Hi Snow,
I have not had surgery, and hopefully someone will come along to answer some of your questions - am sure they will. It is not immediate healing after surgery, whatever the CRSs say. It takes time. I think Hopetoheal is a good person to follow, as she has given very clear notes on the results of her surgery.
Hopefully the Valium might help with the pain. I found that sitz baths made my spasms worse, so I try to limit them to 5 minutes, and then refresh the water, and 5 minutes again. I have the water fairly warm, but not hot.
Also, don't overdo the laxatives. Sounds like you are taking quite a few different things. I use the metamucil cookies for fibre (only two thirds of one, as I eat very little, though I keep my calories up), MOM - a third of a capful in the evening. I just do not eat too much, as it brings too much pain. I also mix organic chicken stock into my food, and it is a bit soupy, but I don't mind. I even use baby food (carrots) in mine. Organic something or other...I will do anything to keep the pain down basically!
It will get better. That is what to keep in mind. And research what others have said who have had the same surgery on here.
Thinking of you.