Finally Broken

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Finally Broken

Postby woundedspirit » 15 Jun 2013, 21:55

This is my first post although I have been reading this forum for over a year.  AF since 11-11-11 from a sigmoid scope. I have been brave, strong, positive, faithful and dilligent but tonight it finally broke me. And it wasn't even the pain but an insane bout of itching!! And we all know if you rub it it only makes it worse.  God in heaven knows if I ever needed to reach out to someone it is now. Someone who knows what I am going through.  Just one word of encouragement from a kindred spirit. Sorry for all the emotion but it just had to come out. Thanks.
Hemorrhoid Surgery
Scar Tissue
2 Anal Fissures
Failure of All Topical Treatments
Failed LIS
[size=85]EUA and Fissurectomy
Hoping to avoid Flap Surgery
woundedspirit
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Re: Finally Broken

Postby woundedspirit » 15 Jun 2013, 22:36

Although I have not had any replies I am feeling better. The itching has subsided with a sitz bath and lidocaine cream. It really helped to start reading other posts as well. Think I can go on now. It was just my first really deep moment of desparation since dealing with this for over a year and a half. So glad this site was here. Thanks.
Hemorrhoid Surgery
Scar Tissue
2 Anal Fissures
Failure of All Topical Treatments
Failed LIS
[size=85]EUA and Fissurectomy
Hoping to avoid Flap Surgery
woundedspirit
Proctosphincteranalogist
 
Posts: 287
Topics: 12
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Re: Finally Broken

Postby owmybum » 16 Jun 2013, 04:26

So glad you have taken the step to post. A year is a long old time in fissure land to be dealing with pain and anxiety s . Welcome to the forum, and I'm so glad you found something to relieve your itch!!
OMB xx
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fissure after hem banding and tag removal feb 11
Pelvic floor therapy
Diltiazem
Botox June 13
Nitro
Internal flap July 14
EUA and polyps removed Nov 14
Diagnosed with neuropathy Jan 15
Diagnosed with HS EDS type 3 (causes poor wound healing )
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Re: Finally Broken

Postby Ever the Optimist » 16 Jun 2013, 05:01

Woundedspirit,
Keep going!! & keep up that fantastic fighting & optimistic spirit - It'll get you there in the end.
You are doing simply great and it's SO natural to have these momentary lapses, no matter how strong you are. Important thing is let it happen and then pick yourself back up again - totally healthy!
Itching can be a good sign of a healing fissure, even if it is driving you mad, but a nice hot bath and some lidocaine will definitely help you out & it won't last.
Keep up the good work & hoping you are close to healing.
We are all here for you :)
Chronic Fissure diagnosed December 2011
Healed by Diltiazem around Feb 2013
Anal Fistula followed burst abscess in June 2012
2 internal troublesome piles remain & suspected, but undiagnosed, ongoing Levator Ani type symptoms & flare-ups
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Re: Finally Broken

Postby Rachael 1984 » 16 Jun 2013, 06:38

Wounded Spirit, you will get back to your normal self.. Please don't lose hope this won't be forever.... Sending you my best wishes.
Image
Hem Banding sept 2012
2Fissures
Nitro- Effective short term
April 2013-Botox-Effective short term
Diltazem-No effect, developed Rash
July 2014-Diagnosed High Resting Pressure
LIS performed on 17.9.14
Ongoing pain/re-tears. Awaiting pressure test results.
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Re: Finally Broken

Postby woundedspirit » 16 Jun 2013, 06:52

Thank you so much for your kind words. They touched my heart deeply. I am a 53 year old female whose whole life changed one day after having a sigmoid scope and he "nicked" me on the way out. I exhausted all conservative treatment with no improvement and had LIS 3 months ago.  I was very hopeful since informed of the 90% success rate. Unfortunatly, I am in the 10% without success due to keloid scarring from a hemorrhoidectomy 12 years ago. I educated myself about AF and most of the practical and really helpful information came from this site. I really though I was going to beat this. Saw my CRS two days ago for my 5th post op appointment. He said just keep doing what I am doing (sitz bath/tub 2xday and post BM's, Miralax every night, Norco for pain, topical Isosorbide Dinitrate, Metamucil in am, and lidocaine pre/post BM's, and healthy diet) and maybe it will still heal, but each week that passes decreases the chances. He said to keep doing these things until basically it heals or I just can't take it anymore and we could do a second LIS which I don't want to have. The surgery was not bad but my risk of incontinence is so much higher after a second that I am afraid to risk it. As of now I only deal with some leakage.
I am loosing hope though. Everytime I sit down to urinate I can feel it break open again and it hurts. So believe it or not I am trying to learn to stand and go! ( I will do anything to heal this).It is too much to think about having to live the rest of my life like this.  I have a wonderful life, married for 24 years with two awesome grown children and I so wish to resume what life was like prior to this. I did seek therapy and I am supposed to change my internal dialog to help such as instead of saying "this is a gift straight from hell" say "this is my daily challenge" or instead of saying "God please help me get through this painful BM" say "God I know you will help me get through this" etc. It helps at times and I have learned some tools to deal with it all, but unless you live it, you just don't know what a physical and psychological toll it can take.
Thats why last night in my hour of desperation I just had to connect with someone who knows. God bless whoever started this site because last night it just helped me get my head together and I will continue to post here now to help myself and to hopefully help someone else. Thank you again so much.
Hemorrhoid Surgery
Scar Tissue
2 Anal Fissures
Failure of All Topical Treatments
Failed LIS
[size=85]EUA and Fissurectomy
Hoping to avoid Flap Surgery
woundedspirit
Proctosphincteranalogist
 
Posts: 287
Topics: 12
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Re: Finally Broken

Postby woundedspirit » 16 Jun 2013, 06:53

Thank you Rachael. Reading these words of encouragment today has really lifted my spirits.
Hemorrhoid Surgery
Scar Tissue
2 Anal Fissures
Failure of All Topical Treatments
Failed LIS
[size=85]EUA and Fissurectomy
Hoping to avoid Flap Surgery
woundedspirit
Proctosphincteranalogist
 
Posts: 287
Topics: 12
Joined: 14 Jan 2013, 17:00
Has thanked: 6 times
Been thanked: 11 times
Gender: Female

Re: Finally Broken

Postby woundedspirit » 16 Jun 2013, 06:56

Also thank you for the warm welcome!
Hemorrhoid Surgery
Scar Tissue
2 Anal Fissures
Failure of All Topical Treatments
Failed LIS
[size=85]EUA and Fissurectomy
Hoping to avoid Flap Surgery
woundedspirit
Proctosphincteranalogist
 
Posts: 287
Topics: 12
Joined: 14 Jan 2013, 17:00
Has thanked: 6 times
Been thanked: 11 times
Gender: Female

Re: Finally Broken

Postby woundedspirit » 16 Jun 2013, 07:05

Sorry, just a couple more afterthoughts! My stools are soft as can be and I go regularly each morning so I don't know what else I can be doing. Also I love that term "fissure land" it kinda makes me feel like at least I know where I am, it is a real place and I am not floating around it no man's land!!
Hemorrhoid Surgery
Scar Tissue
2 Anal Fissures
Failure of All Topical Treatments
Failed LIS
[size=85]EUA and Fissurectomy
Hoping to avoid Flap Surgery
woundedspirit
Proctosphincteranalogist
 
Posts: 287
Topics: 12
Joined: 14 Jan 2013, 17:00
Has thanked: 6 times
Been thanked: 11 times
Gender: Female

Re: Finally Broken

Postby woundedspirit » 16 Jun 2013, 07:08

And good to know itching is a sign of healing and that my mini breakdown is quite normal!!
Hemorrhoid Surgery
Scar Tissue
2 Anal Fissures
Failure of All Topical Treatments
Failed LIS
[size=85]EUA and Fissurectomy
Hoping to avoid Flap Surgery
woundedspirit
Proctosphincteranalogist
 
Posts: 287
Topics: 12
Joined: 14 Jan 2013, 17:00
Has thanked: 6 times
Been thanked: 11 times
Gender: Female


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