Sorry, this is going to be long. I had my first appointment with a surgeon this afternoon and it was horribly traumatic. I think most people would have found it stressful but to understand why this was a particularly bad experience for me, here’s some background information. I have some mental health issues, namely depression, anxiety, OCD and a borderline eating disorder. I believe most of these issues are the result of a trauma I experienced in my early teens when a doctor performed a DRE on me for suspected appendicitis without giving an explanation or gaining my consent.
I also have Asperger Syndrome and can find verbal communication extremely difficult. I tend to shut down in stressful situations and can then barely speak at all. I also find physical contact difficult.
So my appointment today… the doctor had absolutely NO bedside manner. He hardly even looked at me and just sat with his eyes glued to his computer screen while he barked questions at me. He didn’t really give me time to speak and I kept stumbling over my words because he was making me so nervous. At one point he said “it says here you don’t eat well—why not?” And his manner was so hostile! I could only answer with “I don’t know”.
I consented to an examination and he was just about to look when his phone rang and he went to answer it, with no apology to me, while I was just laying there! I felt so undignified! Then he examined me and was really rough and prodded the fissures quite hard, asking, “does it hurt there?” to which I thought, Well duh! Of course it’s gonna hurt if you’re pulling and poking so hard! :roll:
And then, and this is the worst part for me, he finished his exam and just stood over me while I was still laying on the couch and carried on with the consultation, as if I wasn’t just laying there with my backside out! I mean, honestly, surely one of the first things they’re taught in medical school is to let the patient get dressed in private after an exam before you continue talking with them! Surely that’s just common sense—people don’t want to talk when they’re feeling that vulnerable and uncomfortable.
So he said they can do botox injections but I declined because I didn’t feel able to talk through my concerns about getting injections due to how distressed I had become. It was easier just to say “no”, even though I’m not sure what I want. Plus, I’m not letting this guy anywhere near me again!
Instead he has prescribed me Diltiazem ointment and I’m supposed to go back there in 8 weeks for a check-up. If it’s with him, I won’t be going. I can’t believe this has happened. I feel re-traumatised and I don’t know what to do!