same. In fact, the only positive difference since LIS is that I have not bled, and I can pass larger stools easier. That is not enough of a positive outcome in my opinion, considering that I am facing the downsides of considerably more soreness and discomfort and leakage.
I am close to giving up again. My problems are probably nothing compared to many people's, but combined with my mental issues I find it all too much to handle.