Good morning Jr
Thinking of you and hoping you have a better, brighter day today...
Angel

how qre you today jr2? I have been thinking of you and praying you are having a better day! :D

Thank you so much for remembering me and thinking of me. Brutal day today. In bed all day. Headed back there now. Thinking of all of you too and hoping you're having as comfortable a day as possible.

Hi Jr
Just wanted to check in and see how things are going for u...any relief from last week?
Always hoping and praying that healing and peace will come to you soon
Angel

Sweet Angel,
Thank you so much... Still not doing well. Still been confined to bed since this post. Nothing I do that has always given me at least some relief in the past is doing anything now. I am so grateful for your prayers and for your remembering me. It's really hard to keep from falling deeper into despair when the pain is this bad and there is just really nothing on the horizon for healing.
How are you doing? I keep seeing your sweet messages to everyone and am so inspired and grateful for how supportive you are to everyone, and I think of you so often while I'm lying here in bed. Are you seeing any improvement?

Jr
I am so sorry that you are having such an awful time. I hope you have some family or friends around. I know what it;s like to be severely depressed over this. I don't have any other digestive issues but I did order a book by Jini Patel Thompson. She had severe Crohns and has a great book about how to heal- she was severly underweight as well. Worth a read while your resting a bed. My prayers are with you.
Tami

Jr,
I hope this morning brings you a bit of relief. It's terrible to hear that your pain relentlessly continues. I am sending you prayer's in my morning meditation this morning for golden-healing-vibes and peace in your body and mind so that you may find a more comfortable day today.

Jr,
I'm sorry this is still continuing to torment you, with nothing to aid you in the way of comfort or relief. Is this pain right now, that's got you so beaten down, solely from your fissure? Or, is it a culmination of issues? I'm truly concerned for your overall well-being at this point, seriously . I think I remember you saying on another thread that maybe the risk of surgery is worth a shot, since you don't seem to have any other alternative to at least try and ease your pain. Maybe enough is enough here jr. I mean, there's only so much a person can withstand...and it seems like you've really rode this out for sooo long now....maybe it's too long jr. I'm hoping we get good results from Tanya, I don't believe you tried that TCM yet...maybe that could be encouragement for you to try that treatment, at least it's natural and doesn't seem to be a procedure that would put you at any sort of risk with regards to your other health issues. But if there's nothing else..nowhere else to turn...then maybe you'll seriously consider an excellent CRS who'd be willing to try and offer you some way overdue relief and perhaps proceed with surgery.
There's only so much you can do for yourself and by yourself, and I know how extremely knowledgeable and wise you are with many medical issues, as well as mental and emotional ones. But at some point, you've got to know if things aren't getting better...and may, in fact, be getting worse by dealing with this on your own...you just may have to take that chance, and risk, outside of yourself to find healing.
I'm hoping and praying and wishing that you will be better and stronger and that a healing path will come for you NOW.
With Love and Best Wishes,
Angel

Dear Jr2 I can only send you one humongous hug and my healing thoughts and prayers and best wishes for finding a solution very, very soon!!!! Please never give up in your search !!! Did you try anti-convulsants ? How about anti-depressants for pain management ? How about medicinal marijuana ? There must be a way , it is really not fair !!!!!! I know of a girl who had pump implanted by her spine to deliver meds in regular intervals to her nerves so they calm down -she also had uncontrollable pain all over the body, I think she said it was the syndrome you described :( and she feels MUCH better now. If you want to I can find her Blog , I know her from another forum - just send me a PM if you want a contact And yes... tell me about insurance and healthcare in the USA - it is HELLcare , if you ask me

Thank you so much to everyone for your caring comments and concerns. I can't tell you how much it means to me...honestly...
I'm in so much pain right now I know I'm not in a good place inside myself for making decisions. I'm constantly reminded of the devastating pain I live with all the time from having had surgeries in the past when I decided enough was enough. These are consequences that I will have to live with permanently. The tears have just been nonstop for days and I've got to get to a better place in myself so I can make good decisions. As much pain as I am in with these fissures I still have this voice inside myself that tells me LIS would be a disaster for me. There are members of my family who have been through so much with me and my health problems who are expressing great concerns about this surgery for me, having seen how my body has responded in the past and knowing what I deal with every day already. As bad as things are now, they could be even worse, and when I've had surgery in the past this has been the case every time.
I would love it if I could find a doctor who does standard dilation in my area. I would love it if there was unlimited funding for me to try out alternative health practitioners. I would love it if I could just have some time off from all this pain, not just fissures (but that's the most urgent pain at the moment). It's as if the last 25+ years of major pain have just worn me so out that right now I'm just having a hard time summoning my internal resources no matter how much i meditate or rest or focus or anything. Just the idea of dragging myself to yet another doctor and having to lay out the whole history yet again feels really overwhelming and exhausting, especially when I keep doing that with doctors only to really get nowhere with any of them. And it isn't that I've had bad doctors. I've had very good, smart and caring doctors. My body is just very confusing to everyone.
Thank you again all so much for commenting and for caring. I'm sorry that I haven't been able to keep us as well on the board for a few days and I so hope all of you are doing well and feeling well and feeling optimistic and enjoying life to the fullest extent every day.