Since Monday, my days have been filled with tears and disappointment. Today is no better. I'm defeated and wallowing in self pity. I have no one to lean on at this point, even the boards are starting to wane with me. I feel like a looser in life. I'm too afraid to use this Rectiv because thus far, failure has engulfed my life and this will only seal the last hope and I'm terrified of that. I don't know why or how this all happened this year. One day, I'm toasting and partying and ringing in the near year, the next I'm a beaten human being who can't stop crying from the pain. I keep asking myself, God why me? I would rather go through anything than have to suffer through this day in and day out until...?????? My health is bad because my immune system is shot to hell, I feel faint all the time, I feel week. My blood pressure has dropped to the point where I had to stop taking my meds. God only knows how bad the ibruprofen has damaged my insides and the stomach. I drink water to the point of nausia. I go to sleep in tears, I wake up in tears....this thing is ruining my life and in less that 2 days, its back to work and the stress that carries. I hoped this vacation would somehow bring down the stress, and yet its only intensified it.
One lowsy doctors visit and now I'm torn apart. I wish this guy knew how vulnereble and needy I was that day and how much ease he could have given me, had he only cared just a little bit to listen to me, just 5 minutes was all I needed, just 5.
I'm just venting...no need to respond.....just someone feeling hopeless and sorry for herself.
I would give my right arm, just to be happy again.