Buttquestion-
Yes, this is how I do it as well. Except I found sitz baths to be less comfortable (sitting feels bad right after, and is counterproductive to bloodflow) than gently blasting the area with the shower massage for 5-10 min then washing gently with soap (I use Dr. Bronner's Tea Tree Oil Castile soap) one time before getting out. This got me cleaner than anything else as well, with little or no irritation.
Once I am out and dry, then I apply Diltiazem to the area and use my finger first to feel around and GENTLY push in (towards the front if you have a standard posterior fissure) avoiding the fissure as much as possible. At first all I used was my finger, and it hurt really bad not just from the fissure but from not being used to having stuff up there. I could only keep the finger in for maybe 10-30 seconds at first. Eventually I figured out that once you are in you have to RELAX everything down there, as if pee and poop would just flow out of you if there was any. Once I mastered the relaxation technique, it became less intrusive and painful. This resulted in me being able to stay in longer and get a better understanding of what's going on. The internal sphincter is the culprit, this muscle has to relax to alleviate the pressure that's literally tearing you a new one. You can feel it in there, it feels like the flap of skin between fingers or toes when it is tight and spasming. The spasming that "causes" so much pain is a direct result of passing a bm and the pain. No spasm=no pain. So once I was over the shock of it all and able to relax, I was able to literally "stretch" the internal muscle out and once I did that I had INSTANT RELIEF, completely worth the pain, grossness, and humiliation that came with self-dilation. I have since moved on to a "marital aid" which talk about in my original post, and it works much better than my finger. I am up to between 5-10 min for my dilation sessions now. I can feel it when the muscle finally lets go, and I only do that once a day now instead of multiple (up to 5 times a day) at first. It's a miracle. I can't be any plainer than that.
I'm a different person than I was when I started posting here, less than 2 weeks ago. No longer feeling pain for up to 12 hours after a bm. It went down from 100 million on the pain scale to maybe a 3, and in less than a few hours at first, then less than an hour, then practically no pain. In fact I have experienced no pain at all in 3 or 4 days.
I drank coffee! Nothing bad happened.
I ate freakin Wendy's!! I'm normally not real big on fast food, but I was out and instead of starving myself due to the fear of what might happen I had the confidence to eat, this was huge. I've been on a strict diet for months to aid in the healing, and it was a part of it for sure, along with the laxative/stool softener "cocktail" I down before bed. Softer, bigger poops=less pain too.
I hope anyone who needs to tries dilation, it has saved my life.

I definitely believe there is psychology of AF... this thing drives me NUTS. I work in the warehouse and every time I bend down, my mind is always "oh oh, am I going to feel that sting feeling?" I just can't stop thinking about it!!!
And I think the more I think about it, the less it heals. My AF felt almost gone last year for about 2 months. At that time, I didn't think much about it 'cause I was mostly into giving oral sex (no anal sex for me). But now, my mind is set on this AF.... I just want it to completely heal.
I'll continue my dilation for sure. My condition is nowhere as bad as some of you but it just seems like it can't heal up to 100%. I know something is still there.. there is a small skin tag and after BM, I can still feel something... not pain but something.
Yes, I do need to learn how to relax my mind when I dilate. Do you have any tips on how to relax?

buttquestion
There are a lot of ways you can practice relaxing. A warm bath will help. Also, if you breathe deep into your lower belly as if you are inflating your lower abdomen like a balloon, you will notice your pelvic floor relaxing. Imagine the pelvic floor muscles and think about how it feels when you relax them to urinate, like an elevator going down to the basement. Even when you aren't dilating, you can practice being aware of those muscles throughout the day, deep breathing into them, and releasing the tension from them. Another thing you can do is massage the muscles around the outside of the anus first, using circles. You'll find that as you massage those muscles first, it's much easier to coax the finger in. You can also just rest the finger on the outside, practice deep breathing, and just slowly get used to what the muscles do as you touch them. Because of the fissure, that internal sphincter is in spasm, so it's also really helpful (as suggested above) if you have something like diltiazem, nitroglycerin or nifedipine to help with the relaxation. Above all, just go slowly, be patient, don't force things, just get a feel for the muscles. A gloved finger is much easier and has less risk both from bacteria and from mishaps with fingernails or hangnails.

Reading this gave me some new hope. Staying optimistic is so important in the healing process! Starting self-dilation today!

Apple how is it going? This was an interesting thread.

Hows everyone doing on here years later? Did dilation work long term?