Hey fellow AF-ers. I haven't been on here in quite awhile...partly because I know that as soon as I proclaim to the world that I'm doing great, a retear will strike from out of nowhere!
Anyway, I think I'm doing alright. I had an episode a few weeks ago where it kind of felt like I tore, anyway I felt a bit sore for a day or two after this one BM, but there wasn't any bleeding at all, which has never been the case for me in the past. I mean there's always, always been bleeding no matter how small the tear. So I think the overall trend is that I seem to be getting better, and I hope that continues. The last time I definitely had a tear was over two months ago now, and I haven't even been taking any Miralax lately.
I don't think I'll ever have any fun pooping again, though...I still feel nervous about BMs and wonder if I always will. Then I get nervous about being nervous, just worrying that my anxiety will make me tense those muscles and cause myself another tear. I'm sure there's plenty of you on here that can relate.
My main issue now is just occasional irritation. I wish there was some sort of miracle cream that would take care of that but I think we're all different when it comes to finding what works. I've tried a few, including wheatgrass cream, A&D, and the diaper rash ointment my CRS office recommends. I wonder about Calmoseptine. But the makers could have packaged that stuff a little better!!! It's a huge tube and it's got the word ANAL all over it...no points for subtlety there. I'd like something a little more innocent looking for my bathroom shelf.
Anyway, here's hoping I continue to get better and better...and I hope the same for everyone who's suffering now, like I was.