Hi everyone,

I just wanted to thank you to the folks that created this forum.
It's a lifeline for many of us suffering with this seemingly hopeless ailment.

I've been suffering for 18 months but it has gotten extreme the last month. I can't move from bed most of the day. Creams, diet changes didn't work. I did a botox 2 weeks ago.. It was helpful for 1 day and then back to the struggle. Today I felt a hard lump and I think it's an abscess.

Suicidal thoughts fill my mind and I can't sleep. I go to the hospital in 2 days so that the doctors can look again at the botox results (or lack thereof). I'm so terrified.

As a performing artist I've cancelled shows, not shown up to my PhD position all year, and doing this while living in a foreign country where my emotional support is limited.

I just wanted to say how much I appreciate the existence of this forum. My days are dark right now.. But I hope to see light soon.

One love to all.

I'm sorry you are in pain and suffering. I hope the doctor will be able to treat you with something more effective than Botox. From what I know, they may have to wait for it wear off before doing something more invasive. Please ask for pain medication so you can manage the emotional side of things. Suicidal thoughts are the result of hopelessness, but your fissure can and will be healed eventually. There's a lot of reason to be hopeful that you'll be pain free in the future. Take care.

Thank you for your encouraging words.

The doctor said the fissure is getting smaller. And that hope gave me great strength and a feeling of progress for 2 days

Then I was unexpectedly dumped by my gf.. And that sent me down again. Its amazing how emotional stress triggers poor healing.

There is blood... More than I have ever seen. But less pain when passing the stool. It's weird

I will hang in there with the faith that things will get better. Emotionally and physically

Thanks again

Keep the faith Bloops, this is our greatest ally.

I can empathize with your situation. Emotional stress absolutely causes all kinds of physical ailments, including anal fissures. I got two anal fissures a few months ago when I was feeling tremendous stress in my life. And shortly after that my gf suddenly and unexpectedly broke up with me, which flung me into a deep depression, which I am sure has made healing the fissures much more difficult. Feel free to pm me if you'd like to.

Yeah trillo. Stress is a huge factor.

I hope things are Progressing with you. I've had a long day away from home today and haven't gone to the bathroom. Praying that tomorrow isn't gonna be epic pain

All the best