by Survivor » 06 Dec 2014, 22:46
Dear fellow anal fissure sufferer. I 'm well now and am here to share my story in hopes of helping someone else suffering the same pain I have for years. It was very hard for my employer to understand why I was home from work for four days. It's not like I can say, "Hey, there is a tear in my anus and every time I go it's like passing razor blades, then I sit in painful spasms for 8 hours a day and have to sit in the tub to get ANY relief." It's torture, I completely understand. But getting anyone else to understand is hopeless. It's not until you have it that you understand. You understand, and I know your pain. I never knew about anal spasms until I screamed for 5-8 hours straight after passing a stool. Who would have known? A couple years ago, not only did I have H-Pylori, two hemorrhoids (one with a thrombosis), I also had a fissure. I never knew such pain in my life, and after three weeks of pain, death started sounding like a good solution. This year, it happened again, and it just wouldn't heal. Finally, after three weeks of suffering, I went to see the surgeon who performs open lateral internal sphincterotomy's. Warning, this will be graphic, but if you are suffering, you need to understand the cause. The surgeon, who by the way is one of the top surgeons in my state, said that the reason the fissure is not healing is that the anus is too tight. (Yes, I've heard all the jokes.) When passing a stool through a sore every day the sore rips open because the stool doesn't have enough room t pass. Made sense to me. He talked about the surgery on a Monday. I went weak. I have anxiety, so it took me some time to absorb. One of the places I came is here, to the forum. I read the stories, and the people who had the surgery reported a good outcome. The Dr. said that the pain is the same or less than what I was suffering. I thought I would try an ointment the Dr. gave me to see if I could heal it. I was out of work from Tuesday through Friday. It didn't get any better. I spent hours in warm water crying. I was on the verge of losing my job and they were forcing me to get a note from my Dr. My surgeon could only write a note if I had the surgery. So basically, I was forced to carry through. Let me tell you right now, that this was the best decision I could have made. I got approved for two weeks leave of absence and the following Wednesday, I was in the operating room. I had studied what they would be doing, and read positive stories, so I was ready. I simply couldn't spend another day suffering the spasms anymore. So now I will tell you about the procedure. I was put into a gown, and my husband was able to sit in the pre-op room with me. They put an IV in my hand, and tested my blood to make sure I was healthy enough for the surgery. I took a Clonazapam(sp?) like Xanax) to keep me calm. I brought in my cell phone so I could play relaxation music on Pandora. I took nice deep breaths and kept very calm. The surgeon came in to say hello, and told me I was in good hands. I was wheeled into the op room, and told to breathe deeply. I was given Propofol and general anesthesia to sleep so it took me about an hour to awaken fully. You are out of the operating room within 20 minutes. The next thing I know, I was in a room recovering. I kept asking why I was crying. Apparently, waking up was stressful for me, but I don't remember it. I shook for a little while, but it went away. My but was numb, so I felt nothing. At home, I slept all day. I ate lots of prunes and prune juice, and took Metamucil with meals to make sure my first movement wasn't too painful. It took me two days to go, and I was dreading it. When it came, it stung and was painful, but NOTHING like the razor blades I was passing the week prior. Relief. The spasms like I had were gone and I couldn't even feel the fissure anymore after a few days. Amazing! It's almost three weeks now since the surgery. It still hurts going a little, but I just sit in my sitzbath for 15 min. and go on with my day. No spasms at all but I feel it healing. I think I'm gonna be okay, and the Dr. said I'm healing well. Phew! What a terrible experience before I decided to finally do the surgery. Here's what you need to know. I needed to get my life back. I could no longer go on living in pain. I imagined myself 75 years old some day, sitting on the toilet screaming and said, "No Way! I'm taking care of it now while I am still young enough to recover (I'm 50). I am thankful to my surgeon, and for the procedure. You need to know that you do not need to live in pain anymore. And take it from me- if I can do it, so can you. I suffer great anxiety, but I practice relaxation techniques that helped calm me enough to follow-through. It's scary, but with the right practice, you too can be okay. God bless everyone who has gone through this. Only WE can understand the intense pain. And only WE can make the decision to do something about it. I recommend surgery. If you should decide to as well, best of luck to you.