Hey all. 40yo, married, from Canada. My fissure started in early-December after a rather difficult BM. I have an insanely stressful job and some anxiety issues so they all came to head around this time. Saw a surgeon in early-January who gave me a perfunctory spelunking and diagnosed a fissure. He prescribed Nifedipine, which seems to be helping a bit.
I'm pretty much on a liquid diet, yogurt, soy milk, smoothies, because I am simply terrified to eat solid food. Somehow I still keep having solid BMs that tear me anew, even with stool softeners.
I realize in the big scheme of things a fissure is more of a nuisance than anything else. I was reminded of that recently when a coworker, my age, was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Really kind of put my ass in its place.
Nonetheless, this is starting to get to me. My wife is very supportive but I can sense her frustration because going out for dinner was our big thing and we can't anymore. I'm on the verge of a panic attack before I eat anything solid. I'm tired of feeling like I am healing, then bam, one solid stool and I am torn and ripped and bleeding. I don't think I will ever get used to the sight of seeing blood in a toilet bowl. It still fills me with horror. I use a donut pillow at work because I am in a car most of the day. I have to make up lies to coworkers about why I cant go for lunch, what the round donut thing is in the pillowcase I carry around with me, why I am so cranky today. why the limp?
Some of the stories I read on here make me want to cry. People who've lived with this for 5-6 years. My god how do you do it? I'm two months in and my life has completely changed.
Worst thing of all: I am so hungry lol
Thanks for reading my rant.