Happy belated b-day Bambi! Today is mine. Unfortunately my present is a new tear-- :(
I'm sorry you were feeling anxious but of course I understand. Your poor husband is going through so much physically and you, emotionally, along with him. Not to mention the physical strain you've been through yourself. It's just hard. There are always going to be kind people here that are willing to listen and sympathize! I haven't been around much but that's because I was doing well, and let's be honest, it's hard to come back here sometimes and think about butt problems when you don't have to. The people that heal and still hang around must be saints. But, here I am again, not quite healed.
I have a pretty good notion that I just ignored my butt too much, stopped taking Miralax and ate the wrong thing and now I'm paying. I know this has happened to others here and so I'm trying not to have a meltdown. I'm going to take my Miralax, drink my water, watch my diet, and use some nitro ointment. I really wouldn't want another surgery so soon, only two months after the first, so I guess I better try to self-medicate for awhile. I don't know quite what to think. Is it that the surgery didn't work? Do I need more muscle to be cut? Or does it just need time? Finding my way through the dark.
It sucks, but I guess it just resets your expectations of what the norm will be. Life, and my body, don't have to be perfect. But I appreciate the small things, and the pain free days more than ever. I'm sure you know what I mean, especially with what your husband is going through.
This weekend while I was camping with my group (best people in the world, except for AF boardies!) I talked to my friend Beth. She's an older lady, in her sixties now and she just had her third surgery due to a childbirth injury. She tore clear through her vaginal/rectal wall and has had to have skin grafts that her body rejected and as a consequence she had to live for years with all sorts of trouble. Finally with this third surgery the grafts aren't being rejected. Unfortunately at her age and health status, the surgeries and the anesthesia aren't easy on her and now she feels weak.
So I guess that puts my fissure nightmare in perspective! It could be so much worse. Actually while she was telling me about it I got dizzy and close to fainting and had to sit down. I can be squeamish, and it was all too real.
Eventually I hope to put up a final 'alls well' update post, but, I can't yet.
Bambi, I hope you and your husband really enjoyed the dinner you made. It sounds terrific! Hope you're both feeling better!