Having anal fissue since 2.5 years, want to be pregnant

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Having anal fissue since 2.5 years, want to be pregnant

Postby joyle » 11 Nov 2012, 23:39

Hi friends,
I understand that many of you have been suffering with this and I can understand the pain which all of us are going through.
I want to tell my story to you all. It all began in March 2010. Till then, I did not know what fissures or hemorrhoids are. One morning during my bowel movement, I experienced a feeling as if some cut was there. I thought it would go away. When it did not go for a week, I saw a doctor who gave some stool softeners and an ointment. It got better. On other people suggestions I started taking Metamucil too. One thing which I have noticed is, taking Metamucil results in large thick stools which make it worse for me. My situation kept getting worse. I started applying diltiazem which would heal the fissure but again after 15 days, I would get it again. After five months of constant pain, I went for LIS. recovering from LIS was very easy for me. Pain was there for a day or 2 but then it was normal. Only thing is, I could never stop taking the stool softener. After 3 months of LIS, the fissure returned again, I do not why. Since then till Jan this month(for a period of 1 year nearly), it kept coming and going but was nowhere as painful as the initial one.I was so scared of fissure that I kept postponing my plans for baby. 15 days back, I decided I will stop taking stool softeners and start Metamucil The same thing happened, a large stool although soft tore my fissure open and its as bad as the first time. I do not know what to do. I am 35 and I want a baby. Its getting late for me. Please suggest what should I do? Shall I go for LIS again as suggested by my doctor? I am very very SAD...
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Re: Having anal fissue since 2.5 years, want to be pregnant

Postby Diamond » 12 Nov 2012, 10:26

Joyle - here's a big **HUG** from me. Your story hits a little close to home for me - I'm turning 33 next month and I've wanted a baby for a while but I've had to put it off due to living with fistulas for 3 years now.
Unfortunately I don't have much fissure advice, but I'm sure others will. Just wanted to let you know you're not in this struggle alone - so please be strong!
Only thing I do know is that when (and not "if"!) you get pregnant they'll most likely schedule you for a C-section as they don't want to cause any more issues down there.
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Re: Having anal fissue since 2.5 years, want to be pregnant

Postby jr2 » 12 Nov 2012, 20:22

Hi Joyle,
I'm so sorry to hear you are still coping with fissure re-tears even after surgery. Many surgeons are hesitant to do one LIS for a woman who hasn't had children but plans to, much less two LIS procedures. Like Diamond suggests, if you do opt for a second surgery,( and even if you don't), you will want to discuss C-section with your OB doctor, even if your OB doctor doesn't bring it up.
Making a decision about surgery is never easy, but in your case, it's hard to imagine you wanting to take significant amounts of time with topicals to see if you can heal. But if it were me, I would be really concerned about a vaginal birth and the potential for incontinence afterward.
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Re: Having anal fissue since 2.5 years, want to be pregnant

Postby Ever the Optimist » 14 Nov 2012, 11:24

Hi Joyle,
Sorry to read of your desperation and frustration with your history of the fissure.
I can totally relate!
I've just turned 40 and I am desperate for another baby. I count myself lucky I have my daughter and was not suffering though at that time. I was 35 when I had her.
My whole plan for this year was pregnancy but when the fissure hit last December, that put all plans on hold for me. Then when that started to get better and I had high hopes again, I got stung with an abscess and a fistula and then surgery. My heart goes out to you as I totally understand the way you are feeling.
I would say that if you really want a baby then go for it, despite the pain. Some women actually report getting less pain they imagined whilst being pregnant because of all the hormone changes and continue to ensure they are maintaining a good diet with lots of fluids throughout.
For me a vaginal birth would be out the question if I got pregnant and I would have some serious conversations with a midwife about a C-Section, as Jr2 and Diamond mention.
A friend of mine is a classic example of it can be done! - She's been living with Chrons/ fissures & fistulas for years now but she's had two children in the last five years with a lot of medical attention and medication, but two wonderful children!......
Easy to say, but there comes a point when you just have to make a decision to go for it, fissure or not and just go for what you want and what will make you happy.
It won't be an easy ride, but then pregnancy isn't always and you could have developed the fissure whilst being pregnant?.....I'd say don't let it stop you from fulfilling your plans.
Fingers crossed, it all works out for you truly and that you feel brave enough to start having babies soon.
ALL the very best to you xxx
Chronic Fissure diagnosed December 2011
Healed by Diltiazem around Feb 2013
Anal Fistula followed burst abscess in June 2012
2 internal troublesome piles remain & suspected, but undiagnosed, ongoing Levator Ani type symptoms & flare-ups
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Re: Having anal fissue since 2.5 years, want to be pregnant

Postby Diamond » 14 Nov 2012, 15:01

Ever the Optimist - I'm so glad to hear about your friend. I do have some other hormonal issues so I know it will be harder for me to get pregnant. And it really sucks that I had to put those dreams on hold for the past 3 years while I was dealing with fistulas! It all seems too overwhelming sometimes so it's nice to hear success stories.
I did post a question about "sexual relations" - but no one has answered it yet so I thought I would ask you ladies. I know most people don't really want to talk about this..so hope I'm not being inappropriate! Does everyone else find all these fissure/fistula issues put a damper on their sex lives? Or is it just me?! I think I can honestly say I'm very lucky to have an understanding husband (at least I hope he's being understanding and not getting it elsewhere :p). I haven't thought about the "baby" stuff - because I can't bring myself to even take care of the bedroom stuff right now! Pretty depressing when you've only been married for 2 years and can't even enjoy those initial years that are supposed to be blissful?! I would really appreciate any advice in this area! I'm healing from 2 fistulotomies - one is almost fully healed now, the other one has a seton in it - which will have to stay in for a few months. How do I get back to "normal"? I sometimes feel like it'll never happen - or am I just setting up a mental roadblock?
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Re: Having anal fissue since 2.5 years, want to be pregnant

Postby Ever the Optimist » 14 Nov 2012, 17:46

Hi Diamond,
The whole thing just simply sucks doesn't it??!
I too have a bit of a hormonal past and have had various ovarian cysts removed, which have lowered my fertility, so it's not easy either. In fact, after being told I'd had one ovary removed, I doubted I'd ever get pregnant but I've been advised if it can happen, it can happen again!
Yes, it wasn't plain sailing for my friend but she received a lot of treatment and care from the NHS whilst pregnant and she felt actually OK. Unfortunately for her, she was so drugged up with morphine for her first that the baby had to be weaned off it but she is doing just great now (she's 4) The second one came along as bright & bubbly and very happy, so just goes to show people with these issues do have babies and very successfully. She did have planned C-sections for both.
The worst time for me with intercourse was with the acute fissure! Hell - that was uncomfortable and the pain from my bum just radiated throughout the whole event! It didn't happen very often with the fissure I have to say and only when that started to heal and I was feeling less pain, I managed to start having sex again! Fortunately, my partner too was very understanding with no pressure and we found other ways in the meantime and avoided penetrative intercourse!!....LOL hopefully your husband isn't going elsewhere!.........
With the fistula formation, things improved because I just wasn't getting that radiating pain and intercourse was a lot easier and less uncomfortable. I did avoid any action for a few weeks following the op but we're pretty much back to normal now - well, when possible! and trying for our second.
On saying this, I am in a much better place now with the fissure healed and the fistula much healed too, so it's easier.
I think it really depends on you and how comfortable you feel about having a baby with what's been going on and genuinely how much pain it does cause you when you attempt intercourse....Also there's that fear (that I also share) that if you do get pregnant, then what do you expect to happen with your bottom? But I just want to get on with my life and happy to take that "risk"....
Perhaps, you are setting up a little bit of a mental road block and it is a shame that you've been married for such a short time and have been suffering but it won't last. You will get back to being normal and in the meantime, just start the sexual process off again very gently, test positions that are less uncomfortable and build your intimate relationship back up again at your pace. The one good thing that did come from all of this was that I realised how much I wanted to have sex again and how good it was!.....
Lots of people in former posts have said the same as yourself, others were having sex just a few days after ops! It depends on you really but people do get back to normal in the bedroom! (and you have a lot of time to make up!!).....
I would avoid the missionary position initially because of all the pressure with your partner on top of you but the other way round works just great!!!!......Sorry TMI but my honest opinion!!
Try not to let these issues impact too much on your life and ease your way gently back into your sex life in the easiest and gentlest ways possible. It's also incredibly relaxing after and a great stress relief!! :)
Chronic Fissure diagnosed December 2011
Healed by Diltiazem around Feb 2013
Anal Fistula followed burst abscess in June 2012
2 internal troublesome piles remain & suspected, but undiagnosed, ongoing Levator Ani type symptoms & flare-ups
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Re: Having anal fissue since 2.5 years, want to be pregnant

Postby jr2 » 14 Nov 2012, 18:53

I think it can also be really helpful to avoid as best as possible the expectations about the way things are supposed to be, and what is normal and not normal. The reality will still be the same regardless of whether you believe it should be different than the way it is. So, in any moment, what is normal for you is exactly what your body is like right now. Tomorrow there may be a different normal. Today, this is normal because it is what it is. I have had very very rare occasions of successful intercourse my whole adult life. My myriad of health problems don't make it possible. That is my body's normal and always has been. This used to be really sad for me, but being sad didn't change anything about the reality of it. So instead, it's just my normal.
That being said, it isn't as easy as I make it sound. It requires a lot of diligent work on my own thoughts every single day, and catching on to when I'm following them down dark hallways. I still have lots of areas to work very hard on, including these fissures, which I just have to live with since I'm not a good candidate for surgery.
I was never able to have children. At times the sadness of that still crops up, but over time it has been easier to turn back from the dark hallway of those thoughts, and turn toward the window where the light is streaming in.
The beautiful thing, Diamond, is that you have a husband who loves you so much that he is okay with the way things are right now. What a beautiful gift to have that kind of love in your life... right now, this moment, and for you to be able to experience it through the help of these health problems. It is the most beautiful lesson your health issues could have taught you as a newlywed, that you have someone who loves the you that is deeper than sex can go. I love knowing that about you and your husband. It is something to celebrate, and maybe puts your fistula in a slightly different light?
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Re: Having anal fissue since 2.5 years, want to be pregnant

Postby Diamond » 14 Nov 2012, 19:10

Thanks so much for all that advice - You truly are an optimist! I just read that second to last sentence to my husband and he said "thats great, its my favorite position" - thanks for making me/us laugh Image
We're hoping to get away for a couple of weeks inext month... and I'm hoping my openings will be both be almost healed up by then - I do have 1.5cms of depth left in one :s but - It did heal up 2.5cm in under 4 weeks so I have hope that it'll be closing over soon! I'm not worried about the superficial one as it was never painful to begin with, just a huge nuisance. Anyway, I'm hoping that we can experiment a little more on vacation as I'll be more relaxed and away from all the other life stress.
I think my big mental block is that I have no idea what the draining seton will feel like, what it'll look like and whether stuff will be coming out of it (yuck!)? I actually haven't looked at the wounds or the seton yet - I plan to in a week when they're healed up a little more. I did read on a forum that you can always think of the seton as an interesting piercing Image I hear mine's blue!
I actually got a "talking to" from the anesthesiologist during my pre-op - she wasn't happy I was off folic acid. I just basically said - I'm not having sex, how would I get pregnant?! I honestly had bigger things to worry at that point. Anyway, I guess she was just giving me advice - After dealing with all these issues I'm generally a much fitter and healthier person and I hope that will all help when we start trying for a baby. In fact, I just can't wait to get back to the gym (never thought I would say those words about 5 years ago :))
Does your friend have major scars from the C section? I was actually a C section baby myself, and my mom has an awful scar - but then again that was quite some time ago and I'm assuming surgical methods and care have improved since.
I do agree that it's probably just a mental thing with me right now - and hopefully I can get over it. I don't have any "bad" pain, more of discomfort right now and some itching - I'm assuming as the wounds heal? I'm still avoiding alcohol but maybe a couple of glasses of wine is all it'll take :)
Good luck & have fun trying Image
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Re: Having anal fissue since 2.5 years, want to be pregnant

Postby Diamond » 14 Nov 2012, 19:21

Jr2 - your post actually brought tears to my eyes! Thank you so much for being so open about your own life. It really does put things into perspective. And what you said about "what normal is" is SO true! I'm very impressed with your take on things - *HUG*
In my case - I was very sexually active in my early 20s and I sometimes think of those years as my happiest. I tend to forget that a lot of heartache, stupid mistakes and other not-so-great things happened around that time too.
I am very grateful for my husband being in my life - we've been together (not married) for 11 years..and I truly do hope our relationship is as strong as I make it out to be. I agree - not having sex has shown us that there is so much more between us.
I think right now I'm so fixated on the "babies" because everywhere I turn someone I know is pregnant. Just in the past month - I got the news from 4 friends and a co-worker. And then of course, everyone starts asking me what the hold up is, I hear it from my in-laws all the time as well - and I just completely freeze up as no one knows what I've been dealing with for years now. That's what makes it so hard - but I'm trying to stay positive. My take on it now is if it's meant to happen, it'll happen - if not.... I can derive happiness from other things in life. And maybe I'll finally get that puppy I've been wanting for the past 10 years!
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Re: Having anal fissue since 2.5 years, want to be pregnant

Postby jr2 » 14 Nov 2012, 20:11

Diamond,
yes, I know how it feels when there seems to be baby news all around you, and baby questions coming from all directions. I always tried to just keep holding my focus on my own life, and was happy for all the babies coming into the lives of others. not having a baby is not all negativity and sadness. You have an opportunity to create a life for yourself in ways you never would have imagined. It's really all about our perspective and what kinds of eyes we wish to see through. Who knows, you might find out all that creative energy will be put in directions you never thought possible! And if a baby does come, it's a wonderful, exciting addition.
All that active sexual activity you had. I'm not saying you won't again (you will), but it just really reinforces what a special and intimate time this is for you and your husband. Territory with one another you haven't even begun to tap in to. Creating an intimacy, a sensual connection with one another, exploration that feels comfortable for you both. You both have a whole body to experience and ways to touch that can not only feel intimate for you, but would also be very healing for you, emotionally and physically. All those endorphins swimming around are a good thing. Sexuality is a world of creativity in itself. And then just think of the kind of sex you will have when you're ready to add back intercourse with all the creative groundwork you've been exploring now during this time. :)
Last edited by jr2 on 14 Nov 2012, 21:07, edited 1 time in total.
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