Rw
This is a really great topic to post because I can't underestimate how important it is not to strain or make any little pushes at all! This is what has set me back time after time and at first, I wasn't even really aware it was an issue since I was never straining to the point of grunting & turning red in the face!!
I must have lived for years in this push-cycle of pooping with no inclination of what it was doing to my bottom and I do believe what I went through, fissure, hems and all has been an accumulation of years of excessive strain + other factors.
I only learned that you don't need to push to poop a few months ago and once you are eating the right things and producing soft but solid regular stools, there is no need. I also learned that in order to do this you do need to be as relaxed as possible and deep breathing and just focusing on that stool passing down work wonders, also as others suggest, just applying a little pressure on your lower back or moving into a slightly different position & of course my faithful friend, the old jar of Vaseline.........I also realised that BMs don't always arrive at the times you expect them to too & for a long time, I was confusing "false" urges with real ones (some of this has not been helped by bouts of IBS, I experience now & again. As one of our admin, Jr2 advised me here, an oversensitive bowel can be very sensitive to the tiniest amount of fecal matter you have stored away, which in turn makes you feel you need to go, but infact, have very little at that time to expel).......This is trickier for me to deal with, but unless I have those very obvious symptoms of needing to go, I allow some of the more minor urges to pass these days because if I do try to go, these are my danger times of potentially straining to generally expel pretty much nothing and half the time, it's actually trapped wind anyway!
If I ever find myself in the position that I'm not pooping after a few minutes, that's it..... I'm off the toilet and generally, I'll then feel a proper urge to go again a short while later anyway. This has really helped me!!
I also can't underestimate the importance of regularly topping up your fluids! This makes such a difference and even if your stool is harder because you've been eating something more difficult to digest, it still helps that stool through! - I know my stools so well now, that it's the ones that really create a splash in the pan that remind me to soften up my diet a bit!!!.....I drink a large glass of water immediately after every meal I eat now and a large glass before you suspect a BM is also great, because in my case, I can feel the water in my stomach physically forcing everything down to come out the other end!
I truly hope this helps someone else, because it was learning these few golden rules above that has made all the difference in the world to my toilet habits!!