Hello everyone, first off let me say that I feel for every single one of you in here as this is something truly awful and I wouldn't want my worst enemy to go through what any of us are going through. That being said, here's my somewhat graphic story.

I want to say around 7 months ago was when it started. My first AF. I just remember the toilet being filled with blood and the bright red color of blood being shown on the toilet paper. It brought me to a full panic attack. I couldn't believe how much blood there was, I thought I was going to pass out and was positive I had some kind of colon cancer.

So after visiting the doctor for the first time he told me I had an AF. He prescribed some kind of suppository that was supposed to heal any kind of irritation. I took them on and off, to be honest the uncomfortable feeling of laying on the bathroom floor and sticking something up 'there' made me really want to not. So I did it a few times and left it at that, hoping this would all go away.

Now between this and my anxiety disorder the months from then up until now have been awful. A month later I made another return trip to my doctor because of my symptoms. Here's a list of what I was and am still going through.

Random stabbing pains that would last a second to a handful of seconds, simultaneous stomach pains and then a pain in my rear, a feeling of ripping open when using the bathroom, and a general feeling of not being 'clean' down there. It feels like I need to wipe, does that make sense ? Like something is constantly there, and I can feel it when I walk. At least once a week I'll have a poop that feels like it's straining/tearing my hole. Upon wiping there's always bright violent blood, both on the toilet paper and some in the toilet. I've been trying to drink more water but it always seems at least one time each week I 're-tear'.

So I return to my doctor again, who then sends me to the specialist. Who I'm terrified of going to see because god knows what kind of tests they'll do on me. I tell him my problem and without even scoping very hard he notices the fissure. He prescribes me rectiv.

I start using it, but again I don't fully commit to taking the medicine all the way through. Actually now that I'm writing this I can see how silly it is that I just won't do what they're offering me to help. It comes with a headache that I just didn't want to put up with. I just kept doubting, that's the kind of person I am I guess. I figured nothing would work and nothing would help. I guess I just like to be miserable ? Anyone feel me on that one ?

Anyways I appreciate your time reading this, I did want to ask you guys here if you've gone through anything similar to what I've also been through. Do my symptoms match yours ? Let me know and maybe it can at least comfort me and help me get to the next step. I really don't want to feel like this anymore.

Hi really sorry to hear your suffering
But unfortunately these horrid things tend not to go away unless we treat them with determined effort.
I was having horrendous spasms sometimes 24 hours in duration so for me the rectogesic was literally a lifesaver....did I have a headache, yes I did but heck those headaches were nothing to the spasms. The headaches did eventually disappear into 30 seconds of pain. If you put on a small amount to start with that may help.
I guess without the spasms then the side effects of the cream and the application of it could be not only frustrating but quite depressing. All I can say is keep trying and if the headaches are awful there are always other creams to try.
I'm not sure if constipation caused your fissure or if it was diarrhoea but trying to keep on top of your diet will help
Sitz baths are really helpful as hot as you can straight after a BM and whenever you can during the day.
In the end it is just a little cut....but the indescribable agony that can come with it is unreal....it will get better and it will heal
Good luck

Hi ihateallofthis
I agree with mypoorbut, you have to stick to the application of the cream, in my country it's called Retogesic. Basically it's nitroglycerin which allows the muscle to stop contracting so hard. But it will only work in the long run so you really must be patient. For me it has been 3 months since the AF nightmare started. I am still doing the cream twice a day and I am still not healed. Because half way through these three months I was feeling better and relented a bit in the application of the cream and taking the stool softeners! A BIG mistake!
Apparently the treatments must be continuous until all the pain is gone, and the AF has healed.

However, I have realized that hard stools can reopen your AF or make new ones! So it is also extremely important to develop good habits:

- have some fiber every day ( I recommend wholegrain cereal with powdered linseed and soaked chia seeds) to make your bowels work regularly. If you do a bowl of cereal evry morning, then it's guaranteed you will become more regular in your BMs

- avoid food that blocks you up: bananas, rice, honey, coffee, tea, chocolate, honey, refined flours

- take stool softeners and drink a LOT of water to help it work

- only go to the toilet for a BM when you feel a real urge. Try to develop a routine, our bowels love routines

- avoid straining. The natural human position for BM is not sitting so avoid sitting upright, lean your chest against your knees as that helps the stools pass, or you can do this - https://qph.ec.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-6 ... aaa100d7-c

- clean with warm water. Soak in warm water or keep the area warm as heat ( for example with a heat pack covered with clean smooth cloth) helps the muscle relax and so reduces the pain (the relentless pain is caused by the permanent contraction of the muscle, which leads to more pain. It's a vicious circle and it's essential to break it)

It's not pleasant to feel a headache on top of the other AF pain, but in the long run, it will work. You must persevere, or there will be months of pain, and your fissure can become chronic.

I hope you feel better soon

I am now almost one month since being diagnosed with anal cancer. As long as the doctors keep their hands to themselves my spasms and the pain that goes along with them are currently at bay. I had to ask my doctor for Flexaril (which does help with the spasms immensely)... they had offered nothing for my symptoms while I am going to multiple medical centers for MRI and other procedures. It always surprises me that they do not really understand the level of discomfort these conditions cause... even if you get a UTI you have to know enough to ask for the pill that stops the bladder from spasming so you can get off the toilet and work, etc. At this time it is just more consultations, more tests, gathering all of the information I can so that once staging is done I can decide what my wishes are. I guess the important thing is that we try to communicate all of this to our doctors and pray for a better treatment regimen that would expedite healing.

Thankyou guys so much for the replies. It's been a week now of taking miralax and using the cream. I still have discomfort and I still get spasms. I understand this isn't a quick heal and will take some time before I can feel normal again.

The idea that this could be something 'more' always scares me. As the previous poster writes she's recovering from anal cancer, which is horrible and I'm so sorry that you're going through it. Hearing people talk of it always makes me concerned. Having GAD doesn't help my case. Literally anything I read on the internet I assume I have as well. As I've been to my doctor a few times and also a specialist, do I have reason to believe what I'm going through could be cancer ? I may be going overboard in thinking so, it could just be my overactive mind. I just have so many strange feelings down 'there'. And when I do tear open there's so much blood, almost an overwhelming amount.

I know you guys aren't doctors but if any of you could calm my nerves about what's going on. I just feel like having the same issue for the last 7 months means it could be something more than just the fissure.

hi ihateallofthis

I am not a doctor but from what I have read in this Forum it think anal fissures cana take a long time so heal, and some of them can even become chronic, so before despairing and believing you have a anal cancer, go to a specialist again and ask them the question, if you are worried, you can ask for an other exams that may give you more conclusive information about that is going on down there.

I am so sorry to hear about your problem, msmoxierana's . maybe you could share more info on how this is diagnosed? or what led you to that diagnosis?

I say goodbye, hoping you are both feeling better

Why are you laying down on bathroom floor? You put the suppository and go to bed.

Also putting hemorrhoidal wipes for the night helps a lot. You should take it seriously. If you dont do the treatments it might become chronic.

I keep hearing it might become chronic, I'm unfamiliar with what that means ? I thought it actually already was !

My problem is that I just kept ripping open. At least once a week for the last seven months. I just now started taking Miralax and its helping, however I find using it makes me wipe more than I'd like to. That's the least of my concern. A week and a half into not ripping open and it feels the same still.

Still feels very uncomfortable. Like I'm raw down there. Sometimes it hurts to walk, sometimes it itches violently from time to time. Still feels the same though. Again it's only been a week and a half of not ripping. Although I'm concerned what makes it chronic, does that mean there's no fixing it ?

There's lots of things to fix a fissure the creams work in 95% of all fissures if used correctly and if you don't like a certain cream then there are others.
It will take time to heal that area is used constantly and has lots of nerve endings for obvious reasons. Patience is needed and consistency with applying the creams and doing regular sits baths. Also if possible shower after a BM don't wipe. Or use wet toilet paper.
Chronic is a fissure that last for 12 weeks and doesn't respond to creams...that are applied as stated...there are options to try after the 12 week mark

hi to the original post. I read your concerns and I wanted to let you know even I am the kind of a person who doubts alot of treatment and get scared of thinking things might get worst. after my pregnancy I got anal skin tags which are always sensitive and squishy, all the time itching .. i went to the doctor and he suggested surgery ... and also warned me of scar tissue.
I went to two doctors who gave me ointments which I just used once or twice as I have no faith in getting treated by creams. my husband keeps telling me to use it religiously but I guess I am too stubborn to believe that a anal skin tag can get better with ointments I just feel it's waste of time.

I am extremely confused and tired .. as I have baby to take care of .. and I have read so many horror stories regarding anal surgeries .. I simply can't afford to get more sick with a baby and at the same time I can't live with this continuous sensation of flesh between my butt cheeks.

it's difficult for me also but I suggest you stop reading on Google.. it's not a healthy habit. it's better to talk to real people rather than reading all wots on internet. when I read ur post I just thot ur like me .. so responding ..

keep urself positive and don't panic although I also panic alot .. try to calm down.. as even cancer is curable these days . on the other hand if something u think isn't under your control try to slow down ... apply ur creams whenever ur positive to do so. dunt push urself too much .. one suggesting that i wud like to give u is stop using wipes dry as well wet. wash ur self with plain water and no soap.