new to forums - could really use support

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Re: new to forums - could really use support

Postby ruchgupt » 24 Jun 2023, 19:49

Hazey and AF3 coming back to this encouragement - as today had another setback in seeing some pink on my wipe and stinging after a BM which means my fissure was aggravated (or retorn?) One day at a time. At least the pain is better than from the start!
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Re: new to forums - could really use support

Postby Hazey123 » 25 Jun 2023, 05:53

Poor you I had a bad couple days too! But just keep going. Trying to get my BMs right (not too frequent, not too hard) is so tricky. I hope we all have a better day!
AF following skin tag surgery Feb 2022
GTN ointment
sigmoidoscopy & EUA Sept 2022 no fissure found
2nd opinion Jan 2023 fissure diagnosed, diltiazem - allergic
recommended Botox Fissurectomy
3rd opinion - dilation 2x per day plus GTN ….
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Re: new to forums - could really use support

Postby ruchgupt » 27 Jun 2023, 08:34

Thank you all for your posts. Truly every day is a new day. Some good. Some awful. I’ve had a couple of really disheartening days where I saw blood in my wipe and stool and had crampy, constipated, too-large BMs even after eating the same exact thing I’ve been eating. It’s so frustrating. I’m near tears all the time.
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Re: new to forums - could really use support

Postby Hazey123 » 27 Jun 2023, 15:25

Aww I’m sorry to hear ruchgupt it’s no fun at all I know. I’ve had a couple slightly better days pain wise then a hard BM tonight for no reason - slightly reduced the Movicol due to going too many times a day a few days ago. It’s frustrating as hell. I find it especially stressful when the pain gets a bit better as you are so scared of wrecking it! Whereas when it’s awful you just think omg I’m in hell I’ll just accept this as my miserable lot! If I get a glimpse of normality it’s harder to take the disappointment. I’m not sure if I survived that BM or not yet - you know how it is delayed onset agony;)
AF following skin tag surgery Feb 2022
GTN ointment
sigmoidoscopy & EUA Sept 2022 no fissure found
2nd opinion Jan 2023 fissure diagnosed, diltiazem - allergic
recommended Botox Fissurectomy
3rd opinion - dilation 2x per day plus GTN ….
Hazey123
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Re: new to forums - could really use support

Postby ruchgupt » 27 Jun 2023, 17:53

I’m pulling for you Hazey! The movicol balance is soooo hard. I gave in and took a whole dose last night (17g) and my BMs were better today but went 6 times! And had diarrhea last night lol. So trying to take it every other day instead. I really just hate the waiting game everyday to see whether it’ll be a good day or not. I hope the hard tipped doesn’t cause you any pain!!
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Re: new to forums - could really use support

Postby AF3 » 29 Jun 2023, 04:17

Hi Ruchgupt,
Hang in there! The seeming setbacks are a part of it. I’ve had a rough couple of days out of now where and it’s down the usual rabbit hole of “I think I’m back to square one”. Just keep doing what you know works and every now and then, despite eating the same food, drinking the same amount of water, some minuscule change will cause pain, bleeding, something.

When I have those days I panic and take an almost full sachet of Movicol (13g) but I’ve found that that’s too much. Every other day might work better. I’ve found that my stomach doesn’t care too much for Movicol right before food so it’s all a voyage of discovery.

As Hazy123 said above, you get a period of peace and remember what normalcy and life before the fissure felt like - and then BAM - but I believe fissures can be healed, and every day is a step towards it. My CRS also told me that it’s like a princess and the pea situation because of the amount of nerves in that region. Either way do your best to not sink into depression on a bad day - I’m constantly battling that - because I find that when my mind cooperates, my body does too but boy it’s a hard balance to find!! Hope the week gets better for all of us!
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Re: new to forums - could really use support

Postby ruchgupt » 05 Jul 2023, 07:52

AF3 - coming back to this post as my talisman bc I had a bit of a rough morning movement (just a bigger poo that must have irritated the fissure as it came out bc I saw pink on the wipe and I think a streak in the stool, but the rest of it was all Bristol 5! I just don’t understand. Panic took a few teaspoons of Movicol this morning and had taken half a dose last night as well so anticipate it’ll be rough in the opposite way for next few days)

Trying to just remember that I can never solve forever for perfect poops every day. Setbacks will happen. And at least rn with nitro even when irritated or reopened the pain hasn’t been awful - some sharp spasms here and there and stinging or soreness but nothing like when I was untreated at the start.

How do you all keep positive? I keep despairing bc I’ve not yet gone more than 2 weeks w/o a setback :(
ruchgupt
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Re: new to forums - could really use support

Postby Hazey123 » 05 Jul 2023, 09:44

Keeping positive is our greatest challenge!! Almost greater than achieving the perfect BM. Some days I can do it and some days I can’t. I think when the day starts in pain nothing can keep me positive… psychologically it’s a very debilitating condition. Yet somehow given it’s not life threatening and there are way worse things I feel like I don’t deserve to be so sad about it. I have just bought myself a little heated blanket to sit on to help with circulation and pain. It’s comforting! It’s small things that help.
AF following skin tag surgery Feb 2022
GTN ointment
sigmoidoscopy & EUA Sept 2022 no fissure found
2nd opinion Jan 2023 fissure diagnosed, diltiazem - allergic
recommended Botox Fissurectomy
3rd opinion - dilation 2x per day plus GTN ….
Hazey123
Proctosphincteranalogist
 
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Re: new to forums - could really use support

Postby AF3 » 05 Jul 2023, 10:02

Hi ruchgupt,
Keep believing. I have yet to go more than two weeks without a setback. And then I might have a totally rubbish week right after. It is incredibly mentally debilitating as Hazy123 just said. And I have the same thoughts - it’s not life threatening - I shouldn’t feel as bad as I do - but the reality is that more often than not, it’s very detrimental to one’s quality of life. That sense of despair is all too common. So on those days, I tell myself it’s ok to feel sad but that this too shall pass!
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Re: new to forums - could really use support

Postby Camry » 06 Nov 2023, 08:59

Hello, just want to ask how do you manage the stinging pain after a bm? Does it lasts for more than hours? I have been on and off my af for years there are good days and there are bad ones. It usually starts with a sharp tip of a bm that scratches my af to bleed.
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