Hey all,
I hope i havent retorn my fissure, I am not getting a lot of pain or blood at all, its just a slight pain every once in awhile. What really scared me was a got a pretty bad spasm the other day. As i said earlier today, my BM's have been bigger and I think that is part of the problem. Lately I have been getting back on track, but in terms of the past couple of months, things have been on and off. I've been slacking at times, and then other times I have been really good. I realize that I have to be good ALL the time, and its really hard to do. Inconsistency is just as bad as not doing anything at all i guess. I wish I didn't have to do it at all to be honest.
I'm still frustrated that I have to have this condition at all. I can't seem to get past what I perceive to be as just an unfair situation. I have this "why me" idea in my head. I know I'm not the only one dealing with this (obviously) but I can't just get over it. Its frustrating! I realize that we all have our problems and I know that it could be worse...it could always be worse, but I am just discouraged.
I wish it would just go away
kate

hi kate,
your hair looks great!
well just hope for the best and that it is a little set back? is it really like your old fissure retore or do you think it is in a location that is nearby the old one?
i guess once we have a fissure, our lives will have always almost have changed forever.

I think its in the same place. Like i said, the pain in minimal. It certainly isn't as painful as it was before surgery. I'm just scared that I might've retorn it because that would be horrible. I tend to think of the worst possible situation and I get scared about it.
There isn't a lot of pain, or a lot of blood at all. I'm thinking i just need to be really nice to my butt from now on. Stop using toilet paper instead of using a wet wipe, stick to my diet, and drink more water.
Im just really scared :(
But....thanks for the hair compliment! i don't get that often.

yep, no more normal tp!!!!
always baby wipes (my fav are freshmates by charmin).
stick to the diet and drink more water......
have more veggies and fruits and fully-cooked whole grains.

Hey again kate,
Congrats on gradding soon, that's fab.. I'll be starting gradschool soon too, scared as hell. Youre brave for getting through it..
I think an easy way to get back on track is using the wipes instead of toilet paper, because its not like pushing your body to eat something you don't have time to eat... You just buy a pack and put it by the toilet and that way you'll be encouraged to use it consistently. If it's sitting there neways, you'll be more encouraged to use it.. That's one good way to get on track.. And my sister told me to buy a really nice Lululemon water bottle for like $30 lol because it'll inspire me to drink water... You can try that too :) (if they have it in the US)
It is really frustrating to have to live with this, but that's just what we have to get used to, just living with it, thats at least how ive become.. Just trying my best to make it go away and praying for good days.. Maybe you should keep using aloe vera or diltiazem even though you've had the surgery, it could help when times are rough.. Or just try taking a bath/chilling after or before exams, it'll help your fissure and your soul/mind :)
Take care!!

Sorry to hear you've been in pain again and just plain anxious as a result. Keeping up with the diet is by far the hardest part for me. I can take the supplements and use the wipes (although sometimes I think I should take more baths but it's just such a process). But the diet is so hard. I think I get enough fiber but then I add other crap to my diet b/c I tell myself you've gotten your 30 or so grams for the day now eat up anything else you want even if it doesn't have fiber. It's a tricky and unfair inner debacle hehe. Can I ask, what kind of stool softeners or fiber supplements are you taking? Also, this is for everyone..since my surgery I've found that I have to wipe more to really get the area clean. Could it be b/c the whole is bigger or the area is looser and more poo leaks out? Has anyone experienced this? I def use the wipes though and I carry them w/me everywhere I go. I freak if I go out of the house and haven't had a BM yet and I am w/o them. I wish I was an 'only at home pooper' but my life and work is too unpredictable so I always carry a bag full of supplies with my everywhere. Ppl are starting to make comments about how much shit I carry around, if they only knew! My thoughts are with you dude and I hope you feel better soon.

Thank you sun and lux. Everyone here has been very helpful, but its nice to hear from people who are around my age group as well. I am actually thinking about investing in a sitz bath, because I still live with my parents, and using so much hot water in the bathtub makes the bills go up i guess. Although, i love baths. They are great for mind body and soul!
I agree with the whole diet thing and I feel exactly the way you do!
"I got my 25 grams today! Now I can eat whatever I want!" For the most part for me...this is actually true, as long as I keep up with drinking a lot of water. I use just OTC stool softeners from CVS and they seem to work just fine. I only use them if I have missed a lot of fiber in a day. They seem to keep me on track somewhat if I have missed, but I don't take them regularly. As for fiber supplements, I use fiber sure. Its great! I mix it into tea and juice, hot chocolate, pasta sauce, oatmeal, soup, even my canned ravioli (chef boyardee! yum!) You never taste a thing!
I also eat the fiber one granola bars. Very tasty! 9 grams of fiber, easy to carry around. I was actually shocked to see other people in my classes at college eating them as well! So it made me less embarassed to break one out and eat it during class. I am always paranoid of people asking questions about seemingly weird habits. Particularly always taking my purse to the bathroom with me (because i used to carry the wipes in my purse)
Another staple of my fiber diet is arnolds double fiber bread. 5 grams of fiber per slice, so if you make a whole sandwich, thats ten grams of fiber, which is pretty good. Its too bad I am mostly a peanut butter and jelly kind of girl, because sandwiches can get boring after awhile, but I'm dealing with it. Sometimes i have eggs and toast in the morning or something.
I definitely have to start carrying wipes around with me again. I have experienced a little tiny bit of leakage, but its not a big deal other than that it makes me itch and I have to go and wipe.
Thanks for the good wishes, I hope i feel better soon too. Today when i went it was soft, but I could still feel a bit of pain. Doesn't hurt afterwards. I think I just need to be really nice to my butt from now on, and hope for the best. I also have a bad cold right now, so I'm spending a lot of time laying down, which should help too.
I think a big part of me staying on track will be to keep participating here where there is encouragement and support. So I am going to try to be on and around here more.
xo
kate

Erin, yes, I agree with Kate- you will be able to eat it all soon and just some extra fiber (Metamucil for me once a day) will be enough.
Also, don't worry about all the "things that you have to carry" - they will go down in amount as time passes !!! I now carry travel size wet wipes pack , travel size Vaseline, and one Metamucle individual tiny pack. It all can fit on the top of my palm : ) !, less than other stuff that I carry in my purse LOL !!! At the beginning I was considering buying one of those bags that new Moms carry for their babies

And you might find that you will be able to give support to the new kids on the block here too. We have a lot of young ladies who would be so interested to hear how your LIS went and your recovery and all of that!

Yeah, if anyone wants to hear about it, I can find my old post and re-post it, adding on any new thoughts that I have.