To us all ....................

I've been on the diltiazem for about 3 weeks now. I havent had any more "horrible" days- but I also have been taking it super easy. Went for a little walk today and felt like little cut with every step. Also was sore after my BM today- even though it was soft and small. I will try and give it more time. It's hard to believe that one day this will be over. I want to believe it! Thanks for all the knd words everyone. Wish it wouldn't take us all so long to heal. At what point do I go back to CRS, I mean should I try and let it heal more on it's own? ( the CRS said looked like it was healed anyway)?

You know, after my surgery and initial recovery, by week 6, I felt that I was healed...and at that point my crs said my fissure was 95% healed. Healed for me was no incling at all that anything was ever wrong. I felt great. No matter if I was walking, sitting, standing, laying, cleaning, light exercising and even bm's...I felt no twinges, aches or anything of that nature. I was "back to normal".
I also know that when Bill Ultra, who's on the forum, healed his own fissure...I think within 8 weeks, he too felt "back to normal".
So, in my opinion, it doesn't sound to me as though you are fully healed...and I certainly wouldn't hesitate to make an appt. with your crs and let him/her know what you're experiencing and the concern you have that something is going on. At least, if your crs' opinion is still the same regarding your prognosis, maybe he/she can offer you an opinion as to what it is you are feeling or why you may be having the feelings you are. I know it's a pita to have to go back, but I definitely would, if it were me.
I'm just curious, if your crs told you you were healed, why are you still on the diltiziem? Did he/she tell you to continue, or did you resume it on your own?
I am happy to hear that the rough days have passed...and truly hope you continue on that path. This is a real bit**...and can go on for quite a while till it's over..it is the unfortunate reality for many of us. But it does sound like you are really close to the end...so please stay positive and do make that appointment. There is never any harm in getting things checked again...and sometimes it helps to offer us added peace of mind when checking in with the crs sooner rather than later. I know jr posed the question once, but I'm not sure you answered...are you completely satisfied with your crs, or would you possibly consider a 2nd opinion?
Best Wishes for complete healing and comfort. Please keep us updated with your progress.
Angel

Hiya,
My fissure is continuing to heal and I don't yet know what a healed fissure should feel like but I have to agree with Angel that it doesn't sound "completely" healed if you're still in pain with it. It sounds to me like your CRS wasn't 100% sure that it had healed and perhaps he advised you to use the cream to promote further/ full healing. Also agree it could be worth going back to ask? or getting a 2nd opinion...I would definately continue to use the cream though and for the period recommended as it really did help relieve the rawness of it all for me personally and assists the healing process. Keep updating and keep healing! x

I don't believe you have healed if you are still having problems and pain. Go and see another CRS, I did when I was told there was nothing worng and its the best thing I have done. They were beginning to make me feel like I was being silly, but this CRS has found my fissure has healed on top but not underneath. I am waiting for a procedure to help with this (although I have not had much pain for well over a week!) so that it worth looking into. I am 16 months into this now and felt there was no end. I'm not too proud to admit that this affected me mentally too, to the point where I asked for help and went through counselling and herbal therapies. If you need help, ask for it - that shows true strength. This will end, I believe it now when this time a year ago I was praying when I went to sleep not to wake up. Don't get me wrong I still have a few off days but it does get better, and when it does make the most of every minute in life. Sounds incredible cheesy but it has changed my life for the better, I now take every opportunity, do what I can, and have planned what I am going to do when I am 100% following this procedure.
Sending all the positive thoughts your way that I can. I have been where you are and it DOES get better. Keep healing and searching for the right treatments and CRS to help you :)

I agree, healed shouldn't hurt! I too have ended up in therapy to deal with the depression this has brought me. The therapist is also helping me come to terms with the probability of surgery. I've suffered over 6 months an I'm really afraid of surgery. I've always been up beat and happy and now I'm down and depressed. I often think I wouldn't want to go on if I didn't have my family who needs me. I wonder who am I? I've never been depressed or felt life isn't worth living. How can a fissure make us feel this way? I wish everyone here a speedy recovery. You've all been a source of comfort. I hope everyone comes back to share their success and stories of healing. It gives me hope

Badd, depending on how long you're treating it, don't run from surgery. It might be your best option.
If it ain't, you might pave your way to healing still! By relieving the pressure down there. Don't let incontinence worry you as well, do your research and find an experienced CRS if u do decide on it.
Yes I have some really bad days but once it is done right, you'll be healed. Good luck! For me the days I don't get a spasm I'm really thankful. Its like I got so accustomed to the pain for years, now the times when I don't have it, it feels weird!

Thanks everyone. I have up and down moments. I called my CRS after a particular bad day and they called in a prescription for diltizam. I wasn't on it before. I am not sure it has made any difference. I am confused if I have spasms. All i think I feel is the actual fissure pain- it is acute and in one particular spot. Sometimes I feel a squeeze and the pain is more- but the squeeze is short lived. My CRS had said I wasn't really "tight". This is my second CRS and he had great reviews. I could always try a 3rd I guess but I will maybe try this guy again? I wish someone around here could reccommend someone.
I defintely have days where I pray that I won't wake up in the morning. I haave considered antidepressants- but truly it that physical pain that gets me so down. :(
Sounds like everyone has healed in less time thatn me- I defintely think it is internal - how can they tell that? I don't bleed at all.But hurts to BM, gas hurts, and walking for too long hurts.sometimes hurts for no reason.

Hi rmb,
If this was happening to me, and I was experiencing this many ups and downs, when I was supposed to be healed... I would be seeing the doc yesterday. If you can get in to see the 2nd crs again, now, go. Be persistent with your concerns that what you're feeling is, at times, so unbearable that it is taking a toll on you emotionally. If this doc isn't empathetic or acknowledging of your condition, and let's you leave without offering you a different opinion as to what's going on..my advice is immediately move on to a third crs. If he called in dilitziem, that tells me he at least acknowledges that perhaps your muscle isn't as relaxed as
it needs to be. If he was on point, and the fissure was healed, that spot is
still compromised...and I'd say weakened...so if you are spasming there
could be tugging on a still sensitive area.

I believe the best way for crs' to diagnose an internal fissure is by way of scope. I'm not sure they can confirm one by a digital exam..doesn't sound likely. The problem with that is, I'm inclined to think, you may risk tearing the original fissure by performing a scoping procedure.
I've read many stories of people healing and many stories of those who don't. Some are lucky enough to heal quickly, others take longer. Some
move on with no reoccurrences, others have set-backs. It's the same
with procedures and surgeries. Botox works for some, and not for others. Lis as well...same thing. Recovery times also, different experiences based
on the individual. There is absolutely no one standard for healing or recovery. There is what we hope it will be based on what we're told it will be....but being here amongst all of us I've learned there is no rhyme or reason to this whole condition. Me and you could follow the exact same regimen, every single day...and you may heal, I may not. That's the harsh reality...sucky as it is.
Please get yourself into the doc's office...let him check things again..you need to go...also seeing your gp, if your mood continues to remain this low, seems like a good idea. If you could get on some anti-depressants, it could certainly help with your overall state of mind and being during all
of this.
I'm praying for your physical and emotional healing..we all are
Angel

Restoremybody,
I second everything Angel says above. Someone needs to be giving you a more thorough exam to get to the root of this pain for you, even if it means finding another CRS. Fissures that occur higher up inside usually need to be visualized with an anoscope, which can be performed under anesthesia so that you don't experience any pain during the procedure.
Please don't feel you are all alone in your pain. There are many of us here who understand what you are feeling and the frustration and downright despair this condition can cause when having to live with it every day for so long. And like Angel says, don't be timid about shopping for a doctor who will be more proactive for you. You are paying them for their service and expertise. That makes you their "customer" in a sense, and if one isn't finding the problem, it's time to move on to someone who can.