I just really wanted to have a good birthday today. Told myslef even if I had pain I would try and enjoy my day and use my massage coupon my mom gave for Christmas. Instead it started in pain after a bm and the constant soreness I've been having for weeks. I eneded up spending the morning crying and screaming at God and soaking in the tub. I am a Christain but this has taken every last ounce of faith and endurance. I had no idea what lows a person can hit. Sorry, I just needed to vent even if no one responds. Will I ever have a nice bm again? Last birthday was much the same- I actually felt better a yeat ago I think.
:(

hopefulbutt -
So sorry to hear that you haven't seen much progress in the last one year. Please don't lose hope. If there is one thing I got after joining this forum is "hope". I have been through similar times in the last few months (though not on my bday). My fissure started when I was being treated for a medical condition I didn't have with meds I didn't need. The result of one of my medical tests was WRONG and I ended with a fissure because some numbnut did not do his job right. Not a single day went by when I didn't curse my bad luck.
I am trying to put all that behind me and focus on my healing. I am hopeful that tomorrow will be better.
I wish you a happy birthday and sincerely hope that you are fissure-free by your next one!

Oww. Thinking of you. Being in pain is no fun especially on you birthday. I love that we can say how bad we feel on this forum...and you know people understand. I try to have no expectation now as to how my day will pan out. I take each moment as it is pain and all. Sometimes when you get real low it is damn hard to believe that things will get better. So I read posts on here of people who have been in desperate pain and have found relief. How is your program going? What is the best part of your day. Is there anything you can add to your program that has helped others? Just know that we all care for you and you will be in my healing thoughts all day. Love Pia

I have been praying a lot since my fissure. I don't ask god why. I just thank him for all the good things no matter how small they are. This fissure really made me think a lot. Hopefulbutt- sorry you had a bad birthday. On my birthday last month, my fissure was spasming and then my sister got in a car accident.my sister was ok though.
I'm reading a book called "wokini" (Lakota journey to happiness and self-understanding) by billy mills with Nicholas sparks. It helps me with the question "why?!" .

You have GOT to change your diet.

Sorry, thinking of you. Please keep up hope.. We can all beat this damn thing! I have shed so many tears over this.
Lets give each other hugs...

So sorry you are feeling so bad on your birthday. I wish there was a magic button we could all press that gives you a day off the pain and misery.
Try to stay positive... Don't let it spoil your special day. Take some painkillers.. And go have that massage... It can only do you good!
OMB x

Happy birthday hopefull :D
A year is a long time to suffer. What have you tried, and whats the plan?

Hi hopefulbutt
I can completely understand you, sorry you had a bad birthday, my fissure also reopened the day of my birthday, what a coincidence.
I have also struggled spiritually, but I try to think this way, life or who ever is in charge (I'm not religious) has make me go through this experience to learn that health is a big part of being happy, I just don't care like I used to about money and material things, all I ask now is health and time to enjoy my two daughters.
Never never loose hope, just try to eat healthy and relax. Like Einstein said “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” try different things, try try try. Remember that life is a gift! and Happy birthday!

Thank you all for your posts. I'm at a total loss of what to do anymore. I just lay and cry.I have been to so many drs and CRS. How do I keep hoping? I'm so worn out.
JHH- I've tried nitro, dilt, and had botox. And yes Bill I have changed my diet a lot. I literally look at white bread and treats like they are satan himself. I take miralax daily. water, lots of veg and fruit. fiber one for breakfast.
I would love to take a pain pill- at least just to get through the really bad days, but my CRS says no when I ask. I'd like to put a knife up thier butt and see how she feels. (not really, but they have no compassion). I have been to a couple CRS's.