Hi All,
I've been lurking on this forum since the beginning of the year, but I'm at my wits end and need some support. I've had anal fissures off and on for as long as I can remember. Usually nothing more than a tiny dot of blood on the tissue. Then, back in December I had a very large, hard BM that I had to force out. It ripped me a new one and a lot of blood came with it.
Since then, I've been battling this anal fissure that won't go away. When I do have pain during my BMs it's always tolerable. The amount of blood varies with how big my BM is. The irritation is what really gets me because it makes things like going to the gym unbearable (sweat does NOT play well with fissures). I might go a week or two with no symptoms. No pain or blood during a BM. Then I'll have a harder-than-normal BM and I'm back to square one.
What really gets me though is I have really bad health anxiety. I think even the smallest symptoms are signs of terminal cancer. Seriously, this is no joke. So having this AF has made my health anxiety skyrocket, especially when I read that anal cancer can mimick an anal fissure. Whenever I have a BM with blood, I'm literally on the verge of tears. I'm taking my anti-anxiety meds like crazy because it's the only thing that will calm me down.
I feel like I have a few good things going for me:
- Normal stools that are a healthy size and color. No tarry black stools or anything.
- No abdominal pain.
- No nausea or anything, unless I eat something that doesn't agree with my stomach. Lol.
- Very regular. Having a BM on the average of once per day.
- I'm still fairly young. In my late 30s.
The one thing that concerns is me is that I've lost weight since December. I have changed my diet to include more fiber and more water, and I cut out junk food. But again, my health anxiety is telling me that my weight loss is because of cancer, not my dietary changes or crippling anxiety (which can also lead to weight loss). I've loss less than 10lbs.
Anyway, this AF is really affecting my quality of life. I've been more depressed lately. My anxiety is through the roof. The AF is just making everything worse.
Thanks for letting me vent. I did see my family doc back in March, but he didn't do an exam and just gave me a referral to a specialist, who I see this week. That appointment can't come soon enough. I wouldn't be surprised if I break down crying in his office because this has taken such an emotional toll on me.
Thanks again!