The embarrassment lasts for a while but after a time I found myself telling people. Those closest got full details those such as colleagues were only told minimal details. I think the people closest to you will not make you feel worse/bad etc and to be able to say 'no i can't do....' without a poor excuse being made up makes life so much easier.
As for a night out with my mates and their wives it became quite normal to chat about my arse!! :D

When I realized this wasn't going to go away as quick as I wanted, I started to tell a few people. It's beginning to affect my life more and more so I will be telling a few more close friends as well. It's not too difficult for me to share, I'm just more concerned that they'll feel more embarrassed. I like to be straightfoward about it, "I've got a butt cut and it feels like a knife is jammed in my asshole and its taking forever to heal, that's why I can't go out today."
I also like making jokes about it, sometimes it feels good just to think about all the puns you can come up with.

Hi all! This is my first post since I joined. I too have been frustrated by not being able to talk about what was making me so moody -- fine and happy one day, near tears the next day, cancelling get-togethers because I was "not doing very well today". How to explain why I couldn't sit and join someone for a coffee at a cafй when invited to? (Can't sit! Gotta lie down!) Why was I walking funny when yesterday i seemed ok? (Thought the darn thing was healing but ripped it open again this morning!) Why the heck did I keep changing positions every minute at the restaurant? (Because I'm trying to reduce the sharp-knife-in-the-backside sensation as best as I can to get through the dinner!)
My standard, in-a-pinch response is that I hurt my coccyx (tail-bone). I actually did, when I was 15, when my skateboard went flying out from under my feet. The pain is somewhat similar and the gestures made to avoid it are too.
Eventually, if it's someone I see regularly and who I know to be a sympathetic person (and not too squeamish), I go on to intimate that it is a bad case of hemmeroids (sp?). Most of my friends here are moms, and many have been afflicted with the darn things since or during their pregnancies.
And then there are the handful of people that I have confessed the truth to, generally because they were really concerned about me and how my life (and my behavior) has changed since this stupid thing began 7 months ago. I use lots of humour, get as graphic as they want and we laugh. Then I feel better, and they are reassured that I am not simply in a black-hole of untreated depression or that I have become a closet drug addict (that is, apart from the lidocaine, nitro-glycerine, pain relievers, ointments, stool softeners and suppositories!!!)
I am lucky in that I can talk freely with my parents about this, now that it has become a real health issue and not just a physical bother, and I have a wry and ironic 86 yr old aunt who has long regaled me with detailed stories of her constipation and bowel obstruction adventures. She is thrilled to partake of my tales of anal woes!
One last thing for this over-long post: I think it is important that we be able to speak freely to at least some trusted people about this, not only to alleviate our "shameful secret" but also to shed light on a not-too-uncommon condition. I found this site while desperately searching for help I couldn't find via my French doctors. The gallic shrug accompanying the "It'll heal one day" just wasn't doing it for me. What BLISS and JOY accompanied my relief at finding 1600 or so other people going through the same thing and talking about it in detail, with humour and sympathy, while actually offering useful information. I've yet to have someone respond to my confession with a, "Wow, you too? Have you tried _____?" but you never know!

Buttcrack, you could have written my post for me... i am having the same issues. what started out as
'pain in my tailbone' progressed to much more. i have had the MRIs, steroid injections, thrombosed hemmorhoid removal, hemmoroidectomy for internal hemmorhoids, pain pills, new office chair, 900 different cushions, nitroglycerin, lidocaine, more pills, and now am told due to my fissure have to get a sphincterotomy (?). Now I have a desk job and sit the whole day. I am dreading this operation. For my hemmorhoid surgery I couldn't even tell my boss, her best friend is the biggest mouth in the whole office and I did not want my medical issues broadcast to the 120 employees. It is completely embarassing to me. and in my opinion should be kept private. I am still having the tailbone Pain, for real and that is going to be my reason for all of my absence and it's no one's damn business but mine!! I am a 51 year old woman who had a twinge here or there over the years but nothing like it's been the past year or so. I just want it to be over :*(

Hi Owie. My gosh, it sounds like you been down this long painful road too long! I hope the sphincterectomy does the trick... It has to! I mean, we can't live the rest of our lives like this, can we? I finally badgered my French doctor (I live in France) into prescribing the nitro glycerin after my 4th tear-filled visit to her. She had never heard of the treatment. Begged for stronger lidocaine too. Said this was all standard stuff in the US and UK. Had 2 weeks of BLISSFUL painlessness (until I got sick with flu and the digestive system slowed down because I was eating so little, and then, well, you know... Ow!). That is the way our bums should be -- pain free. Best of luck to you!

I've mostly just told family. I told three friends and only one was willing or interested to know more.
my mom though, has been through the same thing, or very similar. We seem to mirror eachother for some health issues.
my mom doesn't say how long it took her to heal. Just that it took months and there were a lot of setbacks and for a year, even after she healed, she was terrified of retearing again.
I haven't told her about the self dilating i've been doing though ; )
-Tanya

Tanya, how's that working for you?
I hope you're feeling better and making progress. :)

Hey Sweet,
I'm getting there, just taking a long time is all ; )
I felt a bit more sore today, but then I compared it to how I felt a couple months ago, and it is hands down better. So Can't really complain.
Sorry progress has been slow for you too. At least this is leading to good long term habits.
-Tanya

workingonit wrote:Hey Sweet,
I'm getting there, just taking a long time is all ; )
I felt a bit more sore today, but then I compared it to how I felt a couple months ago, and it is hands down better. So Can't really complain.
Sorry progress has been slow for you too. At least this is leading to good long term habits.
-Tanya

I was saying to Mistah, on a different forum area here, that my AF thing is behind me (no pun intended, lol) -- I think. However, all the awkward post-op lying around, sitting awkwardly, etc., has caused me to have some sort of weird bottom aching -- a bone/arthritis/bottom nerve-attack type of thing.
Oh, well. At least I'm living much more of a normal life and able to do things -- I just need to get past the recovery. It does take time.
Yes, I do intend to keep watching myself, very carefully. Hugs to you! Hang in there.

I have told 2 close friends and my mom ALL the details. My associates at work and my friends at church just know that I'm having "outpatient colon surgery" or "colo/rectal surgery". I haven't had anyone ask for more specifics than that. I figure that since the surgery is done by a CRS than it's not really lying and I don't have to give all the gory details. However, there was one person that wouldn't stop asking questions so I just said, "they have to cut my anus open and slice out the muscle"...she shut up.