Well- I had my follow-up appointment with my CRS yesterday. I was really scared. Scared he would want to do surgery and scared he wouldn't want to. I know for a lot of you that actually makes sense.
So he examined me briefly and painlessly, which I so appreciate! He thinks things look better (more blood flow to area and better color). I told him before he looked that things had been much better, but that I'd like to say everything was "normal" when it isn't. The skin tag has still bothered me, I wanted to ask him about the possible hemmoroid that now itches and burns post BMs at times (new to me) and to convey that I am so tired and sick of this whole thing. I feel like people that know me must think I've been through something- I can tell how tired out I look to myself. I have still been using primariy Miraax now and having BMs 3-6 times a day. Washing off after each, soaking 2-3 times a day and conveyed to him that this was interfering with my life too much. After he looked, he felt the hemoroid there was something "God gave me" and was "inconsequential", and that the skin tag was "microscopic" (it doesn't feel or look that way to me!). He said he woulddn't recommend the LIS right now because he thinks things are close to getting better and he is hesitant to pull that out unless we really need it. So he wants me to have round 2 of Botox. He was very regretful that he can't just do the botox in the office (due to insurance reasons) or he would have just gone ahead. So now I have an appointment on Jan 4th since he is out of the office 3 days next week and they are full. He also said I still need to find that magic thing that results in 1-2 soft, formed poops a day without the frequency. So last night I went back to using Colace as he thinks it has less of a stimulant effect. Unfortunately, it also has less of a softening effect. I took 2 last night and will see how the day unfolds. He also said he wouldn't worry about washing off each time and to just go back to using baby wipes and not worrying about soaking. He recommended that I go back to using Nifedipine 2-3 times a day and recommended an ointment called Calmoseptine. I thought about Happy Ass because it has menthol as an ingredient, along with 20% zinc and some calamine. It actually is soothing and I used some last night and this morning.
I will post a separate, silly question.
Bambi

i love my vicks vapor rub bambi.

i hope you are doing well today and are getting ready to have a beautiful christmas day and week ahead.
i've been thinking about you a lot since yesterday.

Hi Happy Ass and Merry Christmas! I am up early in an attempt to get a handle on the day. Sometimes things get away from me lately! Too many interuptions.
Well the Colace just is great at producing only 2 bowel movements yesterday, which was a relief. However, the first one of the day had that hard beginning. I thought I made it through that unscathed, but then after breakfast had a very loose poop and then wiped and it was bright red blood. That just throws me off for the whole day every time it happens. My way of dealing with it yesterday was to cook like a maniac! Our daughter and husband have only been married two years, so this was the first time we didn't have her on Christmas Eve. They are coming tonight and it has been a relief to have that extra time. We went to a beautiful service last night and the minister spoke on "do not be afraid" and I felt he was speaking directly to me. Things were better this morning, but I felt I needed to get up and get going. I've filled the stockings, sent a recipe to an old friend, soaked in the bathtub and am now on to making a pumpkin pie. Merry Christmas to all those of you here who celebrate the day.

Bambi,
Getting on an A/D helped me to get my fissure into perpective and helped my anxiety a lot. Just a suggestion (Lexapro).

Thanks for the suggestion. I am already on a very low dose of Zoloft and have been for a while. I was originally on it to help with fibromyalgia and then went off of it for a while because I was tired of taking several things. Over a few months, I became very fixated in my thinking and depressed at a time when I should have been happy . So I went back on it. I only take 25 mg, but if they up it to 50, I get very anxious. I take Dupeek, which is a folic acid supplement which can enhance the AD effectiveness and that has been the case with me. At least until this all happened!