Dawn,
I don't mind answering questions. Having an AF truly sucks in my opinion. I was first diagnosed in April 2008, but I think I may have had some blood from time to time b/4 that date. After I took the Diliatzem for about 3 months, my local CRS told me to just take it as needed. My Mayo GI doc wanted me to go on an A/D because thinking about my AF was paralyzing me. I found a local psychiatrist who is also board certified in internal medicine. Taking an A/D and seeing a psychiatrist both really helped me.
I also took the anal rectal manometry test at Mayos in July of 2008 and as a result of the test was diagnosed with Pelvic Floor Dysfunction. I took the Pelvic Floor Retraining class at Mayos a year ago.
I used the Diliatzem whenever I had blood or pain. Getting the BM's soft and regular is the key. I had trouble for several years getting my Miralax and fiber supplements regulated as I initially would swing between both extremes. There is a light at the end of the AF tunnel although sometimes it doesn't seem that there is!!!

NeuropathicGuy,
I ate awful before this happened to me. I never ate much of anything but junk and diet drinks all day. Now I drink a gallon of water a day and eat a vegetarian diet And yes I learned the hard way that metamucil will give bulk. I was taking the colace with it but just stopped the fiber supplement.
I am seriously thinking about the miralax though but I'm a little afraid to change things and risk getting it too soft.
CherylK,
I have seriously been affected by this mentally. Some days are better than others but it's basically always in my head. I have a six year old daughter and I feel so guilty because I have had many days in bed or unable to do things with her. Unfortunately I don't have health Insurance or I would consider getting professional help because I have been very depressed. I just keep praying that God will give me strength to get through this.

Hey Dawn, we definitely understand the mental impact an anal fissure can have on its victim. How bad is your pain these days? And it is during/after bowel movements or at all times? Has it changed since you first got it? Usually, even if the fissure isn't completely healing, the pain can be managed to be more tolerable through the right ointments and stool softeners. For me personally, the pain in the early stages was completely unbearable. But after a couple of months, I figured out how to keep the pain tolerable even though my fissure wasn't healing.
Miralax certainly has a risk of making things too soft. Some people can't tolerate it because it gives them diarrhea. I'd say it all depends on how you're doing with the Colace. If bowel movements aren't extremely painful and your stool is soft, then don't mess with a good thing. But if you're having bad pain due to hard stools, then you might consider adding a bit of Miralax. The nice thing is you can add as little or as much as you like. I took a full dose every day when my fissure was bad, but now I take maybe 75% of a full dose every day. Everyone is different so it does take some experimentation to find what works. One thing about Miralax is to make sure you drink tons of water when taking it -- it sounds like you're doing this already so you should be good there.
A lot of us have lost a ton of weight due to our fissures so don't worry too much there. I'm 5'8" and weighed 135 lbs before I got my fissure (which is already at the lower bound of normal for my height). Now I weigh 117 lbs or so and doubt I'll ever really gain much weight due to my high fiber, high veggie diet. But whatever keeps butt pain at bay, I'll do it.
Out of curiosity, are you avoiding surgery because you just don't want it, or because you don't have health insurance? Both are perfectly understandable, of course, but I was just wondering.

Dawn,
I think many here have dealth with the mental impact of having an AF, including having our SO's tiring of hearing about our problem. Deep breathing, a positive mental attitude, and squatting have helped many people. I think there is a thread on squatting for which you can search. Feel free to send me a PM if you wish. Good luck!

NeuropathicGuy,
My pain was much worse when this started. At first I had no idea what it was.I had a rectal exam in the ER last May and that is when things got really bad. I was crying like a baby for about 2 weeks. I slept in the bath tub and made my husband go with me to the bathroom. But about 3 weeks ago, it was basically normal with no pain. I really didn't realize how fragile things are and for how long because the doctors have been no help. Everything I've learned has been on the internet. But I noticed a raw feeling a few times before I actually started bleeding this time. I would be fine if I only had the one morning BM but the second would be really raw and then I started to see blood again soon after that. To answer your question I am very fearful of the surgery and not having Insurance will make it almost impossible to do this.
Cherlyk,
I feel terrible for my husband. He is wore out and I keep having these set backs. I know he feels helpless because there is nothing he can do to fixs this and he keeps trying to be encouraging. I have been to the point of praying to die. This episode has been pretty bad but mainly it's the fear of will it get worse, because it has been so bad that I couldn't sit or go anywhere. It's such a mental thing.
I will look into the squatting. I've never heard of it. I will try anything at this point. I have always had anxiety and this has made it much worse.

Dawn,
I used to wake up in cold sweats worrying about what would happen in the bathroom. I think seeing a psychiatrist and getting on an A/D might be very helpful to you. There is a strong mental and emotional component to having an AF as it affects our quality of life and which of our normal acitivities that we can (or cannot) do. A couple of former boardies stay away from this place because it brings back painful memories of what they endured. I hope that you can get some professional help very soon to help you feel better mentally and physically.

Cherylk,
I have also woke up with such anxiety and couldn't go back to sleep. I feel an A/D would be a help right now. I am a little worried about taking something that could possibly constipate me or cause hard stool?
I can't say that I blame any of the people who don't come back after they are well but I am really thankful for the ones that do and offer support and information to others. I hope that one day I can help someone.
I also wanted to ask you how long have you been healed and when did you get to the point where you felt it was safe to eat different foods?

Dawn,
I took Lexapro, which was highly recommended by my family doctor. I had no problems with constipation taking Lexapro and only took it at the lowest therapeutic dose; I've been off of it now for several months after having taken it for about 1 1/2 years. I have had no pain or blood since last December. I gradually started increasing the different types of food I eat. I can honestly feel that I was "blessed" with an AF in order to give support to others such as yourself, and I also now volunteer for the Red Cross as a way to help others. Good luck!!

Hey dawn, I've had a bit of success using Diltiazem, infact I believe it would of healed me for sure if I wasn't having a severe itching reaction from it, unfortunately I cannot use it anymore and am scheduled for surgery on wednesday, if I'm correct then cheryl healed from Diltiazem so it's possible you could too.
There's no doubt that AF's affect us mentally as well as physically, I've sat and cried many a time and felt like I was the only one with this debilitating affliction, that was before I found this forum, and yes I tried to get A/D's from my GP but he refused on the grounds that they wouldn't treat the underlying problem (my fissure) Crazy? I think so, I wouldn't be depressed if the damn fissure wasn't controlling my life..

Cherylk,
I'm thinking strongly about getting something and I will keep lexapro in mind. Thanks so much for being so supportive and I think it's wonderful that you help others and something good has came out of this.
Steve,
I am praying that it works for me and I don't get an itch or any other symptoms! How long did you use it before the side effects of the itch happened?
I will be saying prayers for you and wish you all the luck with your surgery.