Hi All,
New to the forum, and I'm so glad to have found so many people willing to discuss such a common *but never talked about* problem.
Fortunately, I have only had a few short episodes of AF over the years which heal fairly quickly and well.... however I do wonder if there is anyone out there who can give me advice with regard to one personal issue.
To be blunt: how, or if its even possible to ever engage in anal sex after having a history of AF. It might seem like a fairly reasonable "lifestyle change" to just... never have it. But its seriously putting a strain on (my very supportive partner and) my sex life.
Anyone have thoughts? prior experience? am I crazy?

**mature content. be advised.**
hi there.
i don't think you are crazy chrisgo77.
however, a lot of this depends on how much you want to be healthy and pain free.
because there is a tear in the anal area, i would highly, highly recommend the use of condoms and lots of lubrication.
mainly because of the tear, there is a higher risk of reception of STDs and HIV, including HPV as well. if you find yourself bleeding too - even microscopically, you can transmit such disease(s) to your partner, if you should unknowingly also be carrying any one of them.
i won't even get started with the possibilities of anal cancer, prostate cancer, testicular cancer, etc. it's enough to depress you and scare you.
**
there may be some positions where there is less pain towards the anal region as well as how your partner aims to enter.
it will be very important to use communication when engaging in anal sex, especially for the receptive partner who has the AF, because you don't want to cause any more irritation and harm to the area if pain is felt.
you can use an anal number, such as anal ease, or using poppers in foreplay can also help inhibit some, if not all of the pain. the only problem with these is that you will end up possibly causing a bigger tear and once the effects of such numbing agents or poppers wear off, you'll be worse off.
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i don't know how long you have been in your relationship but whether it be a young relationship or a longer term one, i would certainly hope that no one would be put under strain under such conditions, especially if it is only you who is putting pressure on yourself for the lack of putting out!
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if you are or ever have been engaging in anal sex, please owe it to yourself to:
1. get an anal pap smear
2. digit rectal exam
3. examination for HPV
4. possibly discuss the benefits of getting the HPV vaccine
5. take an HIV test
6. always wear condoms (not natural skin) and use water-based lubricants; avoid items with nonoxynol-9
7. talk to your partner about what else turns both of you on and discuss the possibility of having to reduce or eliminate the act of anal sex
8. if you want to see if your partner could possibly help, then it may be a great idea for you to invite the possibility of using foreplay with your partner's well lubed fingers to help dilate you. if you are comfortable taking in the pinky finger, perhaps work on a bigger finger and then maybe work up to two - i don't know if you want to do three....but after that, you can definitely bring in anal sex toys to the mix.
**
we really don't talk enough to kids and even other adults about the ramifications of sex. it's not just about HIV or STDs. it's about total health and approaches to stand up for yourself and protect yourself - whether in a 1 night stand or in a long term relationship.
you always come first.
not just in the bed, but in every facet of your life.