Hello everybody just 2 months ago i was fine and healthy. Used to go to the bathroom well, felt satisfied.
everything was great. Then suddenly got my symtpoms. posibly it's all due to some sexual thing i did(i inserted something). but i'm stupid so i did it and i couldn't think. i never did that before i was just trying stuff and i only did it once. ever. i have history of head trauma so often i can't think about what i'm doing and don't realize it until i did it and stuff. so that's how that happened.
now, i'm in terriblel feelings. I have pressure in the anal area, dont feel urge to go, dont feel urge in the morning. have vague sensation like i want to go all the time. i do manage to do at times but it's difficult. I no longer pass gas like i used to, i even can't it does work the same way. some bubbles form but don't complete, and dont come out. etc etc And Deep pains.
basically i feel like the whole system is messed up and like there's no hope.
And some of you say you bleed, i dont. i dont bleed. i bleed from something after wiping, but it seems external but i've had that even before all this started.
And any time i read about Anal fissures and stuff, in the internet, it just says 90% heal and then i think "yeah i had to be the 10% that don't". that sucks.
I haven't even had my scope test yet, so I don't even know what i have exactly but if it's damage, how come i'm not getting better at all.
Do the tissues never heal?
I have to have massive surgeries and stuff? That would suck.
I"m am a music person(hobby) play piano, now i'm just depressed and i can't even practice or anything. i'm gonna forget everything that i knew. That also sucks. my life is gonna end? I was doign volunteering and stuff and it was great, was making friends and everything first time in my life(i'm quiet friendless person). So ALL THAT"S GONNA END? :(
This is there reasons I'm scared
-It's not a simple fissure outside in the anus that are visible like the ones in the pictures of Anal fissure webpages out there in the web.
and it hasn't healed, whatever i may have, in 2 months.
-I have aweful problems with bowel movements and i can barely do. That in itself is a big change in my life. ANd i don't even see how that can be fixed . i feel i will never be able to feel urge normally and to poo normally.
-that they might need to cut my whole thing and I need to have Ostomy operation.
Is there any hope to get better? To get my life back? or am i just better to take my life out?
I always wonder why me. Many people in the web and etc just have anal fissures but for some reason i had to have more. Possibly damage sphincter and nerves and all that. i realy hate it. I don't know what to do.