Age 31, gave birth 5 months ago.
My story starts with one regular external hemorrhoid that came during the 3rd trimester of pregnancy. It's a common pregnancy symptom, so I was not too concerned. I had very little pain/bleeding, it was just uncomfortable (like everything else in the 3rd trimester). I was careful not to strain, but didn’t seek help/use any creams. I figured it was pointless for as long as I was still pregnant and naively thought it would 'just go away' after birth.
Then I gave birth (aka extreme straining for hours) I ended up with quite a variety of piles down there. Internally and externally. I was assured they were completely normal and to use steroid gel and to give it a few weeks to settle. The pain/blood was minimal, mostly uncomfortable. (Then again I had an episiotomy with complications so all of my focus was on that pain for the first 2 months). Due to breastfeeding and suddenly eating a diet of anything fast or cakes from visitors (newborn life) I ended up a bit constipated (despite going to the bathroom daily) and found that my bm's became more hard, painful and going to the bathroom started to take longer. With a newborn, personal time is virtually impossible and I had subconsciously started to strain to speed things up.
A my 6 week postpartum check with my doctor I was prescribed lactulose to take daily (15ml) and 2 weeks of hemorrhoid suppositories. Having never used anything like this before I was quite nervous and a bit embarrassed at the idea of sticking something up my bum everyday. The wax suppositories had very sharp edges. I would rub my fingers along the edges to warm up the wax and smooth it down before inserting. 2 weeks passed and nothing had really changed. I had still not put 2 and 2 together to realise that that my new baby life diet and lack of additional water I so badly needed whilst exclusively breastfeeding was the cause of the constipation and that fixing this could of been my quick get out card.
I continued to strain and the pain/blood started to increase along with internal aches after bm's. I went back to the doctor and was given another 2 weeks of suppositories. One day, whilst rushing (and forgetting to smooth down the wax edge) I managed to insert the suppository at a funny angle, I flinched and my anus muscle dragged the suppository inside quite fast... I felt the pain right away, this is the moment my fissure was born.
The next days it was obvious things had stepped up, the little spots of blood had turned into drips turning the toilet water dark red. The pain (as described by so many on here) was like (and continues to be) like shitting broken glass. It became extreme to the point that I was unable to sit on the toilet as this created too much pressure, I started going to the bathroom in a standing squat. The pain left my body in cold sweats and I had to bite down on my hand. It got so bad one day that I was physically unable to relax to release a stool. I went straight to my doctor, she was unable to examine me 1. there was a hard stool in the way and 2. it would have been excruciatingly painful. She explained I had to pass the stool & come back for an examination. She prescribed xylocain 2% numbing gel. At first this seemed to take away 70% of the pain, and I was able to have bm’s (still painful but made it possible) I continued to bleed (heavier each time, to the point of blood running down the back of my thighs, whilst in my standing squat) I went back to be re-examined and mentioned the blood loss and that I had also started to consistently loose weight (I had already lost my baby weight after 1 month of birth, this new weight loss was now going below my regular weight) due to these factors I was sent to have a rectoscopy to check if the bleeding was from my colon or possibly higher up.
Rectoscopy - Firstly the doctor was extremely heavy handed, before using the instrument, he shoved his finger so hard/fast into my bum that I almost kicked him in the face. The pain made me sick to my stomach, he seemed surprised that it could possibly cause so much pain. The rectoscopy took about 5 minutes and was surprisingly much less painful than his finger, he confirmed I had internal piles and a fissure. He said I should scrap the suppositories, go back to gel and give it a few more weeks. I cried a lot after this appointment. To go through the pain of the examination just to be told there was nothing he could do and to carry on living my daily hell until it miraculously passed?
A few more weeks of hell passed, not leaving the house until I had safety been to the bathroom at home. The gel either stopped being effective, or masked the pain that much that I have made things worse down there and now the gel is unable to numb the level of pain I have.
In the last weeks I have started to become extremely desperate about my situation and mentally affected. I started to google for other peoples experiences and found this forum and then it hit me… my diet? why on earth did I not start with this (baby brain??) So as of 2 weeks ago, I completely cut out dairy, I have doubled my water intake (I was already drinking a lot, but not enough for a breastfeeding mum) I’m on a high fibre diet with a morning smoothie containing chia seeds, flax seeds, psyllium husk, and prunes.
I’m taking daily epsom salt sitzs baths (15-20 mins) and using coconut oil suppositories.
The weight loss and bleeding continues.
My stools are soft except the tips, these remain hard and make the initial stage of of bm extremely painful still. Once this part is passed the rest of the stool is very quick and somewhat ‘painless’
I guess I’m joining this group for solidarity in a shitty situation (no pun..) and to hopefully continue to read good tips and success stories.
this whole fissure experience along with the ongoing episiotomy complications have made me too terrified to have a second child so it feels extra sad for this special time to soon be over. It gets easier leaving them right? haha