Hi, I just need some encouragement. My son and husband will be gone in the boundry waters for a week (leaving me alone) and I am still feeling pretty lousy. How can "healed" still feel so tender and painful? PLease someone tell me this will pass and one day I'll wake up and not even think about fissures or pain. Somedays I have high hopes, but days like today I feel hopeless.

I'm so sorry you're still having so much pain. Healed does not feel tender and painful, so something is being missed. Are you able to consider seeing a different doctor, or do you feel satisfied with what your doctor is telling you?
I know how awful it feels too to have to be alone. It's like all the anxieties and sadness are magnified when no one else is around. Books and movies and music and anything that can occupy yor mind become essential.
There will come a day when you are past fissures. We all have to keep hoping for this, and on the days we have no hope left we need to keep reaching out like you're doing and ask others to be our hope keepers for us. You WILL get better. I don't know by what method or when or what is going to come next for you, but for now, for today, I'm holding your hope safe for you because I know you're going to feel it again, and I know you are going to find the solution that is right for you. Please be extra gentle with yourself today and i recommend doing something kind for yourself, anything at all that is not fissure related that will help you feel more connected to something else, even for just a little while.
Sending you comforting thoughts of healing and dreaming with you of the day soon that you are free from both the physical and emotional effects of fissures.

jr2, thanks for your response. I am trying to give the diltizam time but if I feel like this in a week I am sure I will call my CRS and make another appoinment. I know something is not right still.
I try and stay busy but I don't work during the summer (which is a blessing in a way and unfortunate in a way). My son is usually home to distract me but it feels like I am constanly under this pain fog.
Thank you so much for your kind words. I am crying as I read. I beleve in healing for all of us. I pray everyday for healing. One day we will all be able to write on this site that we are healed, you too jr.

I wish there was something I could add to jr's response, but how could I...I teared up also reading it and received comfort from it as well
I will echo jr and say that I too am so sorry you're still experiencing pain and soreness. Please do not hesitate to call your crs, I agree that something doesn't seem right and should be addressed.
Everyone of us here knows what you're feeling, both emotionally and physically. We have all unfortuntately lived with the horrific conditions that go hand-in-hand with this ailment. You are not alone, and I hope on some level that provides you with comfort. We all have the ability to offer each other support, compassion and understanding through the bad times.
On the flip side, we have the ability to encourage and inspire each other with joy through the good times.....and that's what we all cling onto...the hope that our good time will come soon enough and it is our turn to spread some cheer around.
Best wishes for the strength to see you through right now, and I pray that tomorrow will be a better day.
Angel

Thanks Angel, Why is this so hard? I've been through some terrible things in my life- but I think this takes the cake bcause of the physical and emotional pain of it all. Is it too early to call my CRS? Do most of you feel good most of the day?
One day this too shall pass, right?

Restoremybody
No, I'm in bed pretty much all day every day because of this pain. It doesn't ever let up. I've been here in bed for months, some days I just wear myself out crying, so I totally understand what you're saying.. I have yet another round of appointments with two different CRS docs in the next two weeks, but I don't expect I'll hear much of anything different. I think if you are suffering this much it is never too early to call the doctor.
Yes, one way or another this will pass , yes, and even as I say that through my own doubts and my own fears I will keep saying it whether I believe it in any moment or not. Yes, one day this will pass. Yes.

I've always believed in the power of positive thinking until now. Ive always been that annoying person that sees the silver lining in everything. People actually ask me what are you so happy about. I've lost that person but hold on to the hope that I will find her again. I know I'm in here somewhere despite the tears, depression and frustration. I will keep praying for myself and all of you. When all is said and done I'll have to figure out why this happened. If nothing else it's made me realize how strong I am. We are survivors, this debilitating , depressing, painful condition can't keep us down!!!!!

Oh so understand, I've been having a rougher week too. I also feel like my happy self is hiding somewhere. We are strong, and sometimes even more so because we can be made to feel like our pain is less significant because this will heal eventually. One nurse said to me, oh we call those paper cuts of the butt! Seriously,I was this close to punching her. Well all I have to say is F$$$ you fissure cause I'm stronger than you are!!!

Hi,
Just like everyone else, I REALLY feel your pain and despair coming through in your posts and can relate to your misery with it all...I do so hope things start to pick up for you soon and you gain the strength to be able to deal with it all better emotionally. I went to the point of being truly depressed, self-obsessed and hit pretty much rock bottom, thinking that life really wasn't worth living... but with a lot of support, (and medication) am beginning to realise that this IS a temporary situation and that life WON'T always be like this. I have read and heard of successful AF healing stories, both with and without surgical intervention, and think that I've just got to do what I have to do to get through it all in the meantime.
I noticed you started the Dilitazem. How's it going? I used this for seven weeks and it got me to the point of feeling almost normal again. Since I've been off the cream, I feel healing but not 100%....BM's now are pretty much pain free and no bleeding. The pain has continued to stay dull and ache-like with occasional pressure but not the intensity as back in those first few weeks and although it's there still, it's tolerable.
The key I agree, is distraction and focus on other things (which I can find hard to do!) but literally, STOP yourself when you start the focus on the pain or negative thoughts ( I pinch myself! or just say STOP out loud!) and focus on something or force myself to change my direction physically...Routine is particularly important to me too. I feel fortunate I am working because this really helps me focus through the working day...(not saying that it's always physically comfortable and I'm pretty much shifting position in my seat most of the time!) but I'm occupying my mind with other stuff. I then collect my daughter from school and busy myself with dinner/ household chores. Yes, the pain is there sometimes but not always (and I just treasure those moments!) but I just acknowledge it and move on. My hardest time in the day is early evening because I think I'm tired generally and seem to feel everything in my bum at this time!! but I reassure myself in knowing I will have a nice hot salt bath and that it's evening and time to relax and sit/ lie down as much as I want and then I can curl up in bed with a good book/ call up friends and chat!
The time I'm by myself can be the most challenging but I just try to throw myself into something else - going for a walk really helps, calling a friend, coming on this site for reassurance!!! reading, anything, watching rubbish TV, anything to distract really and I try to plan ahead a bit too (meals etc..) Overthinking and lack of motivation are worse enemies for me than my anal issues!!
I'm not saying that every day is good because I still have pure hellish moments of frustration, impatience and WHY ME?!!! but the tears have been less and like Badd above, I have always also been pretty positive and I know I'm still that same person, just suffering a bit medically at the moment but strong enough to get through it.
I hope when you read this, you are going through better days and you WILL get through this as I believe we ALL will at some point.
xx
Thanks to everyone contributing to this post. As ever, the support on this site is amazing and you all helped me too whilst reading through this.

IT WILL BE GONE !!!!!!!! Been there Had not one but two LIS surgeries and now it all looks like all was just very bad dream
JUST NEVER GIVE UP in your search for help !!!!! If one CRS does not help , find another, and ANOTHER and even A_N_O_T_H_E_R !!!! I saw 4 CRSs and one general surgeon before I had my first LIS and than found a FIFTH CRS who finally solved my problem
Butt pain is horrible not only because of its intensity but because NOBODY can relate or understand it unless he/she experienced it - not even a doctor
You will heal one day soon , you will see !!!!