Checking in to whine a little- knowing you understand

Are you having, or have you had a Lateral Internal Sphincterotomy (LIS)? Please share your experiences here, or ask any questions.

Return to LIS - Considering surgery or already had it?



Checking in to whine a little- knowing you understand

Postby Bambi » 27 May 2011, 08:06

Hi all-
My title pretty much says it all. I am really doing ok and know that things could be much much worse, but I have been really having major anxiety and lack of patience lately. I am still having ok BMs, although occasionally I will have one that is slightly harder to come out (like last night) and then I still have those major anxiety symptoms. I even got down on my knees in front of the toilet this morning after last night to pray before pooping that I didn't retear ( and I didn't!). I am far enough out from LIS now (Feb 17) that I have lost count of my weeks and I have not had pain with a BM for around 2 months. So really what do I have to complain about!? But the skin tag area is still so easily irritated that when any BM remains at all or I have a softer movement, it burns and itches. And it is so close to where the fissure was inside that as many of you know, it becomes difficult to distinguish if the fissure might be trying to resurface (hince my prayer and anxiety this morning). The last week or so has been worse and probably because the poop has been softer. I went through a blissful few days to a week a couple of weeks ago where I was having one to two firm but soft movements a day and very little irritation. Guess I got spoiled because now I have very little patience for what is basically minor discomfort.
I felt the need to reach out this morning because yesterday I kept looking with the mirror and getting myself in an uproar and I think that really doesn't help things and maybe irritates the area further by my contortions of squatting and looking in the mirror. And there is the definite vicious circle of irritation from what I would call "spotting" that is irritating and then the subsequent extra wiping irritates further.
I hesitate to even post this because I surely don't want to scare anyone who is considering LIS or is early on in recovery. I remember reading several posts concerning this "spotting" issue right before my surgery and it really scared me. Really, without the LIS I am convinced I would still be on the continuing round and round path of pain and bleeding that seemed to get better and only would come back again. And the skin tag was no picnic either, so it's shadow is a minor thing in comparison. And from what I remember reading, most people saw the slight leakage reducing over the months.
But who else can I really talk to? Yesterday I was weepy all day- really some of my anxiety is displaced from my husband's situation to my own and all comes together in a heap. I used to talk to him a lot, but he is increasingly miserable as he goes through his treatments (see off topic post). Last night he just wanted me to hold him and periodically would get up and just pace around. It was terrible. So how can I really whine to him- it's not right and feels very petty. But I know you all are there and understand.
But for those reading this and unsure about surgery, don't let the fact that time is needed and patience I don't currently have. As a friend of mine said when I was considering LIS and hesitating because I was doing better on and off and didn't want to feel worse for a while, you might as well go ahead and start the process that is going to really lead to healing now as opposed to waiting and still having to go through the process later on.
Caring thoughts and prayers to you all
Bambi
Bambi
Proctosphincteranalogist
 
Posts: 352
Topics: 72
Joined: 07 Nov 2010, 17:00
Location: Colorado
Has thanked: 0 time
Been thanked: 5 times
Gender: None specified

Re: Checking in to whine a little- knowing you understand

Postby Deleted User 579 » 27 May 2011, 09:58

Hey Bambi - I'm so glad that you let us know how you are doing and that you came here for support. That's what we are here for!
Image
I can't imagine what your poor nerves have been going through! There can be no doubt that anxiety about Doug is getting wrapped up in your own health issues - that is inevitable and that has to be really difficult to deal with. I really want you to be nice to yourself and give yourself a lot of sympathy, patience and kindness. That's what you would do for any of us, if we were in your situation.
Soft BMs can burn! I know what you are talking about. I hate loose BMs as much as the hard ones. I'm so sorry the skin tag site is still giving you grief. Don't forget, though, that you are only a little over 3 months post-op and HappyAss told us that his skin tag site didn't completely heal for 3.5-4 months - and I think that's probably about standard. I know that it doesn't always help to be reminded how long healing will take, but you seem to be pretty much on healing schedule.
Bambi - it will get better! You have been healing bit by bit, slowly but surely and you will continue to heal until the skin tag is a distant memory. Image
Have you been using any kind of barrier cream for the spotting? I seem to recall some folks here mentioning some good stuff for that like zinc oxide or Calmoseptine (sp?).
You are right that you are much better off now than you were pre-LIS, but that doesn't mean things aren't still rough, so don't feel bad about feeling down. Sometimes we have to feel what we feel. Your anxiety levels really must be through the roof, with everything happening with Doug, and when the butt doesn't behave, well that just amplifies the anxiety all the more. You are being so strong for your husband! It must be so difficult for you to see your dear husband suffer and I feel for you with all my heart. My thoughts and prayers are with you both everyday.
We are here to give you hugs when you need some TLC. Image
Deleted User 579
 

Re: Checking in to whine a little- knowing you understand

Postby Bambi » 27 May 2011, 15:28

Thanks Hopestoheal- you and many others are always so gracious. I wanted to post to my own topic as I think this day is turning around. When I first woke up this morning and was in such an anxious down mood, I noticed the picture on my desktop that I now made my avatar. It is a picture of the town square in Greve in Tuscany. We stayed at a hotel right on the square there in the summer of 2007 with our daughter and it just was such a pleasant memory and made me start thinking differently about the day. My husband and I ended up talking about the type of trip we want to take when all his issues are over- restful, maybe a beach condo and not trying to sightsee very much- or a week in Tuscany would be great! We were originally going to go to Rome in September, but that is when he has his surgery to recheck things. Anyway- our daughter and her husband were maybe going to come tonight or maybe tomorrow, but I thought- I'm going to make some interesting Tuscan dinner tonight, put a red checked tablecloth on the deck table where we have all our own geraniums ala Greve . So I found a great recipe for grilled lemon garlic Tuscan chicken and made a caprese salad and bought some wonderful interesting olives at Whole Foods and one serving of tiramisu (I started Weight Watchers last weekend). I went and got 3 different Italian wines for us to try and some good Italian bread. And my daughter called in the midst of that to say they were coming tonight. Anyway- I am off to soak myself in the tub since maybe I need to do a little more of that again and my chicken is soaking in its' marinade. So when life gave me lemons today I decided to make Tuscan lemon chicken!
Bambi
Bambi
Proctosphincteranalogist
 
Posts: 352
Topics: 72
Joined: 07 Nov 2010, 17:00
Location: Colorado
Has thanked: 0 time
Been thanked: 5 times
Gender: None specified

Re: Checking in to whine a little- knowing you understand

Postby Bambi » 27 May 2011, 15:29

Tomorrow is my birthday and Wednesday was my daughter's 24th so we are celebrating both tomorrow as a family. I thought it was like I was organizing my own fun mini party!
And my daughter got called to interview for the school district job she has been wanting!
Bambi
Proctosphincteranalogist
 
Posts: 352
Topics: 72
Joined: 07 Nov 2010, 17:00
Location: Colorado
Has thanked: 0 time
Been thanked: 5 times
Gender: None specified

Re: Checking in to whine a little- knowing you understand

Postby Deleted User 579 » 27 May 2011, 15:47

Wow, Bambia! You're awesome! I'm so inspired by how you turned your day right around. Your dinner sounds lovely! Now I'm really hungry :D
Have a lovely evening, Bambi - you all deserve it!
Image
Deleted User 579
 

Re: Checking in to whine a little- knowing you understand

Postby happyass » 30 May 2011, 10:14

happy belated birthday bambi!!!!!
i hope you had a lovely time with your family.
big hugs,
happy
happyass
King Fissure
 
Posts: 1500
Topics: 74
Joined: 09 Dec 2006, 17:00
Location: right next to you
Has thanked: 0 time
Been thanked: 1 time
Gender: None specified

Re: Checking in to whine a little- knowing you understand

Postby alpinestrawberry » 02 Jun 2011, 07:07

Happy belated b-day Bambi! Today is mine. Unfortunately my present is a new tear-- :(
I'm sorry you were feeling anxious but of course I understand. Your poor husband is going through so much physically and you, emotionally, along with him. Not to mention the physical strain you've been through yourself. It's just hard. There are always going to be kind people here that are willing to listen and sympathize! I haven't been around much but that's because I was doing well, and let's be honest, it's hard to come back here sometimes and think about butt problems when you don't have to. The people that heal and still hang around must be saints. But, here I am again, not quite healed.
I have a pretty good notion that I just ignored my butt too much, stopped taking Miralax and ate the wrong thing and now I'm paying. I know this has happened to others here and so I'm trying not to have a meltdown. I'm going to take my Miralax, drink my water, watch my diet, and use some nitro ointment. I really wouldn't want another surgery so soon, only two months after the first, so I guess I better try to self-medicate for awhile. I don't know quite what to think. Is it that the surgery didn't work? Do I need more muscle to be cut? Or does it just need time? Finding my way through the dark.
It sucks, but I guess it just resets your expectations of what the norm will be. Life, and my body, don't have to be perfect. But I appreciate the small things, and the pain free days more than ever. I'm sure you know what I mean, especially with what your husband is going through.
This weekend while I was camping with my group (best people in the world, except for AF boardies!) I talked to my friend Beth. She's an older lady, in her sixties now and she just had her third surgery due to a childbirth injury. She tore clear through her vaginal/rectal wall and has had to have skin grafts that her body rejected and as a consequence she had to live for years with all sorts of trouble. Finally with this third surgery the grafts aren't being rejected. Unfortunately at her age and health status, the surgeries and the anesthesia aren't easy on her and now she feels weak.
So I guess that puts my fissure nightmare in perspective! It could be so much worse. Actually while she was telling me about it I got dizzy and close to fainting and had to sit down. I can be squeamish, and it was all too real.
Eventually I hope to put up a final 'alls well' update post, but, I can't yet. Image
Bambi, I hope you and your husband really enjoyed the dinner you made. It sounds terrific! Hope you're both feeling better! Image
alpinestrawberry
Proctosphincteranalogist
 
Posts: 367
Topics: 17
Joined: 19 Jan 2011, 17:00
Location: Michigan
Has thanked: 0 time
Been thanked: 1 time
Gender: None specified

Re: Checking in to whine a little- knowing you understand

Postby Deleted User 579 » 02 Jun 2011, 09:01

Happy birthday, Alpine! Image I'm so sorry your present sucked Image Image
I had blood with my BM yesterday and today, after 6 days with none, and I was pretty bummed out. It is difficult to stay positive when the healing can take a long time. I really hope you are not in too much pain. I definitely understand why you wouldn't want another surgery so soon after your first one. I have read posts here where some nitro or dilt ointments helped people with the last bit of healing after the LIS, so I think you are doing exactly the right thing. And, if it comes to it down the road, another LIS might just do the trick. CRSs deliberately make very conservative cuts and there have been a few boardies who needed two to finally heal. Not a nice thing to contemplate, I know, but one way or the other you will heal! You will put the "all's well" post up for us to celebrate! Image
Bambi - if you're around, as you can see we are thinking of you! You and Doug are in my thoughts and prayers Image
Deleted User 579
 

Re: Checking in to whine a little- knowing you understand

Postby Elphie » 02 Jun 2011, 12:18

Hi Bambi, sorry you had some bad days, you too alpine, and on your birthday! Happy belated birthday to you Bambi and happy birthday to alpine! I'm having a down week it seems, troubles with my teenager ended with him being thrown out and we are torn up about it, more me I think, I miss my boy! I think stress is affecting me, no burning but some stinging and discomfort today and yesterday, bit of blood, which causes MORE stress, that's maybe what's bothering you too, Bambi, what you and Doug are going through is tough! You are probably both trying not to bother the other, bothers not the right word, I hope you know what I mean...get through it one day at a time and look forward to that trip to Tuscany! Please don't feel bad for whining here, that's what it's here for! There are better butt days ahead for all of us, I'm sure of it, the kind where you don't think about your butt, even once! I understand weepy days, today is one for me. This morning I had a bug cry in the bathroom because my three year old, wearing real panties for the second successful day, shat her panties. This shouldn't be a big deal for me she's my third but when I had to go rinse those panties out, I lost it and bawled for ten minutes in the bathroom hiding from the three yr old! Typing it out is actually making me laugh as I picture myself...anyway, just goes to show you, we've all been through alot, are still healing plus dealing with what ever else life throws at us, and we still have a place to safely whine and complain and vent, and it really helps. Alpine, I hope that tear is tiny and heals quick, now that you're cut it should.
You are all in my thoughts and we are all pulling for Doug's treatment to go well and that he's back up to snuff for that trip to Tuscany!
Image
Elphie
Fissureologist
 
Posts: 452
Topics: 10
Joined: 08 Mar 2011, 17:00
Location: Ontario
Has thanked: 0 time
Been thanked: 3 times
Gender: None specified

Re: Checking in to whine a little- knowing you understand

Postby Deleted User 579 » 02 Jun 2011, 12:46

Wow - it looks like a few of us are having some rough butt days lately. I just took a painkiller for the first time in almost two weeks because the ole butt's been stinging
:( I'm just telling myself things will get better - for all of us.
Poor Elphie - cleaning up kakka when your butt is sore can't be fun! You're little one will get the hang of things soon! I'm so sorry about your troubles with your son. That must be so stressful. If it makes you feel any better, I was a real sh*thead when I was a teenager. My mom tossed my sorry ass out of the house too. But that phase passed pretty quickly and we got along much better as I got older. In fact, my mom was just visiting from Florida to help look after me, and we were reminiscing about how much fun we have had together in my adult years and how close we are now. She did me a big favour by not taking my crap. We are now best friends.
I really hope our butts get better very soon ... and I really hope we here good news from Bambi very soon too.
Deleted User 579
 


  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Return to LIS - Considering surgery or already had it?



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 22 guests