Sadgirl, I feel for you...
You've found the right place for support...everyone here knows these problems aren't funny, they are among the worst problems a person can experience!! I sometimes wonder if people laugh it off partly because they're so terrified of developing butt problems themselves!
Don't stop the Miralax! Have you ever tried any of the fiber supplements, like Metamucil, Citrucel, etc? That's assuming you're in the US...What is your diet like? Drinking enough water? Fresh fruit is fine for me but some people suggest cooking everything, like even your apples.
Well, good luck with the GP. Just DO NOT let him send you home with steroid creams or anything for hemorrhoids UNLESS you absolutely have hemorrhoids...if it's fissures then you need very specific ointments (nitroglycerin, nifedipene, or diltiazem). Most regular doctors don't know this, and the ointments are a little hard to get since you have to use a compounding pharmacy.
Have you tried looking down there with a mirror? With careful inspection, I could see my tear, although it was tiny at first--like a little papercut. If you CAN find a tear, don't let the doctor tell you it's just hemorrhoids and send you on your way. You have to get the right creams for a fissure, right away before it becomes chronic. Most of us here are battling chronic fissures. Maybe if I had had the right cream, right away, I wouldn't be where I am now, awaiting surgery.
Sorry about your vacation, but it might be best to use the time to rest anyway...I know how depressing these problems can be, but I also know that light exists at the end of the tunnel. There are many former board members here who've healed up and moved on, and you can too!!!
Best wishes!!!

Hey sadgirl..

You're in the best place for help and advice, we're all here to help so feel free to ask, and the best thing is, we have all been there and some of us still are, we understand your pain, you'll never be alone when you're here..
Best wishes

Thanks for the support guys It makes me feel less alone and scared, lol.
Just got back from the doc....she said it was either internal-hemms or a fissure, and since each one required a different treatment, she tried to examine me first before coming to a conclusion. Except I totally freaked out and jumped off the table as she tried to get a finger inside.
So now she referred to me a CRS :( She couldn't get an examination out of me, so she said they were better equipped to deal with someone like me.
I said yes when she asked if it pained, but now that I think about it, I mentally freaked out more than the actual physical discomfort, lol. I automatically clenched, and I think the same thing happens when I try to use the bathroom. Is there any medication for erasing mental trauma?
Alpinestrawberry, I currently take Miralax only (and full dosage only starting yesterday at that, was taking 1/2 dose few days before). I take one or two soluble fiber tablets like fiber choice, since I feel that will be kinder than psyllium. I'm not taking anything else other than that. I prefer natural healing, so I try weird things like drinking a little coconut oil as a laxative (it's GREAT applied topically....helped things from worsening I think).
I've been drinking 6-8 glasses of liquids, and whatever I've been eating is fissure friendly (veggie soups, appleauce, melons, beans with a little rice, etc). If anything, my only problem is not eating enough due to lack of appetite. For example, my diet looks like this the last few days:
Sunday - 1 cup melon, roasted veggie wrap, cooked broccoli with almond butter
Monday - Cup of oatmeal, cup of boiled veggies w/ olive oil, granola bar
Today - 1 c veggie soup, 2 c coconut water, few tbsps honey (will try to eat more)
That's about it as far as my treatment plan goes. I apply coconut oil, and manuka honey once in a while topically, but i can't see much from the outside. I can't get a finger in though (always feared it, even pre-fissure), so I put a lot hoping a little goes in I've tried examining but can't tell anything...I'm pretty clueless when it comes to my own body.
The only thing I'll be updating for my treatment is sits baths (I used to use running water from handheld shower, so maybe this is better), and taking colace in addition to miralax (per doctor's sugestions). Is it okay to mix colace and miralax?
It really helps writing down my plan this way....makes me see where I need to improve. Thanks guys I was crying earlier today but now I feel a bit more optimistic reading everything on these boards.

Hi Sadgirl.... it is awful to have this problem, and it's scary and no fun. But... the good news is that you are here, and it sounds like you are doing all the right things that can help you to heal! Taking miralax, eating fissure friendly foods, taking a fiber supplement, resting after the BM.... Now, to add the sits baths - another essential healing tool. And don't strain on the toilet, no matter what! I think then you have a good chance of healing and not having a chronic fissure, and then you can go on your vacation later!!
Oh, and I've read that many good CRS and GPs will be able to diagnose a fissure just by a description of the symptoms, and maybe a non-intrusive peek down there (no need for finger or anoscope, which are too painful with a fissure) - so if you think it will hurt, it's possible for you to say so and try to avoid the intrusive examination.
Good luck in your healing!

It's so good that you got a referral to a CRS! That type of doctor has lots more experience than a GP with these problems and they'll be able to prescribe the right cream.
If they really need to examine you, they should be able to numb you up with lidocaine first, or even sedate you for the exam.
It's great that your GP knew enough not to throw some cortisone cream at you on your way out the door! I know these problems are awful, but you're on the right path to getting it fixed and I'm happy for you! You really do have a good shot at getting this fixed before it becomes chronic!

Grrrr, so I thought I was doing better after starting Miralax. Things were fine until yesterday (soft stools, no pain, etc) so i actually thought I might be healing.
Yesterday I went out all night, ate crap, and missed my miralax dose (didn't get home till 8am, and immediately hit the sack and slept through the whole day). So I feel that kinda messed up my normal bowel schedule which is to go first thing in the morning.
And now today evening I'm constipated again. I could feel myself straining, so I got off the toilet and decided to come back when I felt the urge again. I also took a full Miralax dose immediately.
Several hrs later, I go again, and this time it's the "overflow diarrhea around the constipation" situation. A little bit of the hard stool also loosened up, but had to strain a bit to pass that.
Which resulted in....lots of BLOOD, enough to cover my fingers. However, there wasn't pain. I have almost no pain any more, just a momentary soreness while straining.
I guess my question is, did I do a boo boo and just make it chronic?? I'm starting to freak out again (lol) since I'll be starting my 4th week of this fissure fiasco.
I guess I should see a CRS. I didn't follow through on my referral since I felt totally back to normal after Miralax, plus I was worried that examination might make the fissure worse. *Cry*. Why is this so complicated?

Well, at least it sounds like you had a great night! :D
I haven't had one like that since college, and quite frankly I could use one.
The setback sucks of course, but it's a reminder that fissures cannot be taken lightly. They take weeks and weeks to heal, and once they are healed it's going to be 1 or 2 years before your skin regains the strength it had pre-fissure.
I hope you can get your CRS appointment back...I'd hate to see you struggle longer than you have to with this!

Sadgirl- I'm so sorry you are having problems and that your respite didn't last. When my fissure resurfaced last year, I happened to be seeing my GP for my annual physical. Don't feel bad about jumping off the table- I barely let him touch me, but I swear it was worse after he tried to examine me. I put off getting a colonoscopy for several months (which was his kind way of attempting to have someone get a better look without my being awake) and then that actually didn't cause things to get worse. I actually started to get better and put off seeing a surgeon only to have it come back while I was on vacation a month or so later. I do have to say that my CRS has never examined me in an intrusive manner. I keep thinking he will, even last week at my post LIS appointment. And I am very grateful. My regular Dr. was very understanding and said not to feel bad about jumping as everyone knows this is one of the most painful things to deal with. Don't put it off too long- I think it is better just to get things going with the CRS if it has not healed.
Bambi