by horsetrainer » 27 May 2017, 23:26
I just had another appointment with my colorectal surgeon a few days ago. My LIS incision is still open. During the last ten months, the doctor has applied silver nitrate twice and has done two debridements under anesthesia. The wound is about one centimeter long. It oozes gunky stuff, and when I have a BM I have to gently clean inside it with my finger and vanicream lotion (which is the best lotion out there, I am sensitive to many ingredients).
I told my surgeon that I don't have much hope that it will ever heal.
It causes high rectal aching in my pelvic floor in addition to the burning pain of the skin of the anal canal. It's high, and can't be seen from the outside; it's almost in the recturm.
The doctor prescribed pelvic floor physical therapy, and I met with the PT this week. I feel let down by the system and my body, though, and I don't really want to have another clinician looking at my butt and touching me. When my surgeon told me that he's "confident" that physical therapy will help my pain, I started to cry. He told me to do the PT and then come back in two to three months. I usually love my CR surgeon but in that moment I felt a new emotion toward him, which was rage. Most of it is misdirected, but it's such a debilitating thing to have this wound.
I cope with this miserable condition by trying to stay in the moment: I love the outdoors, gardening, my horses, and my dogs. I have a wonderful family. I am beginning to ride again and it seems that riding is not as painful as walking. I try to remind myself that there are many things to be grateful for, but I have my moments of rage and depression.