Need to Rant Rant Rant Rant..............agh

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Need to Rant Rant Rant Rant..............agh

Postby Rachael 1984 » 16 Mar 2013, 17:48

Please can anyone tell me this will ever end?! I seem to be on a very bad downward spiral! I am doing everything in my power to fight these AFS but they are killing me. Had a great few days... Then bam. I actually was stopped in my tracks with what felt like a knife going in then back out... This continued whilst I was out... Walking is hell. Sitting is hell. Breathing is hell! I just think that this pain is way beyond normal.
I am losing faith every waking minute... God what have I done to deserve this?! Anyone in this amount of hellish pain!
I feel like I cannot go on with this anymore...my life is bloody ruined! And why the hell this incessant bloody burning?! Not gonna eat again?!
Rant over! Sorry everyone
Hem Banding sept 2012
2Fissures
Nitro- Effective short term
April 2013-Botox-Effective short term
Diltazem-No effect, developed Rash
July 2014-Diagnosed High Resting Pressure
LIS performed on 17.9.14
Ongoing pain/re-tears. Awaiting pressure test results.
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Rachael 1984
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Re: Need to Rant Rant Rant Rant..............agh

Postby coconut » 16 Mar 2013, 17:57

Yah. I've had it that bad. I just keep reminding myself that nothing lasts forever. Doing things that help people with chronic pain, like guided meditation is helping somewhat. Baths help. Massaging your butt helps.
I have pretty soft stools normally, but I really made myself much more comfortable when I started to take Miralax anyways. It makes my stools softer than soft. That was helping until I had the surgery.
Its just a really, really sucky condition. People do heal though. Even people who have it chronically find ways to reduce the pain. I hope you find something that helps soon.
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Re: Need to Rant Rant Rant Rant..............agh

Postby Rachael 1984 » 16 Mar 2013, 18:05

Thanks coconut. Hope you are doing okay after surgery. Weirdly the pain has gone when I have a BM because I lubricate then straight into tub. It seems to be from around 11am until bed time. I never got pain at night, but now I do.
I just want the LIS to end this.. But the CRS is just doing the Botox. :(( should I demand the LIS when I am ready to go down?! Lol
Hem Banding sept 2012
2Fissures
Nitro- Effective short term
April 2013-Botox-Effective short term
Diltazem-No effect, developed Rash
July 2014-Diagnosed High Resting Pressure
LIS performed on 17.9.14
Ongoing pain/re-tears. Awaiting pressure test results.
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Rachael 1984
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Re: Need to Rant Rant Rant Rant..............agh

Postby nurseebol » 16 Mar 2013, 18:23

All you would have to do is say you are allergic to botox
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Re: Need to Rant Rant Rant Rant..............agh

Postby sidra1968 » 16 Mar 2013, 23:14

Rachael, I haven't been on here in a few years but HAD to respond to you..
I was in so much pain that every BM (and I have alot as I have IBS) was like getting violated with a broken beer bottle, seriously..and then it would burn like a lit cigarette was being held there for a few more hours (I never really got the spasms everyone talks about). I couldn't even function, really.
ANYWAY, point is, I went to a CRS and DEMANDED surgery (LIS). I told him that he had to give me the surgery asap or I "was going to jump off an overpass onto the highway" and I said "and that will be on your head". I said that I wasn't going to leave his office and he'd have to call the cops to get rid of me if he didn't agree to perform the LIS on me.
I was almost serious, because I was NOT going to live that way any longer. I would've walked into every CRS office within 1000 miles and said the same things if had to at the time. I was on a mission. It costs me $6,000 out of pocket (high deductible)but at that point, what's $$?..seriously, no amount of $$ in the world is worth anything if you feel like I did, so I just put it on a 0% credit card.
There IS hope, I'm living proof. Just decide you are going to get this done and tell the DR. that. I didn't pussy foot around with any other treatment after reading this board. What's the point really? He originally tried to hem and haw about maybe trying Botox and I cut him off right there and said "No, absolutely not" and the clincher was I then literally said "Surgery or death" (again, I was halfway serious at that point)
I was in surgery 4 days later. And have never looked back. It's a breeze compared to what you are experiencing now. You need to do something similar to what I did, Are you in the US?
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Re: Need to Rant Rant Rant Rant..............agh

Postby sidra1968 » 16 Mar 2013, 23:18

Just saw you are in the UK, so it may take longer to get a surgery appt.
But still, do what I did. You have to.
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Re: Need to Rant Rant Rant Rant..............agh

Postby Rachael 1984 » 17 Mar 2013, 04:49

Thank you so much Sidra. My life is on hold right now. I am depressed and very much like you have contemplated jumping off a bridge to be out of pain.
I even called the CRs secretary and she said that I need to have an EAU as well. I had a MRI done and this has led to this!! Then she said depending on the result, he may not do the Botox that day! My heart sunk in my chest.
I am in a pickle in a sense, I could pay private around Ј200 with another CRS, and go that route to get the Surgery.
The CRS I am under said he didn't want to do the op straight away due to incontenence risk?!
This misery ain't worth it, I am going to talk to my partner and father today and see if they can help me out. Putting it on credit is a good idea. Think it may run to around Ј3,000 here in the UK.
I love your style, how long did you have the Fissure? I have been suffering for a good 7-8 months. I also have 2, so double the pain. 👿💉👿👿👿
I even pray to god that I will eventually get over this!!!
Hem Banding sept 2012
2Fissures
Nitro- Effective short term
April 2013-Botox-Effective short term
Diltazem-No effect, developed Rash
July 2014-Diagnosed High Resting Pressure
LIS performed on 17.9.14
Ongoing pain/re-tears. Awaiting pressure test results.
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Rachael 1984
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Re: Need to Rant Rant Rant Rant..............agh

Postby coconut » 17 Mar 2013, 07:09

Rachael 1984 wrote:Thank you so much Sidra. My life is on hold right now. I am depressed and very much like you have contemplated jumping off a bridge to be out of pain.
I even called the CRs secretary and she said that I need to have an EAU as well. I had a MRI done and this has led to this!! Then she said depending on the result, he may not do the Botox that day! My heart sunk in my chest.
I am in a pickle in a sense, I could pay private around Ј200 with another CRS, and go that route to get the Surgery.
The CRS I am under said he didn't want to do the op straight away due to incontenence risk?!
This misery ain't worth it, I am going to talk to my partner and father today and see if they can help me out. Putting it on credit is a good idea. Think it may run to around Ј3,000 here in the UK.
I love your style, how long did you have the Fissure? I have been suffering for a good 7-8 months. I also have 2, so double the pain. 👿💉👿👿👿
I even pray to god that I will eventually get over this!!!

In england, the standard of care is to start with Botox, so almost all CRS doctors will want to start there. If you are truly convinced that you need to jump to surgery, I'm not going to contradict you. But read my story first, heh? Surgery is not an instant cure or without risks.
I can't really say if I would go back and do Botox instead of surgery. That kind of looking back is not helpful. But I will say to you that surgery has been very hard on me. You can find my surgery story in the thread "Surrendering to the Knife" My surgeon is one of the top CRS surgeons in the country, BTW. Its not that I got substandard care.
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Re: Need to Rant Rant Rant Rant..............agh

Postby sidra1968 » 17 Mar 2013, 10:55

Rachael, from what I've read and researched the risk of incontinence is very low and I was in such dire straits that I figured that even if I was in that VERY small percentage, so freaking what? Better to wear an adult diaper and be able to enjoy ANYTHING again... no biggie compared to the absolute agony I was in for 9+ hours a day.
Look at it logically. They can do immediate surgery on people with flippin' multiple gunshot and stab wounds and they are fine. This is extremely easy minor surgery in reality..nothing even compared to the partial hysterectomy I had a few years earlier. I was literally watching college basketball at home by noon on the same day.
Coconut, I' will go read your post later today..so sorry you had a bad experience. I will say a prayer for you too!
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Re: Need to Rant Rant Rant Rant..............agh

Postby Rachael 1984 » 17 Mar 2013, 14:29

Yes I have thought that I would rather have slight incontenence than have this hell. I want to cry I have just found a purple lump on my bum. God what else?!!
Hem Banding sept 2012
2Fissures
Nitro- Effective short term
April 2013-Botox-Effective short term
Diltazem-No effect, developed Rash
July 2014-Diagnosed High Resting Pressure
LIS performed on 17.9.14
Ongoing pain/re-tears. Awaiting pressure test results.
User avatar
Rachael 1984
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Posts: 1133
Topics: 26
Joined: 12 Feb 2013, 17:00
Location: UK
Has thanked: 1 time
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Gender: Female
Mood: Please heal!


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