@posertiermadness- Wow thank you so much for all that great advice!! I am trying to get myself out of this dark place I am in mentally because of this. I'm trying to stay more positive and remain hopeful. Is the bidet bottle from home depot is that something that attaches to the toilet or is it a hand held? I definitely do take the Metamucil every day and it has helped alot. Thank you thank you thank you so much for the these tips!!!!