YOU WILL HEAL

5y AF free after 1y of horror

Please help others by posting your success story here. Tell us what worked for you, before you move on with your fissure-free life!!

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YOU WILL HEAL

Postby welpat » 05 Dec 2019, 18:57

Hi folks

This post is long overdue. Originally I delayed posting as I didn't want to tempt fate, and after having the blessing of being able to completely forget that I ever went through this ordeal, I recently remembered just how fortunate I was and to share this with you all to give you hope as YOU WILL HEAL.

I suffered for around a year, and extremely so for more than half of that time with 6+ hrs per day in extreme agony unable to do anything. I was indescribably depressed, came close to suicide and was convinced that I would never be able to recover. However, I have been fully healed for over 5y now without any suggestion of AF returning, thanks God.

I'm including at the end of the post copies of my side of email correspondence with my brother who went through hell with AF a little after me (please forgive the arrogant, jackass tone of my emails as I've changed since then). For the sake of brevity, I'll present a synopsis of what worked for me, but let it be said that I tried anything and everything, some helped a little, some not, and as a result of the all of the good people who have suffered through this horrible condition and posted their experiences, I developed a management strategy.

Besides the mechanical aspects, I noticed that there was an extremely high correlation to stress and emotional state, but as at least one other post suggests (I haven't read other recent posts) the actual healing was what can I describe as an almost divine experience. At the point that I fully accepted the pain that I was in and believed that it would be a lifelong condition, I thought of all those in the world who suffered far greater affliction and their suffering and I prayed for them and thanked God for the relative mercy that I was not experiencing their suffering. (I wasn't practicing religion or professing any particular faith at the time so this was an exceptional event for me). The next day I felt good and I don't recall exactly, but I'm pretty sure that after a couple of days I realized that I was healed and with confidence after a couple of weeks.

In the last couple of years then I have come to recognize the truth that is in Christ Jesus, that there is a supernatural aspect to our existence and that God will use our afflictions and trials in life in order for us to turn to Him. For me, then I believe He was showing me that He is there and that He was trying to get me to turn to Him and away from my self-centredness. That's not to suggest AF is a function of that, but rather, that He was there for me waiting.

In recent times I have read testimonies of people who have received incredible healing in similar ways, including one (Christian) lady who suffered from lifelong migraines and one time she decided to fight it, that nothing of God would be causing her so much pain and distress, and reading scripture and she had a truly profound experience reading Romans 8:38-39 and recognized that nothing would ever separate from the love of God - her migraine disappeared and she has never suffered since!

God is there and will be there for you when you turn to Him, whether it's due to the AF or not, and will not stop looking for you. Matthew 18: 12-14.


MANAGEMENT STRATEGY THAT WORKED FOR ME
In terms of what worked for me in managing AF and creating the best environment possible for healing, I can reiterate most of what's been said before:

1. Good diet/ lots of water - I'm a huge advocate of oatmeal (AF or not) and I ate plenty of fruit, veg, prunes, soups. Fibre supplement.

2. Regulation of bowel movement - due to the severity of the pain, I had to regulate BM to bedtime so that I could load up on painkillers (before BM so that kicks in for after) and then try and sleep through the worst. This allowed me to actually do something during the day rather than lose it all in torture.

3. Fasting - on occasion, the pain from BM was so insane and I felt that I was being ripped open deeper, I would fast to try and help healing to gain some traction. I believe this did help.

4. Bowel movement - insert finger into anus to lube with olive oil and keep wound sealed/ ease passage. GET YOUR FEET ON SEAT AND SQUAT - this is the natural position for a human being and everything passes quickly and easily.

5. Sitz baths - immediately after BM and preferably at least twice per day to keep blood flow stimulated and alleviation of discomfort. I used a non-scented soap to cleanse.

6. Cycling painkillers - staggered 6hr cycles of paracetamol/ acetaminophen, and ibuprofen i.e. take paracetamol and then 3hrs later take ibuprofen, 3hrs later paracetamol and so on, to keep as dosed up as possible and reduce risk of stomach ulcer from ibuprofen (never take on empty stomach)

7. Nitroglycerine gel - I found this caused problems with regular use, also bad side effects with headaches and dizziness, but was useful to have around for intermittent use when I had severe cramps as it did bring immediate relief

8. Aloe vera (pure) - I think that it helped and it didn't cause any problems unlike most other things I tried which were either no help, or became a problem too.

9. Getting in/ out of car - I found this to be deepening tear due to the swivel action. My solution was to raise my weight with my hands before swiveling.

10. Mental attitude/ emotional state - this is possibly even more important than all of the above as others have noted and I suggest the following:

a. accept the condition and develop a coping and management strategy. YOU WILL BEAT IT. The condition is a fact, don't get depressed, frustrated as this hampers the healing. Trust the experience that everyone else here is telling you that you will heal, it just won't seem like it at the time, and find the right way to manage it and minimize the impact on your life.

b. turn negatives into positives where possible e.g. the advisable diet change to beat this is the perfect opportunity to make that lifestyle change for health anyway (watch 'what the health' which is a compelling documentary re the health benefits of vegan diet)e.g. not being able to pursue the sports you usually do gives you time to spend on alternative pursuits which are neglected, relationships, family, reading, studying etc

c. work on emotional balance - stress, anger, anxiety etc all were major aggravators if not causes of my AF and it is a great reason to finally get counseling for emotional trauma, take anger management classes, CBT, relationship counseling, eliminate stressors, improve balance in your life etc whatever factors are causing your emotional state to be unbalanced and negative

d. learn to relax - life is now. Past is past, future is future. Let go. Start to find peace inside yourself and start to seek God.

e. do things to take your mind off yourself and onto others, whatever that means in your life or where you are - everyone has their own struggles, sufferings and many feel alone. If I'm honest, the worst suffering of all is loneliness, so please notice others and their struggles.


CYCLING
I suspect that this may be a condition that affects a lot of cyclists. I was a very keen cyclist at the time so this was a major issue for me and my conclusions were that:

a. mounting/ dismounting is an issue, at least with a 700c frame with horizontal top tube, so lower bike as necessary or use a different style frame/ bike

b. lower saddle a bit definitely helps

c. side to side motion kills so avoid riding when you are unable to maintain good form i.e. when legs over-tired

d. DO NOT STRAIN SEATED - if you ride geared, lower gears and/ or get out of saddle

e. I did not reach a conclusion re staying off bike, I tried staying off for couple months to no avail, and being cautious as above didn't seem to make anything worse

I hope this helps. I know its nothing new, but its fair to say that the advice on this forum is excellent and please trust that if you follow it, you will heal. It will seem like you are getting nowhere, but that is a lie and the more you let that affect your emotions and mental attitude, the slower the healing becomes. The battle is psychological/ emotional and self-discipline. Once you crack that, YOU WILL HEAL!

Thank you to everyone that posted advice that helped me, may God bless you all and bless everyone suffering AF with healing.





EMAILS WITH BRO
>>Unbelievable ... synchronised anal torture! Yeah, mine went on for months and was close to topping myself at one point. I think I found a healing strategy anyway that touch wood has worked ... that was after a lot of experimentation with everything from creams to honey. The cats saliva was next. Not sure what causes it. I think stress is a major contributor but mechanically, mounting/dismounting definitely, saddle too high possibly and I think getting in and out of car. I wish I'd known..the day I didn't get up to you until the afternoon was because I'd been curled on the floor for hours practically in tears and swallowing umpteen painkillers until I could take enough off an edge to get in the car and only be in extreme pain!

Horrific ailment. Stressing everytime I go for a Douglas still in case I get a monster ripper!

>>
you need to get a plastic wash basin or something, fill with warm water and soak, morning and evening ... after turd is good as it relieves (temporarily!) ... its meant to be pretty critical as it relaxes everything and stimulates blood flow .. seems pointless and like you're not getting anywhere but healing takes time as there's fck all blood supply down there .. not stressing/ getting depressed very important as i think the internal tension basically restricts bloodflow further ... i know how you're feeling .. at one stage i was curled up screaming in pain for 6hrs a day, day in day out for weeks and in agony for months, was thinking i'd have to top myself it was that bad ... it was when i stopped getting frustrated/ depressed and just figured i'd learn to live with it that in combination with doing stuff to make it as comfortable as possible that it healed ... it will heal, just keep creating the right conditions, do the right things consistently and be patient ..

>>
if i remember correctly, i went through same thing where you think its ok then suddenly gets really bad then ok .. i think that means the healing is advancing so hang in .. even some mths after i could feel distinct twinges, inflammation start so think its fragile for a long time ... be sensible, dont force anything, taking it easy for a bit is better than spending eternity in frustration and despair with only agony as a companion! yeah, the crutch is comforting to have around, m\ybe you could get him to send you some?

>>
don't worry, you'll get there, just don't benchmark against what you want to do and let nature take its course, its just patience and accepting it. I stayed off the bike for months after having tried to 'ride through it' before without success .. however, i wasn't sure how much help it was .. what did seem to make a difference was lowering the saddle as that stopped it stretching and also made side to side motion when legs tire less likely, think that's a killer ... basically, would avoid strenuous effort seated at all costs until it seems to have been healed for a month at least
>>are you doing the warm baths? the healing basically needs that whole area to be really relaxed and for blood to be able to get there and circulate so they're quite important...it goes on forever but my guess is that its a case of 7 steps forward 6 steps back all the time .. make sure you keep eating a good diet and drinking water .. even now, if i eat shit for a few days and don't pay attention, i can feel severe risk of starting again which is enough to stop me doing anything stupid

>>
Aargh fck. You need to focus on healing. Make sure to drink lots of water, eat plenty of fibre and avoid bulky crap foods like the plague! I went pretty heavily toward porridge, prunes, some fruit, veg, soup and well chewed up bread although bread not necessarily recommended. Regular dump time is essential to manage it and minimise the aggravation. Best I did was go from AM to night time so I could take painkillers and sleep through it but its pretty uncomfortable carrying turds all day! It's not recommended but it seemed to me that I couldn't get healing traction so I basically fasted a day so that I could skip dumping for a day and I think that gave it a little extra strength. I tried every fcking old wives tale on the web as I was in agony for months, literally from sticking coconut oil in my arse to fcking manuka honey! I'm sure there are wind up merchants posting on the web and I'd have tried broken glass if someone swore by it.

>> What definitely helps are following.

'Sitz' baths. Just sit in warm water after you dump (and wash with fragrant free soap to keep wound clean). The main problem is tension which causes tearing and prevents circulation to heal. Those baths help relax and definitely alleviate post dump agony until you get out. If you can go after dump and at least one more time it should help.

Before dumping, get olive on your finger and lube up! This I believe made a huge difference in protecting the wound and getting the dump out easy.

Dumping, get your feet on the seat and squat like a nomad! Seriously, it is the natural position for a human and it was queen Victoria I think, maybe Elizabeth, who has caused all manner of internal ailments by introducing the sit down turd. I believe the squatting with the olive oil was what tipped the balance fr going nowhere to being able to heal.

Aloe Vera. Pure. If you have a plant, use it. If you don't, get a tube from Holland and Barrett. It has remarkable healing properties and I believe accelerated healing.

I would take nurofen(with food in stomach) before dumping so that the painkiller kicked in afterward.

Everything else didn't work and ended up making matters worse.

You can get nitroglycerine gel on prescription. It is useful to have around. The doctors recommend it but it has head throbbing side effect potentially and I didn't find it worked and ended up becoming an irritant. However, when I did the above and used it only when I got severe cramps, the effect of almost immediate relaxation was very evident and brought a lot of relief. So I would say worth having if severe but more of a relief agent than cure.

The main I thing I found on top was mental attitude. I was depressed for months about it in agony and then accepted it and thought how much worse off some people are and what they endure. Then figured I'd just have to cope with it. Creating that envt allowed healing. Oh, I noticed that there was a massive psychological trigger - when I got stressed/ angry the internal tension was what started making the pain. Whether it was the cause or not I don't know but it definitely prevents healing. You need to be able to keep relaxed and focus on healing.

Also, be aware of anything that may be causing problems. I found that the way I was getting in and out of car (swivelling on arse with full weight on it) was ripping it. Now I always use my hands to take my weight off my arse. Cycling then definitely rocking hips while on saddle. I'm not sure that cycling makes it worse. If you keep riding then try saddle down a bit, avoid over exertion and get out of saddle rather than strain.

I'd actually given up after almost a year and then healed, or as much as was needed, within a couple of weeks. Take it easy on yourself, focus on healing and you'll be fine. Don't let frustration derail you.
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Re: YOU WILL HEAL

Postby North West Jen » 15 Jan 2020, 23:43

Wow! So much great information. Thank you very much!
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Re: YOU WILL HEAL

Postby jeriwray » 05 Mar 2020, 11:20

Thank you so much for all you shared. THis message has already made a huge difference in my situation in the past 24 hours.
I AM a Christian for many years and should have known that praying for others would be a huge key in recovery. BUt I'll make an excuse for myself and say that I was in so much agony for so many weeks (no one can really understand this except another AF person) that I was just deeply depressed and felt like my life was pretty much over. I lost touch with reality in a very real sense.

Just thank you...again and again and again.
Jw
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