Sailorgal,
You go girl
I've been praying to hear good news from you....and this is better than good to me Relief from the pain and a chance to get out with friends...it just puts you in a more positive and optimistic mind-set, which is also so very critical towards healing
Best wishes that you'll stay on this path towards full healing and recovery
Angel

Thank you, guys, for your well wishes. How are you guys doing? Just tapping in briefly to update that this has been my 4th consecutive morning of pain-free BM, and 2nd day of no vicodin. Knock on wood for continued healing for us all. Just continue dealing with the incontinence stuff and definite swelling/skin tag formation-growing; but not too concerned about that, have dealt with that before so it doesn't freak me out this time. Baths are still important for full cleansing as the
"dismount" isn't so clean still. But again, all so very manageable compared to where I've been the last 6 months.

Sailorgal,
Not sure how I missed this update, but am so glad to read you are still seeing steady improvement!!!

Have the last couple of days since you posted this been okay?

Thanks for asking jr,
things seem to still be under control - not much new/different - feel tentative saying so, bcz I ate an organic-free-range-no-hormone, blah-blah fancy hamburger tuesday night (got the meat at a market - cooked dinner) - not sure if it's made it's way out yet. Been back to work with no incident - except when I have had to make a dash to the bathroom. But again, things seem to be cautiously under control.
BM's have changed the last couple days just bcz it's that time of the month - not sure if that makes it better on me or what, but it seems like nature makes it a natural laxative for me at that time of month. My cramps were definitely much worse, though - kept me up for 3 hours in the middle of the night, too intense for me to sleep despite taking a hot bath, vicodin, guided meditation. Makes me wonder if my pain threshhold has dropped due to the chronicity of pain (interesting, i though it would get higher to adjust to dealing with ongoing pain) - also noticed that i was extra sensative to the needles at acupuncture last week too. But starting to recall some of my neuro-studies in how axon potential threshholds can be down-regulated based on ongoing/increased input - like, the system's getting fried. Anyway, overall - things are steady.
Curious to see how things go once that finishes.
Also, starting to feel like my old self - well, haven't returned to my workouts/dance classes, yet - figure i will next week. But, am excited for a weekend away this weekend in Long Island's wine country for a tallship's festival with my boyfriend and a bunch of other shipmates on one of the visiting ships and booked a long weekend visiting an old friend from grad school out in portland.
the strange thing is that saturday is the first minor-pain BM i've had in 6 months - and things have been not bad since then (only taken vicodin a few times, but still using ibuprofen/tylenol to manage pain/inflammation) - but it feels eerie to be this "comfortable" for this number of consecutive days. I don't want to create a self-fufilling prophecy, but it's almost like i feel like a setback is just lurking around the next corner - so, that sense of unease is still there. But, i imagine as things hopefully continue to go better, that will also fade/get better. I just pray for no setbacks this time.
Any updates with you, jr?

Sailorgal,
This is sounding really really positive overall, and wonderful to hear that things are mostly on the upswing. Pain is such an incredibly complex thing to live with. In all the years that I've lived with it in various forms what I've discovered is it does both... It both raises your threshold and it lowers it at the same time, if that makes any sense. Yes, like the system is getting fried is a good way of describing it. Interestingly there are things I used to enjoy that I can't tolerate any more, like music that is too loud or too "complex", I am very quick to startle, and most of the time I can't even stand the t.v., strong smells, extremes in temperature (weather...especially hot weather), or even clothing that isn't absolutely soft and comfortable. It just made me laugh because given my extremely limited diet, my life mostly in one room, in silence, i'm sort of a monk in my cell!
I recently read a really good book about pain called "The Pain Chronicles" which delves into chronic pain, the ways researchers are trying to better understand it, and being written by someone who has chronic pain herself it offers the perspective of someone who is on the inside of pain who is trying to understand it better.
Funny you should mention a brutal menstrual period. Just coming off one myself. It isn't all that unusual since I also have endometriosis and ovarian cysts, but this one was especially bad. Nights of just feeling my whole lower body twisted into unending contractions and knife like relentless battering pain for days. And naturally none of this did anything good for the fissures, so I'm pretty exhausted now having to deal with the wreckage "hurricane period" left behind. You know, sometimes it amazes me what a body will continuously endure, that the pain itself doesn't kill you outright, that even in the night when you're convinced this is it, I'm not going to make it this time I'm just too tired out, the fact is you do make it, you're still breathing whether in that moment you want to be or not.
Hopefully with things settling down in your body with the fissure and as you gain more confidence and have less mental focus on the chronic pain and the anxiety of recurrence, your system will downshift and things will calm back down again. I'm really glad that you have plans to do something so relaxing and enjoyable that will give you some different scenery, different kinds of input into your body and mind with your upcoming trip. I think the value of these things can't be underestimated in the healing process.
I pray for no setbacks for you too. Onward!

Hey jr, wondering how you are doing?
I haven't been on the forum much lately, bcz as it would be, i'm continuing to do well. Tomorrow will be 3 weeks post-2nd botox and I have been off pain meds (still take ibuprofen) for over a week, have had over a week of relatively pain free BM's and zero post BM spasming. Even wore a thong today for the first time in 7 months! Never imagined that would be comfortable again - side note, i've never been more excited to wear a thong before, too. Just like my new found appreciation to return to the things I love doing pain-free that I haven't been able to do comfortably for over half a year. And i've been blood free for over a week. Still continue with the fiber, water, mild diet following (altho i relax on that a bit on weekends for the sake of bbq's, travelling, etc). And still dealing with the mild transiet side effects that should clear up when the botox wears off in a couple months (flatulence incontinence - embarrassing at moments, but I will take it over the other; and still needing to take quick showers after for a proper clean up). And returned to my dance classes this past week, I really do feel like a different person and am rediscovering all the things I love to do. I pray for everyone's continued healing - i've certainly been to hell and back a few times throughout this ordeal and want others to know that "this, too, WILL pass".

Sailorgal,
This is ALL so so so awesome to hear, every bit of this news is just awesome.
A thong!
Thank you so much for coming back to share your good news. It's always so wonderful to hear about the successes and just to feel the energy of those who are seeing light entering the tunnel. But of course it's totally natural and healthy too that as you heal you would come back to a support forum less often. I think that's how it ought to be. To have passed on your experience and the hard times and the good times you've helped people you will never possibly know about.

(nothing's changed here. Thank you for asking after me.)

I'm 4 weeks post-2nd Botox and all has been going well except for a minor setback this week. I traveled to the west coast last weekend to visit friends in Portland, Oregon. It was a great weekend. However, my BM-timing I think got a little thrown off. I took a red-eye home on monday night and so didn't go at "normal" time tuesday morning until I was out and about in the afternoon. And I happened to forget my wipes (d'oh!). I tried to be super gentle with the toilet paper (and forgot to even try wetting that), but it was pretty uncomfortable after that (between trying to "dab" and in not being able to get totally clean). Anyway, started bleeding again yesterday - but just when I wipe (back with wet-wipes now) and feels irritated again (but no spasms) - back to relying on showers/baths to get totally clean and wet wipes when i'm not home. I already knew this, but lesson to be learned in HOW fragile that scar tissue is! It's hard to remember to not deviate from the course when things are feeling better down there. I also had to give myself a peptalk to not freak out, this is just minor, the opened part will heal again, at least i'm not having spasms, i've been thru worse, etc etc.

Sailorgal,
Yes, it seems that any deviation in routine or schedule can cause so much havoc, and of course when you're feeling better you are on to other things!
My doctor told me the area is like tissue paper so it easily tears again. I'm so sorry that you've had a bit of a setback, but I love that you are working on the pep talk part. You've still got the effects of the Botox so hopefully this will be quick healing for you. Yes, it WILL ...

Hi Sailorgal,
Probably just a baby step back...and yes, you've undoubtedly been through worse...just gotta forge ahead and remain optimistic...so far this botox round has proven to be much more effective in comparison to last time and the spasms are no longer present. This is just a little kink and will work itself out. That's all there is to it
Best wishes for continued healing ,
Angel