In March of 2020 when COVID-19 first started I went from working a very active job 6 days a week to sitting at home under quarantine restrictions. Suddenly being sedentary coupled with nervous eating of junk foods equals fissure. One morning I looked down and saw blood. After a quick google I thought it must be hemorrhoids. I didn’t want to risk seeing a doctor because I was afraid of catching COVID so I waited. And let’s face it, I was also embarrassed to show anyone my butt.
Fast forward 6 months and I had “healed” myself with better toilet habits, avoiding sitting for long periods of time, exercising, and upping my fiber and water game only to suffer through a flair every few weeks. It got to be so painful, it was unbearable. I finally decided to see a gastroenterologist, who said that I had small hemorrhoids, nothing to worry about. I told him about the pain and he kind of shrugged.
So I tried all the hemorrhoid cures- Prep H, witch hazel wipes, hydrocortisone, Recticare cream and lidocaine wipes, sitz baths, sitting with a donut pillow (don’t do that), squatty potty, you name it. No dice. I became obsessive about what I ate. If it didn’t contain soluble fiber, I wasn’t eating it. I cut out bread, desserts, dairy, all meat except chicken and sometimes shrimp. I also have acid reflux, so eating became so tiresome. I lost over 100 pounds due to fear of pain. I still struggle with eating enough right now.
After a particularly painful episode, I decided to see a different gastro. This one only had phone appointments available so I booked it. I cried to this woman over the phone. I told her I couldn’t go on with this hemorrhoid, that someone needed to band it or cut it out, anything. She said, “Honey, from talking to you I almost guarantee you you have a fissure.” And she was right. Everything that I had been putting on it had been useless FOR TWO AND A HALF YEARS.
She recommended Botox, saying it worked for 3 out of 4 people. I liked those odds and she sent me over to a CRS to get it done in August 2022. It worked for a time. The first few weeks after getting Botox, I wouldn’t believe that the pain was gone. I felt a large lump under there that I’d never felt before but it went down. I’m guessing that’s what a hemorrhoid really feels like. I also developed the “tag” that lots of people talk about, and it blocks about half of the exit and is really painful sometimes.
As time went on, the Botox wore off and the pain returned. By November, I was in agony again. I had started taking Miralax (1 dose) in August and it really worked to soften things up but I went from going once or twice a day to four times a day and one always had that “hard tip.” Going four times a day irritated the area also. When I brought this up with doctors, they were always said that four times wasn’t a problem and that maybe I should take more Miralax to soften things. I wasn’t, and am still not, comfortable with that. I’ve started to have leg and arm cramps, and I think it might be from the Miralax messing with my electrolytes. I took magnesium by itself and mineral drops once and the cramps got way worse.
I moved to a new area and found a new gastro. They referred me to a surgeon who agreed to perform LIS.
Let me say, I never would have agreed to LIS if it wasn’t for this website. I love the positivity and the strength found here. Some LIS stories took me from “I’m NEVER doing that” to “maybe I could do that” in a few weeks, particularly the story of Rich44. That 95% success rate was pretty enticing as well.
So today was my LIS day. I went through the emotional roller coaster of surgery. No water, getting up at the crack of dawn, being terrified to be in a medical facility, being scared that the anesthesia plus painkillers was going to constipate me, etc. They put me under. I wake up and they tell me that THEY DIDN’T DO THE LIS PROCEDURE BECAUSE THE FISSURE IS HEALED. I tried to explain to them the pain I’m experiencing. That even if it’s healed I’m forever one bowel movement away from agony. That I’ve been told its healed before. Yes, I had a good butt week this week but it doesn’t mean that next week will be. I want to eat normal foods. I want my life back. They said it must be a hemorrhoid. I lose my actual MIND at this point, so much so that they pull my surgeon out of another surgery to talk to me down from my panic attack. He says he’ll schedule me another office visit so we can talk about it. And I’m just siting there thinking about how much money I’m about to spend to pay for this procedure that amounted to nothing and how this is my life now.
Sorry for the novel, but I feel like if anyone is going to understand its the people here. I’m just in disbelief and I have no idea where to go from here.