I've a high tolerance for pain, and I had been doing better. But when my fissures are at their worst, I've at times cried out and whimpered during the spasms. I'm a big buff guy too, I'm sure it looks odd. Anyone else's get that bad?
I mainly ask because I was trying to describe how arresting the pain can be during a brutal, almost endless series of spasms. I don't think I've cried out for anything else but this, and I've been knocked around a lot!

Hi Anonymon - You're not alone.
I've done some screaming and a fair amount of crying... along with plenty of cursing. It IS brutal. Thankfully since I followed the advice here I'm doing better so no longer am experiencing those horrid spasms... some of which lasted more than 12 hours. I'm not cured by a long shot - but I'm not in that pit of despair.
I've had 4 kids... the largest was 10 pounds 6 ounces... I'd rather give birth daily than experience those spasms.

Sorry to hear you had to go through that too. It is comforting to hear more specifically about the spasms of others, however. Calling them spasms and saying they hurt is too abstract to really convey it. I've told few people about this, but they almost universally act like I'm a baby over it.
Though I am improving despite a setback, I've spent countless mornings flopping around in agony trying to find a position that hurts marginally less. Then, like yours, after the better part of a day has passed and I'm more fit to talk, it can be frustrating to be called a baby for not continuing on as if my ass wasn't better off being on fire.

I'm sorry Anonymon..it is pretty hard to explain to people who don't understand. Mine were lasting for the whole morning- to the point that I stopped working temporarily..I was really a wreck and it is even harder to explain because later in the day when you feel like you again, it's hard for people to realize how you were a few hours earlier. And that you are being tormented mentally waiting for the next bm and for them to start again. :(
I have a pretty high tolerance for pain, two babies naturally and no drugs and I think I would rather do that again then have this. I am new to this forum but at times like this it is so helpful to have others who understand..I hope for a speedy recovery for you.
The best way I would describe it was to say it was like walking around with a knife up your butt..sitting with a knife up your butt..going to the bathroom with a knife up your butt.. ouch :(

Thanks for the well wishes!
I'm self employed, and some of the things I do can be done telecommute, but I'm pretty much shot for work at the moment since my spasms sometimes lasted through the day. One of my clients' work can be done telecommute, but it isn't enough to pay the bills on it's own.
There's the spasms in the morning the moment I wake with a BM, then another set a couple hours after when I have yet another BM. Then the ones that happen every time I eat from my intestines moving the food through. Then the ones if I bend wrong . The 'acute' ones range from 3-12 hours for me.
I really was doing really well until today. My spasms had reduced significantly, and yesterday, I had a BM without one! Then the retear this morning when my BM decided to be a little harder and wider than it had been set me back. Based on the single drop of blood, I'm hoping it wasn't too bad, but it was enough to set me back to spasming. I have at least two fissures, though I don't quite know which one reopened. One time I closed one only to have the spasms from the other open it back up as I was lying there .
If nothing else, I'll certainly be more humble after all of this. Mine seem to alternate between "knife in the butt" as many have said, and "butt's on fire." Sometimes it's a duet, "flaming knives in the butt." Thinking of eating some rocks, opening up a new one and starting a band if this healing thing doesn't pan out .
I originally thought the pain was from an aborted BM that was basically chalk being caught in there based on the feeling, but learned about spasms after reading through here.

Hi Anonymon,
You're not alone in the pain. I'm a big crybaby and do very poorly when it comes to pain (one reason I choose not to ever have children, among other reasons), so I've cried a lot during my time with having a fissure. It was definitely the worst when it started at the end of December and beginning of January, though. It was one of the worst pains of my entire life. There were days when I just curled up in a ball on the floor crying and wishing I would die. I didn't scream, but just sobbed a lot and didn't eat anything. Thankfully, I haven't had any days like that since I started Diltiazem in mid-January and I pray to God I never experience that degree of pain ever again.
Mainly, the pain now is just a raw, sore feeling that is worse on some days, but almost non-existent on others. I really don't get how pain can come and go like that, but it does with me. I'm guessing it's just some bowel movements really irritate it, while others don't. I have no clue, since my bms are almost always soft and not that large. Also, some days I'm tighter down there than others (maybe due to stress).
I still have trouble understanding what is spasm pain and what is fissure (area/open sore) pain. Are the spasms like leg cramps (Charley horses)? The main pain I feel lately is just a raw, sore, somewhat burning feeling in the area of the fissure that comes and goes. It doesn't feel like a cramp or spasm, per say.

Totally relate to this... I have 2 fissures, the burning, knife in butt, twisting of the Knife.
I did get the pain down a little with the Dilt, then one of the Fissures tore again on Tuesday. I went in yesterday for Botox, but also came out with 2 banded internal hems.
Didn't know I had the Hems! Now I feel like I have an orange stuck up there!
The joys....

Luka wrote:Mainly, the pain now is just a raw, sore feeling that is worse on some days, but almost non-existent on others. I really don't get how pain can come and go like that, but it does with me. I'm guessing it's just some bowel movements really irritate it, while others don't. I have no clue, since my bms are almost always soft and not that large. Also, some days I'm tighter down there than others (maybe due to stress).
I still have trouble understanding what is spasm pain and what is fissure (area/open sore) pain. Are the spasms like leg cramps (Charley horses)? The main pain I feel lately is just a raw, sore, somewhat burning feeling in the area of the fissure that comes and goes. It doesn't feel like a cramp or spasm, per say.

Do you by any chance eat or drink things with caffeine in them on the bad days? I mainly ask because I kept to caffeine for a little while because I drank enough that I didn't worry about it being a diuretic. I later learned that it can also contract the anal area, and generally stimulate the intestines to move and pump. The colon in particular! Once I cut out caffeine, everything opened up a bit and was more gentle. It was an unexpectedly large change. Stress can affect it too, but for me, caffeine being cut gave immediate relief.
As for fissure vs spasm pain:
For me, fissure pain is very brief, sharp and acute when it happens. Spasms are either constant or rhythmic, going in and out for many hours. If the fissure is more healed, the spasms are fissure pain are both duller. But neither feel like a cramp to me. I've had some when they're more healed feel like dull aches sent through my butt and legs, but they're usually more rhymic pains that feel more like pressure as the fissures heal.

Anonymon:
Nope, I don't drink or eat anything with caffeine in it at all. I don't drink coffee, but I do drink green tea every night that is decaffeinated. I don't eat chocolate anymore either due to my acid reflux. : ( I REALLY miss it, since I was a major chocaholic before developing these issues.
I think for myself, stress is a MAJOR trigger of my pain. I've been having a lot of stress lately in my life, and I notice my pain always gets worse when my cortisol levels are so high. I get tighter down there, too. I'm trying to work on it, though, but it's difficult because sometimes things just really get to me.
I think I mainly get pain from the fissure itself. I'm guessing the spasms are when the sphincter is tighter and puts more pressure on the wound. I just always thought the spasms involved cramping, like a leg cramp, from what people have said on here. I remember having AWFUL butt/anal cramps one time a long time ago (not sure what caused them, but it was VERY painful) and I haven't had any of that with this fissure. Since it's in the process of healing, it's just raw and sore. These things can take months to heal depending on the individual, especially if they're chronic. Ugh. You definitely have to be patient, which, to me, is the most difficult part of all this. I keep thinking of getting the LIS surgery, but I can't afford it right now (I can't even afford to see my CRS to examine me again) since I don't have health insurance right now, so I'm doing the best I can with self-treatment, healthy diet, and Diltiazem.
Hope you feel better soon. These stubborn things are a major pain in the butt (literally!)

I also have a lot of tolerance to pain, after 3 major surgeries, the thing that was the worst for me when my fissure was fresh was the sleepless painful nights that make me realize that I had not control over this affliction.
Yes I did whimpered many times at the peak of the pain during a BM.
Only those like us understand what pain, suffering and discomfort a fissure pain can be.
Sometimes I thought I was going to lose my mind with the never ending pain.
But like everything, in my case It got better, at the worst now on a set back will be just a mild irritation and some pain during a BM that will last a few hours, but never like it was before, still a reminder that my fissure while better is not gone and probably will never be gone without surgery.