Hey Arwen
I used the cream on the outside only. My CRS told me to apply it like you would lip balm. I know some doctors instruct you to put it in the canal but my didn't (thankfully).

I know what you mean when you feel God's distance on the bad days but I am sure of one thing-He is there. One of my favorite teachers gave this analogy (Beth Moore). Think of you and God sharing an adjoining suite in a hotel. You each have a door on your side. His is always open-it is we who close our sides.

I have struggled too with feeling like maybe I have done something wrong and maybe if I am good enough God will heal me but I have realized that there is nothing we can do to ever be "good" enough because nothing could match the perfection of God. Once I let go of that it eased a burden for me. I know God doesn't cause things like fissures but he is able to get good out of all things.

But really, there is nothing like the ups and downs or chronic pain to make you question.

My dear Lecia (xoxo)
Thank you for this beautiful letter. I learned long time ago that somehow laws of goodness =blessings in this life does not work :(. It is reserved for the life after - my only explanation why war criminals are still enjoying themselves and frolicking free eating whatever they want and live in abundance of whatever they stole and sleep peacefully, never waken up by echoes of crying babies in they cribs being slain without second thought :(. I think that we are all perfect (we, the non murderers; ) in Gods eyes - we are his creation after all. The analogy with the door is very good - although not many were able to open it completely ; ) , maybe Budha and Jesus and few of the others , ha ha, to open it, we just don't know how... but, we peek through a key hole most of te time ; )))) ! Not that we don't want to, we just don't know how ...We try, we fret, we cry and sometimes calm comes over us - that is all we sometimes need, just peace of mind..just moment of stillness...just knowing that we are not alone.
Regarding creams, all of my doctors instructed outside application, but I see that some members use it inside, so I was wondering...I also don't know how i would do it otherwise, it is painful even to think about putting pinky down there , brrrrrrrrrrr...
Hope you are having great week !!! Can't wait to see your next costume ; ) !
BIG , BIG HUG :arwen: