I see you guys as my saviours. Please help...beginning to feel suicidal...

First, I am a 29 y/o active guy (training at a cross fit gym every day, and I am saying that just so you have accurate info to help me and not because of the stereotype cross fitter that has to say he does cross fit when meeting up with anybody :) ) and I also own my business with 10 employees. I just can't take a day off...

It started end of February, been using glycerin cream twice a day, bath with coconut oil, eat fruits, vegetables and beans. Using Lax-a-Day each day before going to bed by adding the recommended amount in a full glass of water although I feel I am killing myself using this toxic chemical...

End of February, just the finger test done by the doctor would cause huge pain. Now I am putting the glycerin cream in twice a day and feel minimal pain.

However, as soon as a stool gets just a little bit harder than, let's say, soft ice cream, it just won't come out unless I push hard and so the fissure worsen and I get blood stain on toilet paper.

This causes another problem, I am now afraid as hell to go to the bathroom. I try to go at least 3 times a day so the stool is as soft as possible, but with sports and my business taking most of my time, sometimes, I can only go once. This causes the stool to be harder and there is no way it will come out without using enema...

As I am now eating only soup, beans, fruits and veggies, I lost 12 pounds in less than 10 days which is worrying me a lot as well.

I just do not know if I am on the path of healing. How do I know if I am healing?

Should I use enema every time the stool is to hard to go out?

What can I eat to make it as soft as possible WITHOUT use of toxic chemical products like lax-a-day? And should I throw away the glycerin cream and use coconut oil instead ? If yes, should I put some "inside" and on the outside of my hole?

What food should I avoid at all cost?

Any other tip so I can heal quick?

Please help me, sports is keeping me sane and free my mind out of my high-stress business, it's the only way I can step back, 10 people are counting on me to get a pay check every week, should I take too many days off, there are 10 families who won't have money to pay for their own expenses.

Please help!

My tip is to try some ointments like Rectogesic and if they don`t help find the best surgeon possible and have the operation.

I wasn't able to start healing until I began to get my stool soft enough with a stool softener in the morning and a probiotic in the evening, as well as avoiding most dairy. I also saw healing with the combination of that + nifedpine topical ointment from my doctor. Best of luck, but there is hope. Drink lots of water, cross fittter!